Musings on Friend Parenting and Failure to Launch
G'day fellow S'Talkers, had something on my mind and wanted to get thoughts of the group.
For those who may not have followed my tragicomic attempt at a relationship and Steplife in general, here is my cast of characters:
SO - Signficant Other, who lives with me.
SOS - Significant Other Son, who is sometimes still staying with me and SO
SOD - Significant Other Daughter, who lives with
TPP - the Trailer Park Prince, aka SOD's Sperm Donor.
SOD-GK - Signficant Other - Granddaughter, the child of SOD and the TPP.
My SO is a card-carrying "Friend-Parent" who belives in what I call the "Divinity of Bio-Children," which states that one's own bio-children are wise, learned, and make decisions that we should not question. Said children are not held to any standards of behavior or development, and can not have boudaries or consequences, since that would be "judging them."
As you might imagine (or might know if you've read my prior blogs), this approach ain't working out so well for SO's kids, SOD and SOS. SOD got knocked up by the TPP, who is unemployed and doesn't pay for anything. SOD is "gradually" easing back into the workforce after a year-long sabbatical while she was pregnant. She has many expensive hobbies and habbits (weed, piercings, make-up, tatoos, hair coloring, expensive nails, etc.) and expects SO to bank-roll her.
SO, of course, fully supports SOD. She does, in fact, bankroll her, draining her own paycheck every two weeks to prop up SOD, TPP, and SOD-GK. In addition to citing the Divinity of Bio-Children as a reason, SO also says that if she tries to implement boundaries, expectations, or consequences, then SOD will cut her off and she will "lose her daughter." She also knows that SOD would withhold SOD-GK, since SOD has already started withholding SOD-GK from her own father and his family (one of SOD's uncles made a comment questioning SOD's parenting decisions, so he was immediately banned). And on top of that, SO would lose a source of supply, since SO is a covert narcissist who views her children as mere extensions of her own personality, but that is a whole other post.
Literally **everyone** else in SO's family says she should stop coddling and bankrolling SOD. They (correctly) note that SOD is never going to grow up or develop life skills if SO keeps de-risking every aspect of SOD's life. This behavior allows SOD to keep acting like a child, and is stunting her growth since she never has to learn anything. But, citing the reasons above, SO is firmly on board with her current enabling plan.
I'm not niave. I know it's too late for SO, SOD, and even SOS. SO will never implement rulles, boundaries, or consequences. SO's kids will end up like JRI's skids and be irresponsible "kidults" for the rest of their lives. But my question is this: has anyone ever seen their SO pull their head out of their ass, and actually start expecting their kids to grow up? Did the kids start figuring things out for themselves, and develop life skills? Or did they end up living in their cars or homeless shelters (which is what SO thinks would happen to SOD and SOD-GK if she ever stopped supporting them). I am genuinely curious if there are any success stories of spoiled, enabled skids figuring it out in their later lives.