BM has "clothing optional" pool parties
The BM of my boyfriend's 4-year-old sometimes has "clothing optional" pool parties with her adult friends. My boyfriend and I knew about this before, and weren't overly concerned. Today, his 4-year-old son mentioned that she had a 4th of July pool party yesterday, and that the adults didn't wear swimsuits. He told us that he didn't wear one, either. My boyfriend immediately texted his ex, who confirmed it, saying "You know that my pool has always been clothing-optional, since you lived here." We are extremely concerned that she is exposing their 4-year-old son to this lifestyle, and that he is participating in these parties. I'm not sure if we have any legal recourse, but I would love any advice on this matter. This isn't the first time we've had concerns, either... he just recently (2 months ago) got a bed of his own at her house. He had been sleeping in her bed up until then.
Hey, this got buried under
Hey, this got buried under other posts, but I'm really concerned about this issue and need a little advice. This is the first time I've posted here, so I'd appreciate any insight you might have. Thanks so much!
I'm sure you could report it
I'm sure you could report it as indecent exposure. Afterall, these people that are in the pool are strangers to this kid.
I worry that because it was
I worry that because it was in his mother's backyard, it won't count as indecent exposure. But maybe it would, I guess I need to check the laws. Thanks!
Thanks for the feedback. My
Thanks for the feedback. My DH did tell me that she always had a "clothing optional" pool (although he never participated), but he didn't realize that she was allowing other (non-related) adults to be nude around their son. He was shocked when he found out. I don't think it's horrible for her to be nude around her son either (in the pool or around the house), and the sleeping together think is OK too, but now that it is extending to other adults, it makes me question the rest. Know what I mean?
My main concern is that although the other adults at her nude pool parties might be her friends, she can't be 100% sure that none of them have any bad intentions around her son. That's the part that worries me. And I'm sure alcohol is served at her parties, so it could potentially be a very unsafe situation for a 4-year-old.
I just want to point out that
I just want to point out that a just because someone swims naked doesn't make them more likely to be a pedophile.
I'm not trying to belittle your concern, I think naked pool parties around 4 year olds are not on. It's just in your last post you said:
"she can't be 100% sure that none of them have any bad intentions around her son"
and I don't think the nudity has f'all to do with that. NONE of us can ever by 100% sure that the people we bring into our lives don't have any bad intentions. Swimming nude wouldn't make someone have bad intentions if they didn't already have them and I'd think that most pedophiles would NOT participate in nude swim parties anyway.
Ditto with the serving of alcohol. It's quite a stretch to say that because alcohol is served it could be a 'very unsafe situation' for a 4 year old. If alcohol is being abused, maybe, but not if it's used responsibly by some of the people there.
My point is, I hope you weren't implying that people who swim nude are pedophiles or that everyone who serves alcohol is dangerous to children.
Good points, thanks! I
Good points, thanks! I definitely didn't mean to say that anyone who swims naked or anyone who serves alcohol is more prone to being pedophiles, it's just that learning about these parties made me think a little more about what might be going on at her home when the kid's around. Y'know? Sorry if I came off as prudish or offensive.
And my DH and I drink, have parties, etc... but we generally don't do it around his son. We save the "adult parties" for when she has him, and would like for her to do the same.
I agree with you, but she
I agree with you, but she also said that SS4 didn't wear one either, which is where I personally would have concerns. I think a bunch of nude, unrelated adults around a nude 4 year old is very shady. I would pitch a huge fit if DH did something like that with our BD.
We texted her to let her know
We texted her to let her know we don't like the situation and said we'd be happy to have him during her adult parties in the future. She hasn't responded so far, which could either mean she is OK with that or she just won't tell us when it's happening.
plan on her not telling you
plan on her not telling you when it is happening. You'll have to trust that you SS will tell you when they do happen.
I am sure you could file with
I am sure you could file with the police with something like indecent exposure of a child---exposure in front of a child, get her on some kind of pedofile thing.
These things make me so mad cause My DH's ex father in law is a registered sex offender and his ex wife and her new husband shove it under the rug.
I think it's abuse. It's not
I think it's abuse. It's not cool to expose a 4 year old to a bunch of naked people. I would call dcs.
Unacceptable. I would call
Unacceptable. I would call CPS. An ex of mine grew up with parents who did things like this. Shockingly, he was also sexually abused.
Someone needs to look out for that child.
I used to work for a family
I used to work for a family law attorney and this would definitely be something that you could bring before a judge -- and definitely call child protective services at the same time. I would call an attorney immediately, and find out what to do. Don't waste time. Obviously she isn't concerned. She's having alcohol parties and nude parties at the same time around a child -- both bad to expose a child to. That alone I think would be enough to get some restrictions put in place! Definitely don't sit on it!