Husband picks at my kids (his stepkids)
I have a SS15, BD13, BS12. My problem is that I have all the children 24/7, my husband works out of town and is home every other night and 1-2 days on weekend. My issue is nothing is equal in the household. I am a strict parent. I stay on top of my kids constant, but I do not discipline his son. There were issues early on where I was accused to mistreating his son (which I have never done) so if I have an issue I contact him, but most recently if I do that. he gets angry with me “because he is at work”. Note that I work full time also, and run 3 kids who all play multiple sports alone. If I try to bring up any issues once he is home his response is “you want me to beat his ass?” or something to tone of “it’s his only day off or that I’m obsessive because that was days ago and I can’t let it go”, but nothing gets settled or even addresses when it’s his child. On the other hand as soon as he walks in door he’s picking at my kids. Pick this up, pick that up, is your room clean? If so, well is the bathroom clean, have you showered? Let me smell your hair (not kidding). It don’t smell clean. Go have your mother smell your hair (for which I usually tell them I’m not smelling their hair and they are just kinda frozen as to what to do next). Note my kids are close to being child models. They aren’t dirty. They shower at least once daily. Have you been washing your face? If they take a quick shower there is no way they could have washed, if they take a long shower they are playing around or wasting all the hot water. If he needs something from his truck, he asks my child. If he wants clothes washed, asks my child. Will tell mine he wants dishes done, while his child sits on phone beside him. It’s constant picking, which leads me to almost always jumping in with “stop talking to them like that” and an immediate argument insues. I am constantly saying “worry about you/ worry about yours” and accused of being disrespectful to HIM... because I stand up for my kids. They aren’t bad kids, both are on honor roll, they do chores, they play sports, they have lost respect for him and have rolled their eyes but they would never talk back or say the things I know they want to. I honestly feel the eye rolling is from watching how his own son treats him. On the other hand his own a child is on a pedestal. He talks back, makes smart/snide comments and he just overlooks it. When he’s checking rooms he will tell mine not to come out till it’s done and never even look at his sons room. When his son Was near failing classes “just do better buddy”... when one of my children have one low grade it’s riding them to see the paper, interrogating them. While they still have honor roll averages. This weekend we went out of town... me and my kids are up and packing car while the two of them are sleeping late. We had everything packed except SS15 bags, my DAUGHTER goes to 2nd story to check trash cans and come back hauling SS suitcase. My husband told her SHE needed to do something, to carry his bags. When I questioned him about it? I’m the bad guy. I’m obcessive. Refused to talk. Saying he wasn’t going to argue. Told me “her hands were empty and needed to be doing something”. He carried no bags, his son carried no bags but me and my two (the youngest) loaded an entire vehicle, 2 cots, air mattresses and suitcases for 5. While the kids rode with friends I confronted him (again) and his response is “I won’t ever say another word to them”. That’s always the response. Fast forward till that night everyone helps unload the car. It’s 9:30ish... they take their bags to their rooms. Husband comes into living room and hollers for my son (12) and says get this (husbands) bag out of here and unpack it. It was my husbands bag. I lost it. Told my son to go to his room he wasn’t unpacking my husbands bag for him. I try to talk... he has nothing to say. I ask why his son couldn’t carry his own bag? I’m crazy. I’m obcessive. I’m bipolar. I’m always playing a victim. I’m just honestly wanting someone on outside to tell me I’m not crazy. I’ve given 100’s of examples. Tried to get him to see how I feel, how he makes my kids feel... I lived with a stepdad for a few years who did me this way as a child, and I still resent my mother for it. I’m ready to just give up and file for divorce, but other that this he is a good man. He is a hard worker. He does help when he is home, but I’m afraid of losing my relationship with my kids for allowing it to continue. Just want to see if anyone else has experienced this and how they dealt with it.