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Nana needed two Poppa's

Hikinggal's picture

You really can't make this up, I would have never in a million years thought something like this could be an issue for someone.
I actually haven't even had many issues with his ex-wife, so it surprises me that she actually felt this ---

We found out from my SD (27) that her mom (my husband's ex) was very upset when he started to call himself "Grandpa" in front of the grandkids instead of HER (as in his EX WIFE's) preferred name for him, "Poppa." Can you guess what she has the darlings call her? Yup, Nana.

Her man, (not married) has been Poppa from day one of the grands being born. My husband didn't want to also be Poppa, so he referred to himself as Grandpa and that just stuck. (He did that on his own, I wasn't even in the picture at that point)

So --- The question I can't help but ponder:

Why did Nana need TWO poppas?

I just think it speaks a lot to the whole need to control issues we see here on the boards a lot.

It really surprised me, honestly.

His daughter didn't know why she was upset by it, just said that maybe she felt it was easier if the grandparents from her side were all "Nana, poppa" so it was less confusing for the kids. But that makes no sense because you can bet your ass I am NOT ALLOWED to EVER -- EVER -- Be called Nana. lol

It's no big deal so I am not treating it as such, it just makes me shake my head and chuckle a little. Thought some of you might chuckle with me.

Hikinggal's picture

Oops. Should be spelling it Papa. See? I don't even know what it's supposed to be. lol

Nana and Papa.

My husband is Grandpa, I am Jama (for Gramma, plus plays off my name, the 3 year old started calling me that and it stuck).

Aniki's picture

Wow, I think that kind of silly for her to be upset. Everyone I know who is a grandparent chooses for themselves. Mimi, PaPa, Grandpa, Grammy...

One of my friend's grandson's calls his aunt "TeeTee", which I find hilarious since others use that phrase for a child going tinkle...

ldvilen's picture

Yeah, I'll chuckle with you too. There is no way to beat GUBMs. Here is handy blurb I came across earlier:

"Here are some characteristics of the golden uterus mom:
1. GU and child are one and the same
2. GU and child are a two-fer.
3. Disobedience is abuse to the golden uterus.
4. GU exceptionalism. Even though humans have been procreating since human history began, the GU believes her pregnancy and childbirth are the most special pregnancy and childbirth ever.
5. Boundaries are for everyone else; boundaries don’t apply to the GU.
6. All other child caregivers are irrelevant. Fathers are walking ATMs. A father’s role is to financially and emotionally support the mother (i.e., be her emotional punching bag/doormat and listen to her complain about how hard it is to be a mother). That’s it. Fathers get no real input into how the children are raised. Step-mothers are less than non-entities. They are to act as servants to the children during visitation and are less than handmaidens to the golden uterus.
7. Once you have sex with a GU, she owns you for life.
8. GUs like to take kissy duck face make-out photos with their children.
9. Golden uterus mothers are feeeeeeelers.
10. Once the GU gives birth, her “job” is done. “
11. Children are possessions; not their own persons.
12. The GU uses motherhood as an excuse. “Becoming a ‘mother’ is the GU’s excuse for EVERYTHING. "How dare you disrespect me! I'm the mother of your children!".
13. GUs are self-appointed parenting experts.
14. Motherhood is a title and a power trip.
15. The GU is never wrong.

What can you do if the mother of your children has a golden uterus complex?
There’s nothing you can do to change her. Nothing. She’s highly unlikely to see the light and morph into a reasonable human being and good mother. Your goal, as with all high-conflict abusive types, should be containment."

To SMs everywhere--THINK containment!!

sandye21's picture

This sounds like the definition of a narcissist who is highly unlikely to morph into being a reasonable, sane, giving human being. Professional therapists won't even touch 'em. If the BM in OP's post gets upset because DH wants to be called 'Grandpa' she is a controlling narcissist.

You KNOW that whatever you do as a SM, you will get blamed for EVERYTHING even if you had nothing to do with it. I got the blame for breaking DH and BM up. I did not know DH at the time of his divorce - I didn't even live in the area, but yes, I got the blame anyway. Never said a bad word to or about SD who abused me, but got the blame for being a monster to her.

What is really surprising is how many GUs I actually know! I agree with containment for the GUs, but also in disengagement. Put them at an emotional distance.

justkeepstepping's picture

Awe, the old name battles. Between DH and I the kids/skids have 12 grandparents/great-grandparents. (Both of our parents are divorcees. 3 out of 4 remarried. 5 are great-grandparents.) Plus DS has 4 from his dad's side and skids have 3 on BM's side. No one is allowed to have the same name or emotions get involved with a few of them.

So that's 19 names to deal with.
3 Grandma (First Name)
2 Grandma (Last Name)
1 Grandma
2 Grandpa (Last Name)
4 Papa (First Name)
1 Nana
1 Mema (Meh-ma)
1 Memaw (ME-maw)
2 Nanny
1 Wela
1 Welo

A few years ago MIL starting referring to herself as Grandma (DH's last name). She has been divorced from FIL for over 20 years and had always been Grandma (her first name). Even the kids were asking why she was trying to change her name. They all call DH's great-grandmother Grandma (Our last name). DH said something to her several times and explained that she can't start calling herself that name because the kids call another grandparent that. She finally stopped. That was over a year ago. Low and behold DD gets a birthday card from MIL last month referring to herself as Grandma (Our last name) again. DH just shook his head, laughed, and said "She's just never going to get it, is she?"

Aniki's picture

Abuelo and Abuela mean Old Man and Old Woman, respectively. I'll assume that Welo and Wela are 'nicknames'.

Aniki's picture

Yes, Abuelo and Abuela are Spanish. I neglected to mention that. Perhaps there are Spanish/Mexican members of the family.

SacrificialLamb's picture

My children are half hispanic. They have an abuela/abuelo on their dad's side. It's just boring old Grandma and Grandpa on my side.

jam's picture

My OSD has 3 boys and is expecting her 4th boy. Ages 8, 6, 3. The boys have always called me Grandma (Jam) and called my dh Papa(first name). The sgkids call their paternal grandmother "Nona" and their maternal grandmother "Grandma".

When OSD gave birth to her 3rd son she named him after her father. OSD's bm refuses to call the baby by his given name.

After YEARS of being called Grandma Jam and Papa(first name), my OSD calls to say the boys have decided they want to call us Papa and Grandma. OSD goes on to defend the change as "after all the boys don't call (paternal grandmother)"Nona (first name)". The whole issue started right after the birth of osd 3rd son.

I know that children don't all of a sudden change what they call their grandparents. I believe the GU ex-wife had been offended after the 3rd grandson was named after my dh and she attempted to have my name and my husbands name removed.

The change NEVER stuck. In the beginning the boys tried to call us simply by Papa and Grandma but when they would get excited about something they reverted back to calling us Papa (first name) and Grandma Jam. Currently we are still called Papa (first name) and Grandma Jam.

OP you asked "why nana needed two papa's?" I think it is because she did not want to hear any reference to Grandpa. If the kids call your dh papa and nana's dh papa then she and anyone around her will not know that the kids are really referring to Grandpa.

Hikinggal's picture

Wow, good point and wow, how narcissistic of her if that is true. lol

Okay, I see it now, though. My H got his first grandchild this really grand and great gift back when everyone was trying to call him Papa. To this day, the grandchild (now 6) INSISTS that Papa (his ex's man) got her the gift. My husband just shakes his head because we dont' compete and don't care. He said to her, "well, that sure was nice of him to get that for you." She beamed at him, "Yup! It was from Papa." Well, now he's been Grandpa ever since and the chance of that mix up happening is less.

She still has his last name because lord help us she won't ever remarry. She sent a Facebook Christmas greeting out last year that said, "Merry Christmas from The (dh's last name)!" My husband shook his head and said that looked sad -- both daughters are married and changed their names, her man has a last name that is not that, obviously, so it just came off as "weird." He actually got a little pissed because yeah, no one there is actually his last name at all and it was this blanket greeting including even the man who cheated with his ex while they were still married (his ex best friend). Just weird.

Now grandbaby #4's first name is my dh's last name. (it sounds good as a first name, too). I don't see her letting go of that last name at all now.

momjkm's picture

I will go with #11 for $200! That's my SDIL. I am not allowed to have a real relationship with her possessions- oh yeah- neither is my husband. He can't even take the little tykes to the store for ice cream unless she tags along.