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Oldest SD Can Kiss My...*rant*

Russell1981's picture

I started a business a few years ago that I had been working on for quite some time. Once I started it then COVID hit and I had to struggle through it until it came back and now my wife and I are doing great. It has really been a blessing to be this financially secure after so many years of struggling.

My SD23 came to visit, which I posted about a while ago, and I took off for 3 days with my two oldest boys. She had always seen me struggle through the years so when I just left with my Truck and Camper for three days her radar went up. She must've asked some questions because now my oldest SD has this renewed interest in me and it is just sickening.

Today while I was working my SD25 called my wife and thanked her for the gift sent to my SGK. I have never spoken or held SGK since she was born and I have stayed away from any contact with SD25 since the false accusation of sexual abuse put on me 4 years ago. My wife maintains phone contact with the grandkids and I do not care if she does as long as it is at a distance. 

Well after the phone call SD25 requests that my SGK talks to her "favorite Poppa" My wife comes up to my office and asks if I am willing to talk to my oldest SGK (I have 3). I give her a puzzled look and she tells me that this 4-year-old is really wanting to talk to me. A 4-year-old who has never seen me or had any contact with me. 

She is 4 so I oblige and proceed to have a weird awkward conversation with this SGK. In the background, my SD25 is in a high-pitched voice coaching this innocent child along as to why she wants to talk to her "favorite Poppa". (I never agreed to that name)

The conversation ends and my wife has this sick look on her face. She knew what was coming. I ask her why the heck her oldest daughter has this renewed interest. 

Apparently, my wife is planning a trip to the Magic Kingdom with this SD, her husband, and the three SGKs. They can't afford the trip she is talking about so that means that my wife is paying for it and by her paying for it that means I am paying for it. 

I hit the floor...I am stunned. I can't be around this person and I am not trying to be difficult. I have an attorney on retainer right now to combat any accusations. It has been a few years now, but for 5 years it was nonstop. 

I am stunned, I can't believe my wife would do this...I will figure out how to process this in a couple of days, but as of right now, I think it is 5 O'Clock somewhere. 

Rags's picture

Non marital resources go to this lying Skid or her family.

Tell your DW no. Period Dot!!!

If you have not filed a defamantion suit for her lies... DO IT!!!!

ESMOD's picture

tell your wife.. full stop no. you are not funding a vacation for her kid.. or grandkid.... end of story.... nothing more. remove her access to your money if necessary

Rumplestiltskin's picture

I wouldn't be around or speak to anyone who falsely accused me of sexual abuse. And from what you say, SD was an adult when these accusations were made, so no chance she was just a confused little kid. No contact is the way to go for your safety, and your wife should realize that. Think about it - your wife is either a) forcing you to have contact with someone who falsely accused you, putting you in danger, or b) trying to facilitate her daughter and granddaughter to have a relationship with a sexual predator (if she believes SD.) Either way it sounds like your wife is a few cards short of a full deck. 

CLove's picture

Yeah, nope your way outta that!

The fallout? She doesnt talk to you for a few days? So what, go on another camping trip with your bios...

Make certain your wife is reminded of what happened in the past with excruciating detail, bring out the papers and documents, read them out loud, review and refresh because with her bio goggles on shes not thinking straight on this!

la_dulce_vida's picture

Give your wife a bill for your attorney's fees. She has to pay that before she can pay for a trip to Disney for her grandkids and her lying daughter.

Hell to the NO!

I would flat out refuse to speak to SD or her kids. No thank you. "Favorite Poppa"??? Did the SD ever recant? If not, she's a sick, twisted individual to want her 4 year old daughter to have contact with her alleged abuser.

Messed up.

AgedOut's picture

I would sit my spouse down and calmly ask her why she feels it's okay to spend your money on someone who falsly accused you of horrific crimes. 

Then inform her that no money from you will treat her lying spawn to a vacation. 

Make this your line in the sand because I cannot grasp what your wife is thinking. 

Exjuliemccoy's picture

You and your wife are not on the same page about this, and it feels like a betrayal because it IS one.

It's past time you sought marriage counseling so a neutral third party can help her understand the pain and devastation her ADULT daughter caused you and help you set boundaries AS A COUPLE.

I am very familiar with SDs that lovebomb, manipulate, and use their children as bait. It's sickening and pathetic. While I understand your wife caught you unprepared with the phone, you need to call her out on her manipulation and remind her exactly why you are NO CONTACT with her daughters. Remind her of all you could have lost, including possible incareceration, and how there has never been any accountability for these heinous accusations. Remind her who she's married to, and share how HURT and DECEIVED you feel. Don't keep silent - make sure she's burdened with the full knowledge of the harm she's inflicting.

And close your wallet. Don't let one penny of your funds go towards this betrayal.

Russell1981's picture

There is no way I am going to be around for this. This is not going to happen and my wife knows this. This is a legal situation. However, everyone has their moments, and Mother's Day just passed.

It is not a betrayal...just emotions getting in the way of common sense. My wife has been there the entire way, but grandkids must be pulling on her strings.

I was caught off guard because there was a 4-year-old having a birthday on the phone...I think I forgot to mention that it was her birthday.

I do not live all that close to Disneyworld so if this is something my wife needs I will send her, and only her and her sister. I trust her sister. She and I will pay for the hotel that she and her sister will stay at. My SD25 and husband can figure out their own stay. I will contact a few Disney employees I know and see if they can help me out.

However...that could be the whisky talking. I called my parents right away and sent my kids over there for the night and headed out to the camper...I should probably sign off for tonight and think this over with some Seinfeld. 

ESMOD's picture

I don't think it was that wrong for you to get on the phone and play nice to a 4yo being used as a pawn.. your wife is an adult though.. and she should know you are not going to stand for any of your fund subsidizing her daughter's vacation plans.

CajunMom's picture

I am completed disengaged from DHs kids for a multitude of reasons but there is one of his kids that pulled the "abuse" card on me and my DH as an ADULT and she's never recanted. We had a brief encounter a few weeks ago (after not seeing her for 10 years). She thought she could come to my home and antagonize me and yet again, mouth her false accusation at me. I told her to get the hell off my property and don't come back.

With that said, I see my how DHs emotions really got in the way of "clear" thinking....she should have never been allowed to our home with that still hanging (his counselor agreed). I understand he loves his kids and grandkids. They play games with him and are great at manipulation. So, I can see how your DW got herself in this mess. Lots of bombarding from the daughter and guilt, I'm sure.

Stand your ground. Gather your  thoughts.....remind of the false allegations and your attorney on retainer. And let her know it's a firm NO; you are not paying vacation fees for false accusers. Gawd....the audacity of your SD putting that grandchild on the phone to talk with you've never met. If that's not game playing....SMH

DPW's picture

Why are you not holding your wife accountable? Stop making excuses for her. Mother's Day? Pffft.

Your wife deserves the blame in this, not your SD. Your wife planned a trip without even talking to you about it especially the funding of it. She planned the manipulation with SD to put you on the spot. And I'm going to suspect she's a lot more manipulative than this... I would be livid and NO, I would not fund this trip in part or whole.

stay in your camper. You're probably safe from psychological warfare there.

Notthedoormat's picture

To tell DW absolutely no way in hell this is happening.  Hopefully she comes back to her senses quickly and agrees that SD is not only toxic, but downright dangerous. 

I'd also probably let her know you're not 'poppa, let alone favorite poppa to a child you've never met! Reality needs to sink in for DW here, big time.  

My DH is gaga over the grands, so I suspect that may be the kind of place she's coming from, but you have to hit them with a strong dose of truth to pull them back into the real world. 

She knows why...and she knows why it would be beyond reasonable for you to even consider a family vacation with this lying, manipulative skid!

Lillywy00's picture

Unless you cut off her cards and lock her up in the basement, she's probably going to just do it anyways without telling you. 

no matter how you slice it, as long as she goes on the trip, you're gonna be directly or indirectly subsidizing it. 

If I were you I'd tell her to cancel the trip (why does she need to be galavanting across the globe with your accuser?), or like mentioned above pay your remaining attorney fees/counter sue and have her pay those fees. 

your wife is enabling all of this. She's the one that needs to be kissing a$$

good luck on this.