No more freebies
So, ever since my mental breakdown, I've been thinking about some of things that DH said during our fight that were very telling of how he see things. These things also hurt me quite a bit.
He always references "his responsibility to pay the mortgage" not "our responsiblity." He also insinuated that he doesn't see all the little "freebies" (not his word, but I am sure that is how he thinks of them) that I contribute to the relationship as valuable. These freebies include paying the car payment, gas for the car, utilities, cable TV channels, furniture for the house, half the groceries cost, baby shower gifts for his sister, christmas gifts for his kids, etc, etc. Nevermind that he makes 4 times as much as I do, and when I offered to pay part of the mortgage, he declined, saying that he makes more and I "do enough already."
So, I have decided that I am going to pay my share of the mortgage, and document it. If this means I can't pay for all the "freebies" that he and the skids enjoy, then too bad, so sad. I am tired of feeling like I don't contribute, even when I am broke all the time. He really doesn't see me as an equal partner. I don't know why. When I press him on this, he says I contribute a lot, but when he is stressed and angry, out come these statements that make me seem like I am wholly dependent on him and somehow not aware of how hard the real world really s. ( I survived as a single woman on my own until I met him at age 38, so where he gets this idea I don't know.)
So I am going to make it very apparent what I do, by NOT doing some of it anymore. I cancelled Netflix and and some other cable channels that we don't watch much. Guess who called him yesterday whining about how they can't watch their shows? You guessed it, the skids - who are at their BM's house, no less. DH is whining about not having shelves to put his books on, so I informed him that the money I was going to use to buy the shelves, is now going towards the mortgage. Also, on the days when he needs to the car to ferry around the skid who won't get her driver's license - I make sure to leave the gas tank on empty. Its funny how much he is noticing and commenting on things he used to take for granted. I don't watch that much TV, so giving up a lot of cable channels doesn't affect me. He and skids, however, are howling at the injustice of it all. It makes me laugh, and also helps me realize how much I did, that they just didn't ever appreciate. Now I feel like I am contributing, because I can whine about how hard it is to have to pay the mortgage. Hhehe.
So....things are looking up, friends! My DH isn't all bad, but lately he is acting a bit spoiled, so while I can't discipline the skids, I CAN show him the consequences of his thoughtless words.