Husband’s Ex wife is so rude to me for no reason

I posted this on the guy's page, but I wanted to get the ladies' opinions, too. My husband's ex wife is really unkind to me. We have been married for 4 years, and she's been rude since day 1, I met her 5 years ago and the day I met her she refused to shake my hand. They had already been divorced 2 years when I met him. They have 2 kids together, and they live with us half the time. I also have a daughter. They are all teenagers. So, his ex basically pretends I don't exist. If I say hello to her, she ignores me. If I say goodbye, she ignores me. She won't even say a word or smile in my direction. I can honestly say I have never been rude and always tried to be nice and treat the kids well. I would like to be friendly. I also have an ex who has children with someone else and she and I get along great! So, My husband invited her to my stepson's high school graduation party at our house. I planned the entire party and put it all together. I was shocked when the kids told me she was coming because she has such a bad attitude when I'm around. She came into my home and didn't even acknowledge me, wouldn't speak to me, wouldn't accept my hospitality, and ignored me when I thanked her for coming. She also ignored my daughter (she's been introduced to her before) and gave her a dirty look! I told my husband I don't want to be put in that situation again. And I don't care who she is...I'm not a doormat, and I won't allow someone to come into my home and disrespect me. He is always going out of his way to be nice to her for the kids' sake, but he goes overboard. Always wanting us to sit by her for the kids' school events. And he knows she shuns me! What would you do if your ex wife treated your spouse this way? I feel like, yeah, of course I'm always gonna be nice to their mom for them, but at the same time, shouldn't my husband be protecting me and my daughter from this behavior?

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I'd stop going to events she

I'd stop going to events she will be at, stop inviting her to events I plan (and if someone else invited her, I'd immediately stop planning and tell that person good luck with finishing up the plans), stop sitting with her at events if I feel like I need to be there (and then DH can choose his loyalties), and stop talking to her if she is around.

Whatever issues she has are hers to work through, and you don't have to cater to them. If what she wants is no relationship or kindness from you, then give her that. If your DH has a problem with that, remind him that he knows where the door is and you aren't stopping him from going back to her and kissing her arse. You just won't participate any longer.

I'd remind him who he sleeps

I'd remind him who he sleeps with. That said, this is his baggage to handle and PROTECT you from. I'd remind him of that too. Nice thing is when they are 18 and/or the CO is over, so are the niceties. It's good time to make the change and put the relationship between the skids and DH He will need to tell them that now that they are 18, things will be different more separate. Weddings and grandchildren need exceptions but for the most part there is no need for this shadow of a first marriage to haunt your days anymore.

I did tell him I'm done

I did tell him I'm done trying to be nice. It's been 5 years, and being nice isn't working. And I honestly feel like it is so childish to not even use decent manners around others. It's so uncalled for. By him keeping quiet I feel like it almost shows the kids that it's okay with him that their mom disrespects his wife over and over again. So his response is to pretend it's not happening? I don't think that's teaching them anything good. I've told him before that maybe I just shouldn't go to anything anymore, but he says that's letting her have too much control and giving her exactly what she wants. Then my step kids will think I don't care about them. I feel like I am in a no-win situation.

He's not protecting you from

He's not protecting you from anything. If he was, you wouldn't have to post. Research "the 180." Basically you focus on yourself and remove yourself from his drama and stop allowing yourself to be abused.

He cannot make her be "nice"

He cannot make her be "nice" to you.. or be appreciative of what you may do for her kids.

BUT.. he does not have to force you to be in close proximity.. you don't have to sit with her at events.. he doesn't have to host parties in your home..

Yeah, rule #1 with a HCBM..

Yeah, rule #1 with a HCBM...BM is not allowed in your home, ever.

BM was rude to me (and said some crazy things about me early), so I ignore her. I do not have time for that. I didn't cause her divorce and it's not my job to make her feel better about things. She also treats DH like sh$t and causes no end of drama. I did not sign up for any of that and I refuse to put up with it.

BM is behaving like a

BM is behaving like a petulant child. She is rude and either ill-bred or has some kind of mental issue. However, she is not required to have a relationship with you and she's not worth your time and effort in trying to have one. The bigger issue to me is your husband. He has allowed his ex to disrespect you for FIVE YEARS and isn't showing any inclination to protect you or avoid putting you in situations where you'll be subjected to BM. Unlike BM, with whom you essentially have no relationship, your husband owes you that protection. He is the failure here.