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Drama? No, that’s a Death Threat!

tfsimmons's picture

Hey y'all... First time finally posting after reading this forum over 5 yrs.  Married 20 yrs - both 2nd marriages, Hubby is 78 and I'm 60 and we live in a lovely coastal retired community.  He has 2 daughters, 49 & 52 - I never had kids.  Eight yrs. ago, tragically and sadly because of addictions, his son committed suicide leaving 5 children w/out a father.  DH's son hid his demons and had years of recovery.  An unthinkable loss that no parent can ever really heal.  He & I had a great relationship and I adore my grandchildren.

My OSD is also a addict, homeless and living with some gang banger out of his truck - fortunately across the nation.  She also has a son, just turned 20, who she lost custody of  when he was 3.  His father has done a great job but this young man has been thru the ringer because of her.  All these SKIDS grew up privileged, college degrees, cars - especially the SDs as they feel entitled where my SS wanted so badly to follow in his father's successful shoes.

Fast forward - OSD has financially abused DH most of our 20 + yrs together and I was a thorn in her claw as I saw the truth. I have been supportive when she tried to help herself and never ugly to her - I took a big sister stance.  Her father did her no favors enabling addictive behaviors but "guilt" is a strong thread throughout this forum.

Recently she texted me that she was out on the street again cause her boyfriend hit her, blah blah...  She was just tying to pimp us to get her a hotel room.  DH had a bout of Diverticulitis and was in bed for a couple days trying to heal & recover.  Told SD I was not going to share her situation with her Dad cause he needed to rest...  Told her she should call 911 on boyfriend and they would find her a safe shelter.  She went ballistic.  Texted me if anything happened to her father she would slit my throat and watch me bleed out. Cut off my fingers and f**cking kill me.  

Now I know she's all the way across the country and can only find money for Vodka - so chances of her showing up are slim...  But I've never been threatened before and it is not something I dismissed lightly.  Couple weeks later, told DH about text when he felt better.  Oh - "he's sorry"...

Last weekend she emailed DH that when she could, she wanted to make a surprise visit.  THAT'S IT!!  I said that was not a good idea...  Tuesday morning I took matters into my own hands and reported her to the police with a copy of her text.  If she ever pulls that shit again - I will prosecute her skanky ass.  DH has been a dick since then - big f**king deal.  Oh yeah - I completed my Concealed Carry Weapon class, start private lessons with Master Instructor next week and going to a Gun Show this Sunday - right after church.

Life is never a fairy tale - but if I knew 22 yrs ago what I know now...  These young women have to get out - it will only get worse - much worse.  Thanks for enduring a long post, Sisters!  Stay Strong or Run Long!

Missingme's picture

Wow, I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this lunacy on the part of your OSD and her limp dicked dad!  I'm assuming you're husband read the threatening text and yet isn't concerned for his wife nor did he raise hell with his daughter?!  I know you've been married 20 years and you're getting up in age, but dayum, I'd have to leave his ass immediately and get reimbursement for the pain and suffering!  You're in harm's way and he's doing nothing to protect you!  What does the other SD have to say?

Rags's picture

I am happy that you reported her to the local police and that you have your concealed carry permit.  

Kes's picture

Wow - what a nightmare.  Like you, I am in my 60s and have earned a little peace after many years of step hell.  I applaud your actions in going to the police and refusing to have anything to do with these awful people.  Your DH is ineffectual, so it is up to you to hold very strong boundaries - which you are doing - good for you - carry on with that, basically.  Keep us posted! 

NotCinderellasmom's picture

Im glad you reported her. Sorry she thought it was o.k to even consider threatening you.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

I'm so glad you decided to share your story with us. I can relate to several parts of it.

You were brave to go to the police after your DH's daughter threatened to kill you. I wish more members would adopt your "Take No Sh!t" stance.

I hope you'll share more about your step journey. Members who aren't as far down the path of steplife could learn a lot from you, especially the ones with minor skids who are just hanging by their fingernails, thinking life will get better once the skids grow up.

tfsimmons's picture

Sitting in my car reading your comments with tears of comfort rolling down... These things we StepMonsters go thru aren't casual girlfriend chatter - so to be in this place feels sacred!  I am blessed with an AMAZING sister that I can confide in - it's still painful because don't we want better for each other??  Thanks for caring and being a community of support.

Movingonisbest's picture

This is a horrible situation you are in, and your husband did not handle it like a man. When I read your post earlier it reminded me of another deplorable situation but I couldn't remember what that was. I eventually figured it out. Many many years ago I remember my aunt saying her friend's SDs didn't like the friend. I  thought to myself her friend was one of the nicest people I knew, so I couldn't fathom that. To make a long story short, according to my aunt, her friend had a disagreement with one of the SDs and it resulted the SDs physically assaulting her friend. Well her friend called her husband  (the SDs father) to tell him what happened. He left work, went home, and threw both of his daughters out of the home for assaulting his wife. In my opinion, that is what a man does. Protect his wife/significant other against anyone, even his kids if needed. Other than that situation I didn't know stuff like that goes on.

I dated men who had a kid or adult kid and never had them cause problems or be disrespectful. When I started dating my now ex it never crossed my mind that he had disrespectful adult kids (though it was mostly his youngest daughter). I am kind and respectful but very out spoken so I knew I wasn't taking any crap off his adult kids. Thing is one of my younger relatives told my ex while we were dating that she knew how disrespectful adult kids could get with the woman in their dad's life. She told him that if that occurred it was his responsibility to handle it because if he didn't he needed to know that it would never be a situation where it was his adult kids against just me. My relative told him his adult kids would have to deal with my family too, all of them. I asked my relative not to say that stuff to him because at that point his kids had not been a problem. But after the incident where his daughter had that tantrum disrespected him, verbally abused him, and disrespected our relationship, I can see my relative was just trying to protect me. After reading these stories on this message board, I really get it.

You said "Last weekend she emailed DH that when she could, she wanted to make a surprise visit.  THAT'S IT!!  I said that was not a good idea." Wtf??? I would have told DH and her she is never welcome in my home again and if he didn't like it then if she shows up he can take his pathetic a-- with her. However, under no circumstances would she ever be allowed in my house or even on our property again.

Rags's picture

Take care of you.  DH hasn't, the toxic Skid sure hasn't.  Give them both clarity and tolerate no crap from either of them.

Enjoy your life.  At any cost.