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DH's sister and daughter's evilness crosses the line

Disillusioned's picture

So I'm getting dressed this morning, when DH comes up from doing his workout in the basement. He says, hey dear I'm almost at 20 minutes on the treadmill now. I look at him, and think, great job. This from the guy that wasn't working out, or looking after his diet at all, to now total lifestyle change, has lost a noticeable amount of weight, doing all the right stuff and thinking how proud I am of him. He looks good and feels great

Then I remember how his sister and his daughter treated him the last time we were at one of his family get together's, how they didn't so much as say hello to him let alone mention the obvious weight loss, nor even have the decency to ask about his health - as this is the whole reason we've made these total life style changes

It's one thing to stomp around the house with a scowl on your face and not so much as acknowledge we're alive like his sister does, or to so much as show an ounce of concern about her brother's (or in OSD's case, her father's) health, but what really IMO is what crossed the line, was when they actually started to belittled DH & I about the life-style changes made.

And they staged it too. They planned it, together, and staged it.

And BM was in on it too

It was at Christmas and everyone had pretty much finished opening their presents. OSD announces that there was a gift there for FIL from BM...that's a whole other post - how some years there will be presents for SIL and FIL under the tree from BM too - guess her way of making sure I know she's still a part of the family. Whatever, I digress. Anyway, so OSD makes a big deal about it saying "Poppa (FIL) you're going to just LOVE this!" And that it's a gift certificate from some restaurant. I hadn't heard of it and neither had FIL who casually asks about it, since he hasn't heard of it.

OSD says, nice and loud for all (most especially DH & I) to hear, that it's this great restaurant, who is geared for really healthy meals. I thought that was rather interesting, since OSD who has never shown any interest in anything healthy, and hasn't so much as made a comment to DH about his obvious weight loss due to much healthier eating and yet is just SOOOO excited for FIL about this super healthy restaurant

Anyway after she mentions that the whole theme of this place is nutritious healthy choices, DH's sister pipes up and in and even louder voices says "Oh NOOOOOOO, not healthy is in Disillusioned & DH's healthy I hope" and then OSD says, in the most sickeningly enthusiastic and peppy voice "Oh NO, Auntie (SIL) this is really DELICIOUS food"

I had to bite my tongue from saying to DH's sister, "exactly what do you mean not like Disillusioned & DH's food, how would YOU know what we eat, YOU have never eaten what we're now eating, you can't even so much as ask your brother how he's doing, who are YOU to judge us?"" but even if I wanted to say that to her before I could even register her insult, DH had started to take her bait by saying to just wait a minute, the food Disillusioned is cooking is delicious, OSD had mentioned also Indian food which she likes and DH mentioned how I had learned to make a version of it since he can't eat it any longer, and his sister got even ruder going "okaaaaayyyyyyy" really sarcastically, like SHE would never eat such a thing let alone cook it, yada yada

It had kinda bothered me after the fact, how rude and nasty, but today as DH stood there proudly reporting to me how he was progressing in his workout, some things occurred to me

One, how his sister and daughter - and BM - and staged that whole drama. OSD made sure to add to FIL, after telling ALL of us, LOUDLY, what BM had gotten for FIL that BM wanted to MAKE SURE that FIL could enjoy himself so she was taking the grandkids for the night, so that everyone (except DH & I of course) could take FIL out to this place, and they could all take their time and enjoy themselves, as she really wanted that for FIL. :sick:

You know, it's one thing to ignore your father (or in SIL's case, your brother) and his wife and treat them like utter garbage because you are a jealous, insecure nutcase. But quite another when you actually start to belittle them for doing something like looking after their health. That crosses the line. That is abuse. Their true evil colours are showing.

DH looks great. And, I've also lost weight as a result and have had lots of people not only notice, but we've both got lots of compliments, so clearly it's obvious and DH's family does notice (OSD and SIL can't stop staring when they think I might not notice so I know they definitely do Biggrin ) and I'm not saying that because I'm looking for them to compliment but rather my point is, they deliberately pretend not to notice, even worse not so much as ask about his health, and yet they plan and stage this whole orchestration, because they are so ridiculously evil, spiteful, people who can't control their envy.

I have to laugh because it seems to me that they spend an enormous amount of time planing evil rotten ways to stick it to us (me) and not because we have ever done anything to give them any reason, but because they are so obsessed with taking us down, such little minds.

DH & I are just living our lives. Most of their nonsense we don't notice (or don't let on we do Biggrin ) and at the time I let it all roll off my back, but it did bug both of us after the fact that they do not show any concern for his health, but again to take it even farther to belittling us and staging this whole thing just to try to make us look "uncool" tells me they find us TOO COOL for their liking Biggrin and their jealousy is showing again haha!!

Rags's picture

This is much like the crap my IL clan likes to sling. Less so in recent years since my bride I assumed a zero tolerance stance on this kind of crap but they do still let it surface occasionally.

What solved the issue for us in the relationship with my bride's family was when we began to immediately address this kind of crap publically in front of everyone. The first reaction was for the party we confronted to stop interfacing with us and the rest of the family if we were around. Interestingly the relationships within the rest of the family improved quickly with the absence of the toxic element. The next stage was for the toxic element to recognize that everyone else was having a great time without them which caused them to start to play the "everyone hates us" card. We just ignored that crap other than to inform them that they were welcome to participate if they did not inject toxic bullshit into the mix. Over time they re-engage and adjust their behavior. Over the years things have for the most part stabilized and stayed on a pleasant track. When someone deviates... we confront it immediately and do not tolerate it.

I recommend that you try the immediate confrontation model, bare their asses in front of everyone they are playing their part in front of, and keep smacking them into submission until they either catch a clue and correct their behavior or they just stay gone. Usually I find that these toxic bottom feeders cannot stand being confronted on their toxic crap. They whine, cry, and play the victim but ultimately if you keep holding them accountable for their crap and continuously confront their crap they can't hang.

Either way there is an improvement. If they are of any character at all they will adjust their behavior and re-engage. If not.... then good riddance.

SMforever's picture

The best revenge is living well. They sound like a bunch of small minded people who don't deserve your attention. Just enjoy your good health and remember that being happy and avoiding negative thought is part of it!

These women are under no obligation to show "concern" for his health, but I hope he responds appropriately by forgetting to include them in his will.

Disillusioned's picture

Yes in some incidences that just may work with them Rags. On the few occasions in the past when I have confronted either OSD, or SIL, they almost look terrified Biggrin . It's hilarious. So expected that someone would actually stand up to them that they don't know how to handle it!