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Teen Troubles

Mamma_Llama's picture

           At the time of this incident, SD was sleeping over at her friends and had been the previous five nights. This had initially been planned as a one or two night sleepover. However, night six into the "sleepover" she called us late at night to tell us she was physically and sexually assaulted by an ex-boyfriend. She had gone to his house where she was locked in his truck, using her phone to make an 18 minute audio recording before he attacked her.  She finally got out of the truck, ran off, called the police, filed a report, he was arrested and a temporary emergency restraining order was granted. She then even went to talk to the boys parents, who didn’t believe her story. Said “that wasn’t the boy she raised”.  That planted the seed in my head that there are two sides to every story and what is she even doing out in the middle of the night!?  She wanted to continue to stay at her friends even though we thought it best to come home.  We agreed she would come home the next day. 

 

            The next day her dad told her to be home by 3:30 or call. Hours went by with no word and when he called her she said she might be home by 8:00pm, but wasn’t sure as she was currently getting ice cream with friends. At this point we were very frustrated that she was not coming home. My perspective was that, had she been at her friends house and not out somewhere she did not have permission to be that this would not have happened, but I wasn’t blaming her. I threatened to take away her phone if she was not home by a certain time and told her she wasn’t going to be having sleepovers again for a long time. She then refused to come home at all. We had a heated conversation on the phone that only made things worse. During this conversation she disclosed a previous rape but said didn’t want to talk about it. She has since moved in with her maternal grandparents because she now refuses to have anything to do with me. 

Winterglow's picture

If she was locked in his truck, why TF didn't she call the police to start with rather than recording for 18 minutes?! 

hereiam's picture

Yes, instead of calling 911 to get help, I'm going to record this. Then, later, I will notify the police. Seriously?

 

Winterglow's picture

If she was locked in his truck, why TF didn't she call the police to start with rather than recording for 18 minutes?! 

S_mum's picture

I'm sorry, what? WTF did I just read?

My perspective was that, had she been at her friends house and not out somewhere she did not have permission to be that this would not have happened, but I wasn’t blaming her.

Oh, you are definitely blaming her. This is a textbook case of victim shaming. This, right here. You and her father were supposed to offer her support but instead...

I don't even know what to say.

Edit: Of course, the boy's parents are not going to believe her.  They might have blinders on. Just like some bioparents on here view their offspring as perfect little angels when in reality, they are anything but.

Mamma_Llama's picture

Not blaming her, just pointing out that if you're not standing on the tracks you probaby aren't going to get run over by a train.  

DHsfamilyfromhell's picture

There’s something not right here.

She even went to tell the boys parents?

- for many people the trauma would be too great to approach the parents and it would be left to the police. 

Also, many people would want to go to one of their homes after an incident....

She needs a psychiatrist. 

Mamma_Llama's picture

Yes, that was the first red flag in my groggy half asleep mind when she called. That they "knew her" and yet didn't believe her. I have contacted her psychaitrist whom I am hoping will reach out to her. 

notsurehowtodeal's picture

She is 16 and the police didn't contact her parents? Was she taken to the hospital - was a rape kit done? Instead of calling her, why hasn't your DH gone and picked her up? I can't remember your history - where is BM in all this?

Mamma_Llama's picture

Correct, no call from the police whatsoever. She was not taken to a hospital. The rape she mentioned would have happened in the past. I mentioned to her I was date raped at 15 so I know the perils of letting yourself get into a bad situation. She replied that she had infact been raped too. News to me! We've spent years and thousands on therapy including an extended stay at a residential treatment facility for cocaine use and that never came up. She has not had contact with her BM since she cut her off a year ago, after graduating from rehab and attempting to live with her full time. BM attempted disciplining and corraling her and she just ran away instead and has lived full time with us since.  I don't know why DH didn't want to run out and pick her up, other than that she assured us she could get home on her own, and wanted it that way. He asked me to get involved and the rest is history.  

notsurehowtodeal's picture

It might be worth it to get a copy of the police report. Since the victim is a minor, it might be more difficult to get - but I would think DH would want to know exactly what happened to his daughter.

IDontCare3117's picture

I'd want to see a copy of the police report and the restraining order.  

Minors who are 12 years old or older can file for restraining orders without the assistance of a parent or guardian. However, if you are under 18 and living with a parent or guardian, a copy of the restraining order must be sent to at least one parent or guardian, unless the judge determines it is not in your best interest to do so.1

1 Ann.Cal.C.C.P. § 372(b)(1) & (2)

IDontCare3117's picture

Also, given her history, why was your husband letting her spend so much time away from home?

hereiam's picture

Because he is an absentee father and does not really care.

He would rather not deal with her, so it's good for him if she stays with friends. The longer she stays away, the better.

Harry's picture

This sounds like it.  She dreams of something, or see something on TV. Then weeks later it happen to her. She in her mind can't tell the difference between what a real happen and what she saw in the movies.  
But they are smart enough to know the story has to make sense.  
i.e. she heard someone won money,  next week she think she won the money,  but she doesn't have it. She needs a reason for not having said money,  so someone stole it. Or was attack and someone took the money