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Negative feelings towards SD11

Stepsingle's picture

I have known my SO for 14 years, been together 5 years. We live together with their DD11 and I don't like her at all... We  had a really good relationship and thought we were close, but in the last 18 months she has been 'out to get me' and  I  can't take it anymore.

The way she speaks to us is disgusting, there is no respect respect, we are just there to meet her every want. Of she doesn't get it then she throws tantrums, shouts, mocks and belittles. She tells us no all the time and won't do as she is asked unless there is something in it for her, and even then most of the time she still won't.

She lies about me, hides or breaks things and says I have done it. Tells me lie that my SO has said or done. She has no respect, no manners. No matter what I do it is never enough or forgotten about as soon as she doesn't get her own way. She doesn't do any chores or contribute what's so ever. Everything has to be done for her.

She has 'lost' 3 mobile phones, thrown a hoover down the stairs, kicked me in the face. Tells me she hates me, takes my things and things of my SO and hides them.

She has ran away from me on the way to school, on the way back  from shopping. Manipulates my SO to get what she wants. She is so rude.

SO puts in consequences, takes tech, early nights, removes puddings, but she doesn't care about any of it.

She punishes us. Goes onto my SO phone and reads all out messages, deletes our messages, reads messages to other people and twists what my SO has been talking about. Uses them to hurt me.

There is so much and I can't take anymore. Last night I expressed that I hate this girl to my SO and apparently she heard... and I don't even care that she heard. I want her to know the hate I'm feeling, because you can't go around treating someone like this and just expect them to keep on giving, for her to keep on taking from me.

I'm exhausted and have no support because I an always left being in the wrong. 

I am so lonely


Rags's picture

Your SO isn't man enough to fix this.

He needs to take a belt to her  ass each time she pulls this crap.  Pain connects the  brain to understanding that poor choices return negative results.

Badger1986's picture

Oh you know parents don't do that anymore because it will hurt their whittle feelings! Haha 

reedle2021's picture

100% agreed.  I cringe to think what my dad would have done to us kids if we had talked to our mother that way, let alone kick her.  Dear lord..... Sad

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Once this out of control tween kicked you in the face, big changes should have been implemented. 

You can leave, you can continue to offer yourself up for abuse, or you can disengage. Those are your options, and your SO's behavior should weigh heavily in your decision. It's his duty to protect you from his bratty kid, not subject you to it. At minimum, I wouldn't be doing anything for or with such a monster. Let your SO figure out the care, feeding, and transport.

Is your SO working the problem? Has he sought medical and psychological evaluation for her? Offered to exercise his custody time outside the home? Met with his daughter's teachers? Is she in therapy?

You don't have to suffer for other people's problems. These situations seldom get better, so imagine what this girl will be like as a teen. Then think about the billions of other people you could build a life with - a calm, peaceful life where you're loved and appreciated. Do what's best for you.


ndc's picture

She kicked you in the face?  What did her father do?

She ran away from you on the way to school and the way back from shopping?  Why are you taking her to school and shopping?  You should disengage from ill behaved brats who lie to you and about you, and shouldn't be responsible for getting her anywhere.  Leave anything having to do with his daughter to your SO.  Where is her mother?

She reads the messages on your SO's or your phone?  For heaven's sake, password protect those phones and keep them away from her!

This girl sounds like she has serious issues.  What is her father doing to address them?  It doesn't sound like he's found her currency, if she has one, because nothing he's doing seems to be working.  I think at this point you need to save yourself and he needs to get her help.  You hate this girl.  You know it, your SO knows it, and now the child knows it.  No child should be living with an adult who hates them, and you shouldn't be living with a troubled child who treats you as badly as this one does.  Can you live apart from your SO until he manages to get her under control or launched?

shamds's picture

She kicked me in my face. Also if she is snooping daddys phone, he needs to passcode protect it. Heck my husband has a 6 digit passcode and my phone does too. My kids know my passcode only for playing games but skids do not know their dads passcode yet alone have access to it.

weak parents allow this crap to continue. If they were hell bent on addressing this, they would have put the fear of god into them long ago and that kid would have been scared shitless into making reparations and immediate changes.

reedle2021's picture

This child's behavior is out of control and beyond inappropriate.  Hitting you?  Being disrespectful?  Looking through her dad's phone? NO effing way.  No way.  

I agree with other posters, your SO needs to address this immediately and make it clear to this brat that under no circumstances is she allowed to talk to you in a derogatory manner or physically assault you. And there needs to be serious consequences for her behavior when it does occur. 

I think it would be appropriate to disengage, get this kid into counseling, and maybe have her stop coming over for a while. Personally, I wouldn't want her in my home or around me in any way, shape or form. 

So sorry you are going through this.  My last thought is this, where is this behavior coming from suddenly?  I just find it strange that things were okay, you all got along and then things deteriorate to this point.  Just seems suspect to me.

Rags's picture

Make her choices a living hell until she turns 18 and goes to prison. WHich with this one, is likely a foregone conclusion.

Protect yourself.

And good riddance when she becomes a convict/inmate.

Miss T's picture

That's all I'd give DH to acknowledge that his kid is a monster and to take agressive steps to protect you from her. Minute 6, I'd be out the door and send for my stuff later.

By the way, getting her into counseling,taking her shopping, devising workarounds to counter her snooping, etc.--none of this is your responsbility. She has parents. If they won't deal with her, this is not the relationship for you.

PetSpoiler's picture

If I had treated my stepmother the way your SD treats you, I would not be here to tell the tale.  She probably would've handed my behind to me.  My dad would have whether she did anything or not.  Then I would've caught it from my mother when I got home.  So yeah, I would not be here.  My SS wouldn't be here had he done any of those things to me. 

Is her mother in the picture?  Her father is for sure failing her.  He is teaching her that it is ok to treat you like this when he refuses to address her behavior.  He either straightens his little terror of a child out, she isn't welcome until he does, or as Dr. Shirlee would say "get your bowling bag and get the hell out of there".  

CLove's picture

So Stepsingle - how are you?