DH expressed anger to FIL about OSD's behaviour towards me
Yesterday DH & I had dinner with FIL
We stop by FIL's place to pick him up. As FIL is getting in the car he says hello to me, asks me how I am etc.. and when I ask him how he's doing he says great, that he had had lunch with OSD earlier that day
I say that's nice, then FIL says "weren't the pictures OSD sent of the grandkids great?!"
Now OSD never ever includes me on the "family email updates" so, I casually say to FIL no I didn't see the pictures, I don't receive those email updates. I didn't say it in a mean way or anything, because I could honestly care less what OSD does at this point, I was simply stating the facts to him
FIL seemed very taken aback though, and then said Oh, that he thought I saw them too
I was about to just make light of the situation and comment that I bet they were cute pictures, but DH cuts in and says "No FIL, Disillusioned didn't get the pictures, OSD makes a point of excluding her, and I'm not happy about it either"
FIL, not surprisingly, jumps to OSD's defense by saying that maybe she doesn't have my email address (ridiculous as she's emailed, texted, and even called me on any occasion she actually wants something from me, like helping "host" - pay for - YSD's showers, or "attend" - fork money out - for her jewerllery parties, etc.. etc..)
But include me on a family email update with pics of the grandkids, ya right!
Anyway, DH tells FIL that OSD does have my email
FIL says "well maybe OSD thinks if she sends the email to you DH, that it's sent to both of you"
DH again says no, she sends it to the whole family with Disillusioned excluded, just to stick it to Disillusioned and him, and that he wishes she would grow up already and get over it
Finally FIL says "well why don't you talk with OSD then DH, and tell her that you don't like what she's doing"
DH says that he has spoken to her, right from the beginning when she started sending out the family picture updates and noticed I wasn't on the list. That he suggested then to OSD that it would be really nice if she included me on those (pictures of the grandkids) and that he would like to see that happen. DH then said to FIL that despite him talking to OSD about it, she continues to send out those updates to everyone, with me excluded. That he is sick and tired of the family politics in their family
At that point FIL said nothing. FIL was the one may years ago to point out how he didn't like OSD's hostile and disrespectful behaviour towards me. He had said to DH that he "they/their family, didn't act that way" that he was embarrassed, angry and disappointed in the open mistreatment of me, someone he thought was a class act and had been nothing but exceptional to her, and it was hugely humiliating for him to witness me be treated openly like garbage by her in return. But I guess now, all these years later and OSD has gotten a little smarter about her methods, no more open hosility simply these little passive-agressive head games, that FIL tries to convince himself it's all in the past and all is good
I again tried to lighten the situation at that point, and this time succeeded, by simply saying I"m sure the pictures were very cute, the grandkids are adorable. FIL then started going on about the latest happening with YSGS, and it all blew over
On the way home I thanked DH for supporting me, and mentioned I had no idea he felt so strongly about it all, but that I worried saying anything to fIL was not the best thing. FIL tells DH's sister everything - she will defend OSD and say much the same that FIL suggested, and turn it around to be all us that have the problem - and then she'll be right on the phone to OSD congratulating each other at having gotten a reaction from "us" which is of course why both OSD and DH's sister do these things in the first place
DH went on about how he doesn't care if they think "we're" upset about it, HE is pissed at the infantile behaviour from his daughter and sister and he is going to be vocal about it. That they have no reason, never have, to carry on this way.
I agree with DH there, for many many years I went out of my way to be there for them, including when OSD lived with us fulltime (and with DH gone 50% of the time on business travel I was the only 'parent' she had then) never been anything but decent and kind to her, and she has repeatedly kicked me in the teeth in response.
I sort of wish he wouldn't. I did say to him that at this point in time "it is what it is" if OSD does not want to accept me as her family I've long ago come to heads with it, it does not upset me in the slightest and DH should maybe just let it go as well.
Well see how this plays out I guess....