Pregnant & Anxious Step-Mom
Do you ever feel anxious even though nothing is happening? Do you ever feel like you’re close to landing on something but no matter how hard you try, the pieces don’t seem to fit together – don’t seem to resolve into a clear picture, and you’re left spinning?
I feel like this most of the time. I oscillate between three general emotions. 1) Extremely imbittered/irritated, 2) playful 3) anxious. I worry about what is going to happen this weekend, all week long. Why? Unfortunately, I have a hard time accepting my step-daughter. And I tend to hate myself for it or beat myself up about every little “negative” emotion. I find it difficult to stop this thought process.
Generally I spend a hunk of my time, especially on the weekend (mainly Friday) feeling anxious and resentful that this is happening again. I think, It’s not fair. I try so very hard during the week to prepare. I think, over and over, of ways to approach the situation and be kinder, act more relaxed, and learn to go with the flow of things – but somehow this doesn’t happen.
What is this feeling of impending doom? I say, it makes no sense. I don’t hate my step-daughter, I’ve helped raise her for the past 3 years and she’s only 5 and 1/2! What is making me feel this way?
Do I resent her mother? Do I feel left out? Do I feel out of control of the situation? Do I feel like I don’t get a say in how to raise/discipline her? Am I afraid of saying the wrong thing to her, am I afraid of her not liking me? Do I feel like I’m under pressure? Do I feel out of sorts? …YES. All of these things. But that isn’t the point. What I want to know is how to overcome these feelings of inadequacy. Perhaps the answer to how depends on the answer to why.
Why do I not feel good enough?
Why can’t I just “fix” this problem.
I need help... It’s becoming even more difficult now, since I’m pregnant with a daughter of my own.
I want nothing more than to be relaxed and supportive, nice and generally easy going. But then, I only have step-daughter on the weekends (my days off.) DH only has Sunday off. Basically it’s stop and go, there’s no time to solidify the rules, there isn’t even much time to bond. It’s just an line of questioning an attention seeking behavior the moment she gets in the door. How do I deal with this?