Stepson trip away with husband
Hi!
We are a newly blended family with many children. My stepson is turning 21 and his aunt and uncle offered to take him to Nashville for the weekend. His uncle asked my husband and I if we would like to go as well. My husband asked my stepson and he said that he wouldn't feel comfortable with me going because I am not his mother. My husband told him that she is my wife and he is not going to go. My stepson continues to ask him to go and he is now starting to reconsider. If my husband decides to go without me it will be a trip with his aun, uncle, stepson, and stepsons girlfriend. While I want to foster and encourage a great relationship with my husband all all of our children I am concerned by the message that it will send to his son. He is a loving and generous father who can not say no to his children. As you know brining two families together is a challenge. I am concerned this will set a precedence for th future and also convey the message that I am not important to my husband. Any thoughts or guidance is appreciated.
Your SS is purposefully
Your SS is purposefully trying to exclude you. There is nothing "uncomfortable" about it. Has DH asked SS specifically what his reasons are why he does not want you to go?
Major turn off if DH decides to go without you. It only sends the message to SS that he can control things.
^^Yes. Explain exactly that
^^Yes. Explain exactly that to your husband.
He needs to say to SS that my
He needs to say to SS that my wife will go or your girlfriend won't go. It's really that simple. Little MF'r needs a 2x4 upside his head.
he wouldn't feel comfortable
DH needs to squash this now. What will you need to be excluded from next to facilitate SS's comfort? This is the time for DH to stand up for both of you. If he acquiesces to this threat now, it will be much harder to stand up to his son's demands in the future.
You are not SS's mother. Girlfriend is not DH's daughter. Maybe DH should tell SS that he is not comfortable with girlfriend going on the trip as she is not his daughter. I imagine SS would not be happy.
My DH would not go on the trip without me. Early in our marriage there was an incident that resulted in DH telling his child that she was not going to dictate what would happen - that he did not need or want SD's control of his life.
There has to be more to the
There has to be more to the story than this issue. Have you have had a good relationship with the boy prior to this or a bad one? Is there a reason why he wouldn't like you.. were you the "reason" his parents broke up (seeing his father before he divorced his mother for example)?
If everything was great before hand.. I don't see why he would necessarily feel uncomfortable.. unless this is an uncle and aunt on mom's side perhaps? or if mom was also going.
More details from OP on why she thinks this is coming out like this would be good.. because her husband's stance of not going when his wife is being excluded is totally fair and right if there is no real reason the kid is having a problem with it.
Sometimes it can be as simple
Sometimes it can be as simple as SKs can be resentful jerks. Doesn't matter WHO Dad remarries, just the fact that he remarried at all can piss off SKs.
Your husband needs to be very
Your husband needs to be very clear to his son - you are his wife and your presence is not negotiable. You were invited therefore you should go. If that makes him uncomfortable, well ... he doesn't have to go, does he?
I would like to add that not
I would like to add that not only should your DH stand up to his kid, but if your DH follows through with going on that trip without you, you need to consequence your DH. If you don't, that teaches your DH that it's OK to exclude you and you're in for a lifetime of agony. Ask me how I know.
I like the recently pointed
I like the recently pointed out, by someone here on ST, fallacy that the step kid rejects the parents choice of partner/spouse but they themselves get to choose whoever they want and parent must accept THEIR partner no matter what.
You spouse cannot back down.
His uncle asked my husband
His uncle asked my husband and I if we would like to go as well. My husband asked my stepson and he said that he wouldn't feel comfortable with me going because I am not his mother.
Why is your husband asking his son ANYTHING? It is not up to him, the aunt and uncle invited the two of you. Either you both go or neither of you go.
It is absolutely ridiculous that your husband would contemplate going without you and I would certainly let him know that. Why would he even consider giving his son this power? Did he have to get permission from his son to marry you, too?
I see that everybody is fine with the girlfriend going along. She's not family.
Oh hell no. You go. Period.
Oh hell no. You go. Period. Dot.
That your DH put his spawn straight is great. Now, let DH know that either you go with them, or DH does not go. His whiney shit of a son gets zero say.
That DH asked his spawn about you going is alarming. DH should not have even had that thought much less asked skippy for his opinion.
So go. Be radiant. You and DH be demonstrably happy on each other's arm, have fun, and for damned sure do not give SS any chance to be a pouty little bitch about it. If SS wants to pout, rub his nose in his immature crap.
Meh.
None of the kids can or should be tolerated to inferfere in the happiness of your new marriage. You and DH are the sole priority. Kids, minor kids, are the top marital responsibility but not the priority. Kidults, do not matter, are not the priority... ever, and not a marital responsibility. They are raised. Their behavioral crap gets no more consideration than the behavioral crap of any other adult. But it does get immediate and brutal correction from daddy and from daddy's bride. And vice versa.
IMHO of course.