Anyone here married to a ADHD spouse
yea...its exhausting. SD has ADHD and yep no mystery where she got that from....DH is very ADHD.
He is undiagnosed and very unmedicated. Does this affect our marriage and life...uh yes...ALOT. More than he would admit.
After 15 years of my needs being put on the backburner...or just flat out ignored...I had a mental breakdown last friday. Not just a little bit of freakout..were are talking almost commitment level breakdown. (I'm better now...seeing my therapist again and finally putting my needs first)
This is culmination of years of never being first in my marriage....and due to DH's adhd. When you add in I have pretty much raised all of the kids by myself (with one kid that is on the autism spectrum)...and now I have the dogs (two are now special needs)...plus a stressfull and mentally demanding job its a wonder that I made it this long with out cracking my nut.
As DH has aged he is less in control of his adhd and it is now definately starting to take a toll on our marriage. I can't tolerate the interrupting, the not listening, no follow through, no executive function anymore. I simply cannot...and I cannot be responsible for everything anymore. I need to focus on my mental health.
Things need to change...as in nope..DH you need to deal with SD and her issues on your own. No sluffing it on me to deal with...write your own emails to teachers, etc. I cannot take that on anymore...
No more letting DH verbally vomit on me everyday when he is done with his workday. The interesting thing he said after my meltdown was he doesn't feel connected to me. I don't tell him anything anymore. Uh yea there DH...you trained me not to. When you interrupt me, tell me what I'm doing wrong, get irritated that I'm talking and or just flat out ignore me for the TV/phone/squirrel....it trains one not to talk to you. That is what you have presented to me..that my needs and thoughts do not matter and are not important. I get that its your ADHD and its not your intent..but it certainly doesn't make the impact any less powerful. So yes DH I would imagine you don't feel connected...but you've done everyting to make the connection none existent.
So....in short..anyone else deal with two ADHD people in the house....am I the only one that deal with this shiznit.