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Heartbroken, Worn to the Bone and Now Infuriated Again!

tfsimmons's picture

Submitted by tfsimmons on Fri, 05/26/2023 - 8:06pm

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Adult Stepchildren

My world, our world, was turned upside down in December when my husband of 23 yrs was diagnosed with ALS, (Lou Gehrig's disease).  It is Bulbar Onset - which aggressively affects speech, swallowing and breathing. Help me, Lord Jesus!  I have been on ST many years...  Knowing the prognosis - we brought his two daughters to our home in January this year for his birthday.  On the second night, we had to call police to confront one daughter with her out of control behavior (she's 55 yrs old - alcohol and prescription drug addicted).  The YSD was helpful - but only to get points it wasn't her this time!  I don't know why my husband has carried this cross (Disney Dad) for his daughters- but under this situation - when they send emails or phone calls whining "I'm broke and need..." I lost my shit on my husband who - only thru technology can speak - wants to send money for now needed dental work out of no where for YSD?  She is a total pathological liar - uses her YouTube Channel for complete sympathy deleting negative comments. These Skids have a very generous inheritance coming - they don't know anything but can only imagine.... For the love of God, give your father a break on your fucking drummed up drama!!  My husband no longer speaks, gets nutrition and hydration thru his feeding tube and barely walks even with a walker. I lean hard on my Faith but sometimes- I  temporarily just just worn out.  Tomorrow will be a better day.  Hope it will be for you as well...  Much love and gratitude to my ST family.

JRI's picture

Submitted by JRI on Fri, 05/26/2023 - 8:15pm

All sincere empathy and kind wishes for you, tfsimmons, and your DH.  May the SDs somehow gain the maturity to be positive factors for their dad.  Keep us informed, please.   

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Submitted by Rumplestiltskin on Fri, 05/26/2023 - 8:37pm

Damn, i'm sorry for what you are going through. People like SD, when they come into a lot of money, either blow it or OD. Either way, it won't be your problem. Take care of yourself and your husband and forget the SDs. There are 2 of them so they can be responsible for each other. 

CajunMom's picture

Submitted by CajunMom on Fri, 05/26/2023 - 8:41pm

Reading your post made my heart hurt for you...and for your DH. You need to take care of your DH. I don't even know what to say...just would love to give you a big hug. 

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Fri, 05/26/2023 - 9:53pm

What a pair of insensitive beeyotches!!!

Are you able to somewhat take hold of the money reins? If dental is needed and your DH is willing to pay, have the dental office call you (or you call them). Get an itemized bill of the work and pay at time if service.

Frankly, however, their behavior makes me angry. The insensitivity, the money grabbing, the total disrespect and disregard for their father's health and condition. I'd like to shake them 'til they're teeth fall out and they're ready for dentures. Maddening. 

No more overnights. If your DH is comfortable leaving home for short periods, meet them for coffee or ice cream. Meet them somewhere with witnesses. Is there any way to streamline or downsize the amount of contact? Would he discuss with an open mind? All of that drama sounds terrible for him.

Keep visits few and far between and as public as possible. If your DH won't leave the home to visit those awful SDs, is there someone available to be in your home to run interference when those nightmares are?

You should have peace and solace and help. Not drama and complete disregard. Prayers and {{{HUGS}}}.

 

BobbyDazzler's picture

Submitted by BobbyDazzler on Sat, 05/27/2023 - 7:49am

If they don't back off, tell them you're going to obtain restraining orders.  Start to log their calls and what they are 'asking' for.  They are asbusing their elderly, ill father. 

Shieldmaiden's picture

Submitted by Shieldmaiden on Sat, 05/27/2023 - 6:24pm

I'm so sorry. Those kids are terrible. You'd think they'd offer to help, or at least not torment you guys. Do they have a sensitive bone in their bodies at all?

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Thu, 06/01/2023 - 11:08am

Sending you my vibes. Im so sorry you are going through all this, at this most sensitive and exhausting time.

((hugs))

tfsimmons - I am hoping that you have the inheritance in some kind of trust and that YOU are well taken care of should something happen. That all the legal stuff is buttoned down.

Let us know how it goes for you. Peace.

SCgirl's picture

Submitted by SCgirl on Thu, 06/01/2023 - 11:27am

i'm so sorry you have to juggle the drama skids and your husband's illness - wishing you God's grace to be able to manage this.

 

JamieG's picture

Submitted by JamieG on Thu, 06/01/2023 - 1:43pm

This sounds terrible! I hope others can give you more advice. I know that when my ex FIL was very ill, my ex MIL refused all visitation from his kids as she didn't want the drama and didn't trust them. I don't know if you can curtail visits but that might be something to consider.