YSD and her Hurtful Games
I have suspected for some time now that YSD's display of just 'adoring' me, thinking I'm the best thing ever for DH as well as them, etc..has been nothing more than that - a big phoney baloney display, put on to look like a good guy, when deep down she's got issues with the relationship between DH & I just like her sister, OSD, and her Aunt (SIL)
Many things over the years that were hurtful, but I guess could be written off as something else, and not wanting to believe that all is not as wonderful as it seems with her and I, stupidly chose to quiet that voice and think the better of her instead
But after a video call with her and SGD and DH & I a couple of days ago, I was left feeling like she not only deliberately walked all over me and treated me like garbage, but that she took absolute pleasure in it too
So DH & I - me actually - bought all sorts of wonderful little things for SGD and DH & I mailed them out. Toys, chocolates, nice gifts, adorable card for SGD as well as one for YSD and SSIL as well
YSD agreed to a time that DH& I along with YSD and SGD could do a video call and we could see SGD opening her package from us. Both DH & I were pretty excited - not a lot going on these days LOL
Now SGD is not quite 3 and as they live out west we don't see her face to face often. YSD and her family visit every year or so and we go out there every year or so. So in SGD's short not quite three years she's only had about three occasions where we've had any real in person visits with her.
On all of those visits SGD has had about as much time with me as she has with DH and she has been pretty accepting of both of us.
I have noticed on each visit, even before she barely had started to talk, she would start off with knowing DH was "poppa" and not quite sure who I was, YSD seemed to encourage her more to be around DH, and would be more vocal about SGD adoring DH. It's not a competition and I could care less but it was pretty apparent to all of us that SGD got pretty attached to me even if not encouraged and the last visit we had with them, even YSD had no choice after SGD was more that happy to be with me that "SGD is pretty taken with Disillusioned"
Yet on the video call a couple days ago,which is the first we've actually seen SGD in a while (so certainly nothting much we or I could have done to change that) it was the total opposite
As soon as we get on the call the child says "Hi Poppa!" nothing to me
When they open the gifts and YSD says to SGD 'what do you say" SGD says "Thank you poppa!" not a word to me
DH mentioned "and Grandma Disillusioned too"
A little more chit-chat with YSD and then SGD says "I love you poppa"...at this point I'm thinking, good one, you barely know this man so hmmmm, did your Mom tell you to say that?
And then SGD says "You're the best Poppa"...again, I'm thinking since this little girl barely knows her grandfather rather funny that she would tell him he's the best
Seems to me YSD prepped SGD for the call, made sure to tell her to say hello to DH, thank DH, tell DH she loved him and that he was the best. And of course, not one word to me because of course although YSD insists that SGD call me Grandma and everyone expects me to play the role, no respect for my role, for me, or even for all that I've done, is given. Quite the opposite. Couldn't have been more obvious how tottally unimportant and invisible I apparently am
And the whole time, YSD had this weird smile on her face
Hmmmm....satisfied that she had made me feel like garbage?
Guess I never do learn.
Always having a big heart and wanting to believe my YSD does care about me, is not like her sister or aunt and doesn't have those issues. That she wouldn't deliberately do anything to be hurtful to me, but, that sure did feel like a real kick in the face!
Don't think I'll be doing anything thoughtful for her or her family again
What is it with these adult skids and their issues?