I'm new to the site so please forgive me if I don't use some of the appropriate abbreviations, I'm sure I'll learn them all in time!
A little back-story: My SO and I dated for two years (2010-2012) and then we split. He ended up dating another woman, got very manipulated and decided to have a baby with her after dating for 3 months. This woman is an abusive narcissists, with too many addictions to list. After the birth of their daughter, their first intimate moment resulted in the conception of their second child. Irish twins, 10 months apart. After the birth of their second child, at 2 or 3 months old...they split because their relationship was so incredibly toxic. They have been separated ever since. Last June SO and I reconnected. Once his baby mama found out, she was livid. She knew us before when we dated the first time and she is aware of the connection we share and how much we love each other. Since she found out, she has written to me personally a couple messages, that really seemed to have no other meaning than trying to get me to walk away and she lashed out at him both through text and phone calls, as well as screaming at him several times in front of their children. She has told the children that I am a horrible person, that I will never be family, that they need to hate me and other terrible, adult things that children should not be exposed to. All the while she's been a neglectful parent, who has her mother raising her children (since she sleeps most of the day and works late nights) and has now attempted to cut off all communication with my SO; telling him to speak directly to her mother instead of her. She won't even greet her children when we (rarely) drp them off at her home; the walk in to a dark empty house and have been trained to quickly close the door behind them. The entire thing, in my opinion is quite immature and mostly detrimental to her children, which she doesn't seem to care.
*A side note about my relationship with Skids: We have a great relationship full of love, respect, caring, communication, learning and support. Our home is always happy and we stay open to talk about feelings and life's "big scary stuff".
So here is my question - my SO and I recently got engaged (yay!) but I know it's not appropriate to tell the children in the instance that they see their BM and tell her. She needs to hear it directly from my SO...how do we do it? I would assume in person would be best, but with her track record, we are both scared that she will react poorly and in front of the kids. We're also scared to tell her before the kids go back to her or are with her, should she lash out at them about it. She will ignore my SO's calls and then (if she does reply) she'll reply via text. Is it ok to text someone, "Hey, I'm engaged FYI..." ???
Thanks for your input in advance!