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DH & I called his sister out on her crap, and she totally lost it on us

Disillusioned's picture

DH's sister is one of the nastiest people I know. I mean, she is so angry, jealous, petty, conniving. It never ends with her. And Sunday at SGS's Baptism was no exception. Just one thing after the next, building all night for a blow up, and finally snapped by the end of the evening!

DH & I were chatting with little SGS and SSIL when FIL arrives along with DH's sister.

To start, as usual she does not say hello to us at all, just stands there with that scowl on her face. That "I'm judging you" look as my sister who has seen it refers to it Biggrin

I've become so accustomed to that behavior from her that it has no effect on me at all. I just carry on like I don't notice, not ever letting it effect my upbeat mood. And I've seen that DH has started doing that too Smile

When we get to OSD's place, DH's sister is standing around in kitchen with FIL and the rest of the guests, still with that angry scowl on her face

DH asks SSIL if they have any water in the fridge, SSIL says yes and takes out the only two bottles in there and hands one to DH and one to me. Then FIL comments that he would like to have one too. So I say "here FIL, take mine". DH's sister is still standing there scowling, looking straight ahead as if I'm not there. I ask her if she would like water too. She continues staring straight ahead, but says that she thinks she would, never once even so much as looking at me. Very, very rude. I hand her the second bottle anyway and DH says "well what about us, I would like water" his sister turns around and slams the bottle of water I gave her in front of me and says "take it, I don't want it" and she is extremely hostile and angry as she does it. I'm surprised she didn't crack the bottle open she slammed it so hard.

I start to say not to worry about it I'll find more but she practically screams "I don't WANT it, I'll get MY OWN". Wow - total bitch.

Anyway she stomps off and finds extra water in a cupboard. Hands one to FIL and has one for herself. I do think even she was a bit embarrassed by her own outburst because she then says to me rather sheepishly that she prefers her water at room temperature anyway. So I say that's great, I like mine cold, and open mine up.

But it was when tater in the evening when DH's sister wandered up to where we were, talking to DH and completely ignoring me like I wasn't standing there (as usual) and DH asks her who is Disillusioned buying for, for the Christmas gift exchange - now the reason DH was asking is because every year his family does a draw for Christmas and every year all the names (even the NON blood family like me) are thrown into it. OSD and DH's sister then draw the names and put together the list of who is buying for who. Then DH's sister sends the list out, but only to blood family of course. And so when DH gets the email, he doesn't bother to pay any attention to it, and I of course have no idea who I'm supposed to buy for. So, I had asked him the day before who I was buying for and he of course had no idea. Anyway, when he asks his sister "who is Disillusioned buying for" she angrily says "I have no idea. I sent you the list DH"

DH says to her "ya, like I said, do you know who Disillusioned is buying for?" she says "Disillusioned show know who she's buying for, I sent you the list DH"

Normally I just shut up but this time it's something that concerns me, and it irritates me to no end that I'm good enough to be expected to buy for someone in their family Xmas draw, but not good enough to be communicated directly to regarding who I'm buying for. A small thing perhaps, but just another way of his sister making sure I know I'm NOT family and don't count

So I speak up and say to her that DH is asking her because I asked him yesterday if the list was sent out and who it is I'm buying for. That if it's someone out west like YSD or SSIL then I probably should have sent it already.

DH's sister snaps at me that "it's NOT YSD because I have her name"...(that's the other thing too, the whole draw is planned, not drawn, as I usually get one of the SSIL's) but anyway she then says "you SHOULD know who you're buying for, I sent the list to DH" meaning if it was sent to DH it was for both of us.

So I say "ya, well, like I said I have no idea who I'm buying for. So if you have a moment and can forward the email to me, that would be great"

She wasn't letting this go. She starts going on again about I should have it, it was sent to DH.

DH cuts in and says "you know SIL, it would be so much easier if you would just send these types of things directly to Disillusioned"

Well she lost it

She says "Well I'm SORRY DH" "I am SOOOOO sorry DH for MY mistake" I'm so sorry that I sent YOU the list" "so SORRY for my MISTAKE"

DH wasn't being bullied. He says again to just send it to Disillusioned next time. I had to fight not to break out with a smirk on my face Biggrin

She sent me a text message that night. It said I was buying for YSSIL (gee what a surprise!) and DH was buying for OSSIL (wow,really?!) and that it was strange DH didn't have the email that she had sent to him with this info some time ago

Man, she can be such a bitch!

Disillusioned's picture

Anotherstep2, oh don't get me started about what DH's sister is so angry about.

She has always had jealousy issues when it came to DH, an "orchestrator" as DH refers to it. Bad-mouthing him behind his back and then walking around forever obsessing about all his (and my bad traits) forever in disapproval of him and I :? :? :?

She has problems, what can I say.

She despises me to no end and tries her hardest to minimize everything about me. She is one of the ugliest (I'm talking on the inside) people I know. She used to intimidate me but now I almost have to stop myself from laughing at her predictable and crazy behavior.

Her biggest issue I think is her anger that she just isn't nearly as important to DH as she thinks she is. This whole big act of 'family only' 'family first' 'family is everything' is such a joke as other than their family get togethers, her and DH have nothing to do with each other! They are not close at all, and yet she feels she should come before me - way before me - and just can't fathom why on earth her brother would love and care for his wife as much as he does, when his all important SISTER his BLOOD should always be way way way above his wife

She honestly even seems to resent SD's coming before her - and they are DH's BLOOD children!

Disillusioned's picture

haha you have her pegged!

No, DH's sister has never married (never so much as had a BF in all the years DH & I have been together) and she thinks of any inlaws - especially me the brother's wife who in her mind is not even an inlaw - that's reserved for BM - as outsiders that have no business thinking of themselves as part of her family, and shouldn't even be at any family events including things like family dinners/Christmas etc..

She also has no friends, and spends her time with all of DH's ex-friends and even went so far as to invite some of DH's ex-girlfriends to MIL's funeral!

As BM is DH's ex-wife, well, DH's sister thinks they're best friends now!

Yes a weird obsession with her own brother to say the least!

CANYOUHELP's picture

Wow, aren't the holidays so memorable in a step mess?

Guess I should not think like this, but it is just another golden opportunity to treat the excluded members horrible by those who act like pure trash, lacking breeding.

Willow2010's picture

She sounds truly horrid. But I am going to play devils advocate here for a moment.

1). You offered her the water, she accepted it, and then DH got mad at her for accepting it....? I mean she took it and then DH expects her to find him some water? I truly don’t understand that one.

2). Why can’t DH just forward the list to you? Seems like a lot of drama because he could not just hit forward on his computer just as easy as SIL could have. If I was sending something to my bro and his wife, I would probably just send to bro because I know he would get with SIL about it. They are married.

It sound like it does not take much to set the woman off, so I would avoid engaging her like you both did. KWIM?

Maybe I am not reading the post correctly.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

We used to do the Christmas gift exchange with siblings and the spouses/significant others. Mom would put everyone's names on slips of paper and put them into a cereal box. I would pull out the names and we made the list in front of everyone. That gave everyone an entire year to find a gift.

For some reason, both my SILs (hateful hags) got their knickers in a twist about it. SIL2 (2nd brother's wife) made some snotty comment that Mom and I rigged it. I rolled my eyes and said, "How can it be rigged when we do it IN FRONT OF YOU?" SIL2 said, "I don't know, but I'm sure you did." Before Mom could say anything, I handed the names and box to SIL2 and said, "Then you can take over." She stood there with her mouth hanging open for a few seconds, then dropped the names into the box, turned and handed the box to SIL1 so she (SIL2) could draw names. SIL2 pulled out my BILs name, then pulled out her own. "Oh, this won't work. He had my name 3 years ago." And put her name back into the box. My then-boyfriend said, "So? What's the problem? Didn't he get you a good enough gift last time?" If looks could kill...

When SIL2 pulled my name out of the box, I took it from her and crumpled it up and said, "I've decided that from here on out, I will give to those in need and adopt a family for Christmas." We never did another gift exchange. That was almost 25 years ago.

MY boyfriend at that time looked at her and

Disillusioned's picture

She is truly horrid Willow, you are correct about that

Whether DH got mad that I gave his water away or not, does not give his sister the right to behave like a two year old, lashing out at me, slamming down a bottle of water so hard she almost cracks it open, and otherwise making a gigantic public scene. To me - there is absolutely no excuse for that behaviour at all

Unlike Ladyface's untrue statement, my DH does not create drama. He simply got annoyed that I gave away his water. If that is creating drama than I think I'm missing it here!!

And as far as the email, DH didn't even read it and deleted it later because well, he is man and sometimes when it comes to things like his families Christmas lists, who is buying what gift and for who, whose birthday it is, etc... he isn't that organized! And, because he generally leaves these things up to me. Just like he did when he was married to BM. Just like FIL used to do with MIL when she was still around.

DH was not creating drama by asking his sister to send the list to me, he was telling her politely that I'm better with that stuff and he would appreciate it being sent to me rather than him.

The only drama that involved was on the end of his angry jealous sister who had a meltdown because her brother would dare to ask her to send the list to the NON blood family member

Disillusioned's picture

Actually the one who was rude keepitsimple, was DH's sister.

When I politely asked her if she would like water, her response was to stand there staring straight ahead and refusing to even acknowledge I had spoken to her, and while doing this saying yes anyway. Now THAT was rude. Very, very rude. And why on earth would DH stand there and watch his water given to her, after witnessing her being so incredibly rude and childish to me. I'm surprised he didn't snatch it right back, and tell her where to go

No wonder DH responded that way! He has every right. He is as fed up with the childish, nasty behavior of his sister as I am

The only person rude in this entire episode was DH's sister. No manners whatsoever

Rags's picture

Direct public confrontation with these types of idiots is a lot of fun and is about the only way I have found to bare their asses enough that they will at least crawl and stay under the slime covered rock they inhabbit at the bottom of their shallow and polluted gene pools.

It is an amazing thing when a reasonable person marries a mutant from one these gene pools. Someone not cursed by the toxic crap.

Someone like your DH for example.