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So...along with DS I have DH also having tantrums

halo1998's picture

SD got a new job...woohoo for her. She is working at a local swim school as a front desk clerk.  No money involved....so probably a better fit for her.

Ah...let the games begin..and I liken this to being in the hunger games...the odds are never in my favor.

SD needs forms filled out and signed...needs to setup her direct deposit..find a black one piece swimsuit...(the string bikini Beaver bought her won't work) find swim shorts, etc.

Halo...has gone on record saying..NOT MY CIRCUS NOT MY MONKEY and Halo means it.  So DH has had to deal with all of this.  Where is Beaver....yea who knows...she is never around for the heavy lifting.

Now we have established that SD is not brightest bulb in the string so the simplest of tasks are hard for her. DH has to help...this frustrates him to no end.  SD has endless questions and some I have to just shake my head at and go..."really ...you have to have the explained" but whatever...once again.  NOT HALO'S CIRCUS NOT HALO'S MONKEY.  I also bit my tongue from yelling....DH THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR MARRYING AND PROCREATING WITH A ORANGE TOOTHED MORON....YOU GET LITTLE MORONS. (I mean for love of h3ll..Beaver is NOT attractive so you can't say he married her for her looks either ) However, I do know saying that would most certainly not be received well.  

The other day prior to DS tantrum...DH has been dealing with SD. I tried to help..as I knew where the paper work SD needed was...and DH decided to have a go at me.  MMmhh....yea NO.  I noped out there so fast it would spin your head.  This is a pattern with DH...I am his emotional dumpster and I'm not about to put up with that anymore.  I let him know I was out...and its not acceptable to do that to me.

Then we had the DS incident and then we have this morning.  Once again DH is frustrated with SD and getting some of these forms signed (work permit from the school..why she needs it since its summer and there is no school..who knows).  He comes home and started to unload on me.....or as he says..vent.  Once again, I told him NOPE...and said quit yelling at me over this and walked away.  I also told him he needs to get an appointment with his therapst asap to figure out how to handle the frustration in a healthy way....and I'm not his therapist.

However, I do see why I pull (pulled) away from him......anyone see a pattern here.....DH dumps on me...feels better but I feel like crap and have no one to talk to since DH didn't want to hear any of my "issues".  Yep..and the result..I disengage from DH out of self preservation.  Why would  I want to engage with someone who verbally vomits on me and then walks away?  There is no reciprication of support..talk about an intimacy killer.  So DH's complaint that there was no connection between us....yea well that is because he nukes it all the time by using me as his dumping ground.  

Comments

CLove's picture

Yes. When Husband is going through anything emotionally hard, he lashes out at me. When I want to talk because Im going through something hard, he interrupts or is busy or BFF is sitting in our garage for HOURS, so he is largely unavailable.

With you two, he is emotionally lashing out and unavailable. No wonder you skedaddle. I also skedaddle. Im gone pretty much every weekend, especially when SD16 B/M is there. I dont cook anymore. I dont clean anymore. Just checked out, like you are checking out.

halo1998's picture

I mean why wouldn't we.  I didn't sign up for this in a marriage.  Upside he did call his therapist and schedule a session for tomorrow.  So that is good I guess...

Ugh...so frustrating.

floralsm's picture

Where is beaver? Let's be real shes probably sleeping. Lol. 
I love that quote 'Not my monkey, not my circus'. I step away from a lot these days which means DH gets the full brunt of his kids. He gets so agitated these days from them and I just sit and agree. I don't offer to help out, he understands. I'm on medication for my anxiety from them and Toxic BM.  I hope your DH makes that therapist app. You can't be his venting bag as it just wears you down. 

Survivingstephell's picture

You need to change your method and phrase it this way: continue to yell at me and we won't have sex tonight or tomorrow night.  Then lift your shirt up.  LOL. According to Tic Tok it works for guys.  Simple creatures they are.  

Tried out's picture

Very Pavlovian but effective with the lesser of our species.

CorpseReviver2's picture

I also told him he needs to get an appointment with his therapst asap to figure out how to handle the frustration in a healthy way....and I'm not his therapist.

This all day long.  You didn't create this situation, you are not responsible for compensating for his executive function deficiencies, and you don't owe him that level of over-functioning so he doesn't have to deal with the responsibilities he signed up to handle.

It sucks that he chose a former partner who isn't a good parent, but that doesn't mean that it exempts him from doing the hard work or that he can push that on you.  Of course that makes you retreat - you're protecting your own mental health.  The fact that he is pointing to that and making it a "you" problem is concerning. 

He needs to get himself sorted. You deserve a fully engaged, supportive partner and even if SD is a simpleton, she deserves a fully engaged father who is doing his best to help her become a functional adult.