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DH's Sister has finally pushed DH too far

Disillusioned's picture

DH's sister was at her very worst on Christmas. Her personality/behaviour, couldn't have been any uglier

Not only the usual stuff; doesn't greet us at all when we arrive (let alone actually say Merry Christmas) completely ignores us like we don't exist the complete and entire visit, etc.... etc.... but this time she was quite openly putting us down, rude comments, just itching for a fight it would seem

DH & I paid no attention to her whatsoever. We greeted everyone when we came in, wished everyone Merry Christmas, asked poor SSIL what we could do to help since he was running around doing everything

DH's sister and daughter ignored us, and sat together chatting and carrying on like they always do - going on and on and on about the big get together at BM's the evening before, how YSGS took his first steps at BM's last night, great get together at BM's - so very predictable.

But then they took it to a new level.

FIL opens a gift from OSD, it's for a restaurant they're going to take him out to for dinner. They're making a big deal about how it's all healthy food, then DH's sister says "Oh no, not like the "healthy" food Disillusioned and DH are eating now is it?" We brush it off. They continue

OSD says "oh no not at all like that, it's really good, and Mom (BM) really really really wants Poppa (FIL) to have a good time, take his time and enjoy himself that night, so she is going to take the kids (sgkid's)" then adds "isn't that great that Mom is going to do that Poppa" yada yada

Then she adds how YSD sent her a bunch of spices, things like curry and so on because YSD likes Indian food and thought OSD would too. DH pipes up and says how much we love Indian food too, that he can't eat it any longer, so Disillusioned has actually learned how to make his favorite dish at home, but a low fat/low sodium version of it. DH was talking to his daughter, but then DH's sister then starts to snap, she starts by going "okaaaay" in this 'how ridiculous' tone.

DH starts to take her bait just a little, then continues to talk to OSD and adds that it's delicious, that I do a great job of it. And then DH's sister very sarcastically, obviously very rudely does the drawn out "okaaaaaay" thing again, not even trying to hide how much she is putting us down. And of course she quickly adds how much she dislikes that type of food and was basically making it clear that SHE would never do anything so dumb as to actually proclaim to cook it at home too/doesn't believe I can actually cook it

Fortunately DH & I said nothing to her, it was getting time to leave, as we walked out the door we hugged SSIL and FIL good-bye, wished them Merry Christmas etc...I also said Merry Christmas to DH's daughter (who never even got up to say goodbye but sat with her back to us) and DH's sister who just stood there ignoring us, just before we left. DH said Merry Christmas to his daughter, but said nothing to his sister. And he is furious

I don't think DH will be talking to his sister for a very, very long time.

DH is not only furious that she has been excluding us from the family dinners - Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, and now of course Christmas dinner too. And that she has been spending some of those events with BM instead. But her out of line openly rude comments about us - right in front of our faces - he is unable to say anything to her at the moment as they would probably both regret it for the rest of their lives. At some point - he is going to put her in her place and it will be so ugly. But for now, DH has chosen to walk away from her

She didn't so much as even send us a Christmas card this year - and that is a big deal in DH's family.

And even the smaller stuff, like the fact that DH looks absolutely great right now having lost over 20lbs. No mention from anyone about that, or more importantly how his health is (as it's for health reasons he has to do this)

And of course, since I'm eating pretty much the same as DH, I've lost over 10lbs, it really shows and I've had lots of compliments - but of course no mention from these people either - not that I don't catch them staring so they do notice. Just too nasty to show any manners or kindness of course

I'm used to this sort of thing from them, and know where it all stems from, so I can let it go. But it's eating DH up with anger right now. He is finally seeing the true colours of both his sister, and his daughter - in fact called them both a pretty nasty name to me afterwards - not the sort of word you use for your sister let alone your daughter - so I know he is real, real, mad right now.

There are a couple big family events coming up with DH's family soon, so it should be interesting how this goes...

bearcub25's picture

DSO had a SIL that was besties with BM and she was rude and hostile towards me.

This makes me look very bad, but when she passed away a few years ago, I refused to attend the funeral. DSOs brother had BM help him and of course BM was at the viewing and service the entire time. There was no way I was going to go pay respects to a person that had no respect for me whatsoever.

Oh and this SIL knew BM was having an affair while DSO and BM were still married. DSO divorced BM bc of this affair.

Disillusioned's picture

advise.only, that is it exactly. You are so correct. And the Christmas dinner 'exclusion' by her back-fired, and her and FIL ended up sitting alone at FIL's place instead

DH mentioned to me that he knows FIL wasn't happy about that, in fact, he said FIL did not appear to be happy with SIL at all during the Christmas brunch, and for her part, DH's sister was nasty and miserable the entire time. Rude to us, snapping at FIL, and she was actually rude we noticed to SSIL too

For our part, DH & I were upbeat and cheerful. We had a great brunch with Sgkids (and SSIL and FIL) and that of course is the whole reason we were there in the first place. After all, FIl is as much DH's father as he is SIL's father - DH has absolutely as much right as his sister to see his own father on Christmas, not to mention his own daughter, son-in-law and grandsons!

So we had a great time (other than DH is disgusted with his sister and daughter of course) acted like class acts, while she walked around miserable and conniving and behaved worse than a child.

You're so right that the only one she really excluded, was herself Biggrin

twoviewpoints's picture

That woman needs a mute button.

Congratulations to both DH and you on the weight loss. Healthier eating is sometimes hard to get going at, but sounds like you've learned the tricks of making it not only healthy but delicious. And it's so worth it. So many different food recipes trimmed down and tweaked available at our fingertips these days online with complete nutritional charts included ...your SIL is showing her ignorance all while she's trying to be cute and clever. Silly SIL.

Thumper's picture

HRNYC---I am on your team.

why on earth does anyone put UP with this drama/ugliness/poor feelings is beyond me.

You could not pay me enough to attend. My parents would not allow her to attend. Thank God my parents rubbed off on me too.

IF you cant act polite, gracious, pleasant GET OUT.

Disillusioned's picture

Thanks outlawSteps4evah....she is definitely an ugly individual.

Disillusioned's picture

Thanks twoviewpoints Smile yes it's amazing how easy it really is after all. We're eating well, but healthy. And feeling much better. You're right there is so much information available online for that these days too.

Disillusioned's picture

Oh and as for DH's sister - well we're not going to let her ruin the entire Christmas just because she acts like a bullying ass. DH had a lovely time seeing his grandkids - something he wouldn't miss for the world. Also his father, and his son-in-law.

IMO, anyone who would let a couple of losers dictate how they spend Christmas or how much they enjoy it has a bunch of issues just as the person going out of their way to ruin it!

My late SF taught me a very good life lesson when I was young. He told me never to let my attitude and responses in life be dictated by someone else/someone with problems. In other words, don't let their problem become your problem. And with DH's silly sister, she can stomp around all she wants with a scowl on her face, refusing to speak to us directly, and acting out in the most rude and degrading behaviour that she likes. The only one looking the fool, is her. The only one that miserable, was her. The only one apparently having a really shitty time, was her Biggrin

And, yes, while we will avoid her as much as possible going forward because DH would like to avoid actually losing it on her any time soon, he will not let her prevent him from spending Christmas with his own grand kids. No, she will not bully him out of that

Disillusioned's picture

keepitsimplestupid, it's not that simple (no pun haha)

DH can't just 'pick another day' between our schedules and his daughter's, it is what it is. And, more importantly, it's Christmas morning and he would like to spend it with his grand kids - on Christmas morning.

I totally, totally agree with DH that he should not have to give up being with his own grand kids on Christmas morning because his sister is a total ass

Especially as he can just ignore her crap, which he did with success

Of course she will pay later - I'm pretty sure she has crossed the line and DH has some resolutions surrounding her not being in his life much going forward - but never, ever, should he let her dictate when he can see his own grandsons on Christmas.

I fully support DH on this.