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Letter to dh

depressedme's picture

These are some of the main points from a 6 page letter my osd wrote her father after I pulled her up for not saying thankyou for a gift we gave sgk. Context is we went on holiday with my bs 12 that I paid for and she was pissed we didn’t think to invite the adults.

“ Ysd and I feel like we don’t matter anymore it’s all about bs”
“ I understand he is a child and we are adults but we are still your children no matter how old we are you would never have gone on holiday without us not one mention of ysd and I , not even an invite , that hurt. You have taken bs on as tour own ( erm no he has a bd whonis a great dad much better than dh), but we do not feel we have been treated the same.
“ when it comes to me the only interest is in sgk. It’s always we miss sgk we want to see sgk we miss sgk, not we miss you”

“ I appreciate the gift for sgk but there never way a day you would never have bought ysd and me something even a fridge magnet”.

“ dhs parents live off $600 a fortnight and still managed to buy us 4 tins of formula and 5 boxes of nappies . This letter isn’t about money”

“ due to being made out to be ungrateful I cannot accept the clothes take them back . I came over to spend tome with u and I end up in the corner for 2 hours as you had friends over. All the attention on sgk”

“ I understand how much u love sgk I would never stop you seeing him , but I don’t feel
Comfortable coming over. I am happy to come to work or you can pop here. I am in a bad way mentally “

“ I never thought I’d see the day that I don’t feel like your entire world we have always been so close you have supported me and I have supported you but it doesn’t feel like that anymore. It feels like you have moved on without us. Like we don’t matter as much.”

“ love your emotional and hurt daughter”


Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

OMG She's not "like your entire world". Seriously she's gotten her rude awakening and she doesn't like it. Tough sh*t welcome to the real world.

Dovina's picture

Pity party table for one, comes to mind. They are hurt because you went on a vacation and you didn't ask adult children to join? The definition of entitlement. I would think that letter was written by a 16 year old. "I don't think I am your entire world" OMG. I am so sorry you have this crap show.
How did your DH react to this? Like seriously this is messed up.

depressedme's picture

He hid the letter I found it just before Christmas. He said he’d addressed all the things in the letter with her . Now they go on daddy daughter dates and I disengaged before I found the letter around same time it was probly written but after she was mocking me on Facebook .

Dovina's picture

Lovely now she feels special again with her daddy daughter dates :sick: This new phenomena where kids "date" their parents.

NoWireCoatHangarsEVER's picture

I would show this to the counselor and then tell how he has been treating you

depressedme's picture

I did she said it’s written by someone with the emotions of a teenager and to ignore and not buy into it. Sh did though lol

lieutenant_dad's picture

Someone owes me a pair of glass eyes after reading that because mine jumped the sockets and escaped down the street after rolling so hard.

Valkyrie's picture

"All the attention on sgk"
She is jealous of her own child. Is it possible she is suffering from postnatal depression or is she always like this? If this is normal for her, she is suddenly finding that she is not the center of the universe which must be absolutely crushing. Hope you had a fantastic holiday away from the crazy!

depressedme's picture

No she’s always like this she’s jealous of anything positive anyone does. But yes she’s jealous of her own child and mine. Dh doesn’t support my bs finacially I do but she won’t see it that way.

justmakingthebest's picture

That is the part that gets me!! All the attention on the baby, um... of course. Those statements honestly worry me. Is she stable enough to raise this child? What is her husband like? This seems very disturbing. You don't ever think she would hurt the baby, do you?

SacrificialLamb's picture

"I never thought I’d see the day that I don’t feel like your entire world we have always been so close you have supported me and I have supported you but it doesn’t feel like that anymore. It feels like you have moved on without us. Like we don’t matter as much."

Yikes, we have the same SD! Mine used to tell DH this type of thing all the time. She was jealous of my young kids living with DH. Every time DH and I were able to go on a vacation, OSD would have a medical emergency show up the day before.

depressedme's picture

Well she got what she wanted. Bm took her to same place on holiday before Christmas with other family members and they all fell out. She then had an “ episode “ on the plane coming home her sh dropped her at the er on way home and bm and ysd didn’t even go with her. Guess who dropped everything to be by her side daddy did. Aparntly she was dizzy I call it attentionseekingitis lol. She also does the Im having an emergency thing a lot when anything good is happening or things where attention isn’t on her.

Acratopotes's picture

WTF - and DH is jumping to make her feel special with DAddy Daughter dates?

I would be livid and I will tell DH - why not simply tell your daughter she's an adult, and married, and a mother it's freaking time for her to grow up....

depressedme's picture

Yep just like the one yesterday when he was supposed to be looking after me. This is the kids shit I’ve had to put up with!

Acratopotes's picture

You don't have to put up with anything lol......

Aergia once asked SO, why's he never taking her out to dinner.... he told her we will see when it's suitable, what about this week-end...

I simply looked at him and went back to my place, he text me WTF, I replied with... in the 14 years we've been together you never once took me to dinner and now you want to take another woman out on a date, enjoy..... (I always say another woman, I never say your daughter)

Well that date never happened and during our current holiday I got 2 lunches out..... without the brat, he told her NO we are going on a date...

still learning's picture

How sad that a grown woman acts so infantile. Jealousy the green eyed destroying monster! So does she want to be treated the same as the 12 yr old and sgk?!

She and ss32 would be a great match, he started crying when he found out that my minor children were moving in with DH and I. Like the grown man baby was being replaced...sheesh.

FrenchPeas's picture

The lunch with daddy was tossing down a gauntlet to see if daddy would run to her and leave you when you needed help. He passed her test and she’s thrilled. He’s so stupid that he doesn’t see she’s playing a game. He’s an idiot.

I hope you recover quickly so you can get away from his lame ass sooner.

depressedme's picture

My thoughts exactly but he can’t see how manipulative she is. No she would never think that way your wrong. Apparently I’m too needy not materialise wise just emotionally!!! Omg I’ve just had a hysterectomy go figure!!!

depressedme's picture

I know this you guys all get this he doesn’t!!! He just does not get it and nothing I say changes anything I might as well talk to the wall I’m done now x

hereiam's picture

He said he’d addressed all the things in the letter with her . Now they go on daddy daughter dates

Yeah, addressed it all, alright, by bowing down to her.

She contradicts herself, a lot, and it really does sound like it was written by a very young teenager. She is obviously emotionally stunted and your husband just keeps allowing her to manipulate and control.

He says that you're too needy? He needs to read that letter again!

ESMOD's picture

Whoa... that girl needs to get some therapy.

Although, personally, I would not have "pulled her up" for not thanking you guys for a present. Honestly, if an adult has not learned to say thank you then there really isn't any amount of "pulling up" that is going to set her on the right path. The only thing it was going to accomplish was create a bigger conflict. The best way to deal with people not saying "thank you" is to stop giving them gifts.

And... if a message were to be delivered, it probably would have been better received from her father vs her SM.

I think your disengagement is the best way forward.

beebeel's picture

The woman (Sd) demanded diapers from them in front of everyone. This man obviously hasn't ever parented her and why would he start now? I would have said something, too.

OP, your husband is too blinded by stupidity to have a healthy, adult relationship with his daughter. Therefore, he can't have a healthy, adult relationship with anyone. I hope you heal in record time so you can get away from these emotionally bankrupt jerks.

depressedme's picture

He can’t see the manipulation , he’s so blinded by love for osd it’s like he doesn’t care who she hurts. She treats her own sh like a lap dog and he’s so depressed he can’t make eye contact !!!

beebeel's picture

Yeah, it's not about love. If he loved his daughter so much, he would have raised her better and not allowed her to manipulate him.

FrenchPeas's picture

Nailed it!!! Worship isn’t love. It’s idolatry. And it’s bad for all involved. The kid is a product of idiotic parents.

Yep, you nailed it.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Gads. My parents had 5 children. Not ONCE after we aged out did they invite us on one of their vacations. SO WHAT?!?!?! We're adults!! That means we plan our own vacations!! If we wanted to tag along with Mommy and Daddy, we could be an adult and ASK them AND pay our own way. Sheesh.

SD is plain ol' JEALOUS of her little brother. Period.Dot.

FrenchPeas's picture

Sooooo right. It’s funny she threw that in there. Loons always tell off on themselves!! Lmao I’m
Nuts and i know it! Hahahahha

as my wits end's picture

Wow just wow, men are useless when it comes to their daughters! Mine is manipulated constantly and I fear this will be forever. She told him just that other day the his children should come first forever, not work not SM us only forever SD is 21 yes 21 she rings him at least 10 times a day to waste his time with BS, wants to to the gym with him blah p off that is our time not happening, beside what 21 yr old wants to hang out at a gym with their dad, what the! Lives at home rent free along with naccasistic 18 yr old SD, every time he try’s to be strong and finally parent them (very rare) and not Besty them they crush him, your a bad dad you never spend time with us and then he gives them everything they want and some! 18 and 21 grow up and get the f out is what he should be saying! It is shit at home for me and him yet he lets them walk all over us and won’t do anything about it. I dislike these girls emensly and I’m starting to dislike him because this is our future due to his being a friendthete is one thing I instead of parent, this we have argued over for years. The only solution for me is to disengage and have nothing to do with them and let him be run down by them on his own.

There is one thing I have just started to trial and that is make life miserable around the house, only when they are home, complain not to them but just him get the shits not at them but him when they do anything that pisses us off, go off at him for the same shit they don’t do but should every day (clean up after themselves), I have learnt that when ive got the shits with him and make him cranky enough he takes it out on them, (but that also works for them too when they puss him off it’s me that cops it) so I best keep on him hahaha
Then when they are not around even if they have just ducked down the shops flick a switch and change the whole dynamic in that moment to calm, relaxed and happy and do everything I can even if I’m shitty or depressed to make the time they are not around good ones and maybe just maybe he will wake up and realise they are toxic and need to go. Adult manipulating selfish SD’s not children anymore!

depressedme's picture

Aww Hun I really bloody feel for you as at least mine don’t live here what a nightmare!! The problem is your dh that’s what I’ve realised. Mines the same no f’ing boundaries!! That’s why we went to counselling but as soon as he started giving her boundaries (a 26 ur old woman )she wrote that shitty self obsessed letter even jealous of her own child !! Unless he starts to give boundaries and is prepeared to deal with the push back ie your a crap dad etc you won’t move forward and will end up like me resentful and cheesed off as mini wives get their way and make your life a misery.

I wish I had a solution but disengaging may be a good start x