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Smudge's picture


My fiancée and I have been together for 4 years, both bringing in a daughter from previous marriages. My SD's bio mom is a meth addict and got all three of her kids taken away and so we decided to move 2,000 miles away to start fresh. 
Bio mom sold my SD for $200 at one point, let's her down on a regular basis and drops off the face of the earth for sometimes 8-9 months at a time...

SD and I have an amazing bond, she tells all of her friends I am her mom, we do mother-daughter things all of the time and always have a great time together. While we were in the process of moving, Bio mom kicked up her heels and SD ended up telling her the reason she wanted to move, was because she wanted to get away from her bio moms embarrassing choices and that she trusts me and wants to be with me  

Recently, Bio has started calling and texting my SD (age 10) once or twice a week or here and there. She asked to have SD for thanksgiving break, so we flew her back, as there is a custody agreement, which doesn't give us a choice in sending her or not. Anyway, she has been there for the last week and is coming home next week. I send her an "I love and miss you" text once a day, which she responded to the first day or so... now she ignores me. Then, last night, my fiancée receives a call from psycho, or Bio mom, who tells him I am I am overstepping and that my messages are inappropriate , that SD has nothing but horrible things to say about me, that I ignore her and treat her different than I treat my daughter... things that instantly made my heart break into a million pieces. SD is always such a happy, positive kid, but when her mom is in her life, she gets this nasty attitude, has no care about anything and is incredibly disrespectful.
SD has also been ignoring all of my fiancées calls and texts and when he asked her, she first said, "I'm busy" then it was, "I never got them", which was a blatant lie.

I am so scared of her coming home next week... I feel like this is the beginning of her becoming the evil stepdaughter. My fiancée is amazing and he is furious with how she is behaving and is also extremely concerned with her horrible attitude problem. 



Curious Georgetta's picture

10 year old child. She probably very much wants to love and be loved by her mother. Rather than being angry with his daughter, your partner should understand her conflicted feelings and should be trying to get her help to understand and articulate these feelings.


tog redux's picture

Yes, this a risk of caring about your stepkids. They will always (all of us do) chase the love of their bio parents, regardless of how dysfunctional that parent is - in fact, the more dysfunctional, the harder they chase.  Guard your heart, this will likely get worse before it gets better, as the SD becomes a teen.

BUT, this sounds like BM is trying to turn her against you two as well, which DH needs to address if he has full custody.

ETA: and as the others said, why can't DH get her on supervised visits?

Smudge's picture

I must not have submitted my response...

BM was high on meth and she needed money, so she threatened to take SD and run away unless we bought her for $200... it's sick. 

The judge refuses to change custody and we have gone to court many times over the issue. SD goes back for the summer as well and saw her mom smoking meth. We called CPS and they dropped the case because they couldn't trust a 10-year-old to tell the truth.