DH asked how much more he can support me - I gave him an earful!
After the video call on Easter with YSD (in which she again made sure that her and SGD treated me like the invisible person and that the only person that mattered to them was DH) I said to DH that this is why I don't want to participate on these calls
DH says to me that he has done nothing but support me ??
....I'm assuming he figures because he maske sure to say the package is from "us" or use the term "we" that this is support
I say to DH that his idea of support and mine are not quite the same, and so he asks me what I mean, what else could he have done on the call
So since he asked, I told him that for starters he could have addressed each and every time, whenever either SGD or SD said something that clearly demonstrated what YSD was up too
For example, when "we" waved at SGD at the start of the call and "we" smiled at SGD and "we" both said hello to SGD and she responded with "Mommy look my Grandpa, Grand papa, Papa is waving at me!" this was a perfect 'training moment' for you DH to say something to SGD about how it wasn't just "Grandpa/Grand papa/Papa" waiving at her but so was Grandma Disillusioned waving at her too. I said to DH if he really wanted to know what else he could have done maybe he could have pushed that for YSD's benefit even more with something like "hopefully you guys can see Disillusioned on the call too" and when YSD replied yes they could well then he could have said something like "Oh okay, strange that SGD doesn't seem to see Disillusioned as she didn't acknowledge her at all, and Disillusioned is right here nicely waving at her, would be nice for her to wave back"
LOL, yes DH is looking at me like "really?" and I'm like, well you asked me and there is one great example of where you didn't do any of the above, you just ignored that whole little start to the call and carried right on.
I gave him two more examples; like when YSD mentioned how the last party SGD had was "at your house Dad" again, perfect opportunity to say "oh yes at Disillusioned and my house" and when YSD said she asked SGD "do you remember the birthday party you had at Grandpa DH's?" DH could have said something along the lines of "Oh yes the party at Disillusioned and my place that Disillusioned held! Yes that was amazing, the decorations, the cake the food....Disillusioned went to so much trouble to make everything nice and the beautiful princess dress she bought for SGD as well. Does SGD remember all that and know that her Grandma Disillusioned did these nice things for her?"
Yes I'm exeraging and was with DH too, to make a point but in the end I told DH that I don't actually care about him doing or saying any of that. To really support me he only has to do some simple things:
STOP denying that SD isn't up to sneaky slimey tactics aimed at alienating me on these calls and simply admit this is what she's doing, not to mention clearly only encouraging a relationship with you for SGD only and does not encourage that for me as much as she loves to pretend that she does.
ACKNOWLEDGE that despite all that, I've been as decent a human being as I can to these people and spent many wasted years trying to form relationships and have every right to be done with this
STOP pushing me to have relationships with these people
And maybe DH, since they have no clue how to show any appreciation to me at all, ever, for anything, maybe you could say thank you once in a while like today when you insisted I join that call and for you I did, and was nothing but pleasant and classy to them and was treated like absolute garbage in return
Well - all I can say is DH simply had nothing more to add to any of that.
We haven't talked about it since, but he does seem to be thinking about it all.... LOL