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Court and DNA test update!!!

ShadowAthena's picture
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So my husband told BM on Monday that he's buying a private test next week. And she's now flipped out and is trying to delay the process. She wants to take the longest route possible to get it done, it'll be after court if she has her way. 

My husband wants it done before court incase SD isn't his. Because sadly that's possible. 

Court is going ahead in September. My husband is nearly ready, but nervous as hell. He has to go alone, at least he'll get to see his daughter that day. 

 

More updates to follow!

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Why, oh why did he tell her BEFORE he did the test? What a dumb thing to do. He should have done the test, then used the results as leverage.

advice.only2's picture

Right!

shamds's picture

Its like my husband knowing skids and bio mum were trying to disinherit us and bully hubby into offloading assets he bought after divorce was final (his property), then me and hubby bought a property in my country of birth (put in my name) as we have 2 young kids together that if hubby were no longer around, I wouldn’t be subjected to unnecessary court where exwife claimed hubby promised blah blah blah and make fake wills and they try to steal money

the month before settlement, hubby decided to tell eldest sd who no doubt called bio mum right away that a decent chunk is going to daddys whore of a wife that he’s been married to for 5 yrs and has 2 young kids with...

luckily nothing happened thank god!!

Maxwell09's picture

I told my DH if he was going to drag me though his crazy baby momma drama right from the beginning he better get a DNA test done. He did. Paid for it and sent it off to a lab. The courts accepted the results. But I will say that if his name is on the birth certificate he has claimed the fatherhood of the child whether he is biologically the father or not. Can't tell you how many times I've seen ex husbands get stuck paying child support for another man's child because the wife had an affair but either didn't tell or know who the real father was until the kid had already gone years thinking the husband was their dad. 

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Paternity fraus is a low and comtemptible thing that can harm both the dad and the child.

I would LOVE to see men suing these women in civil court for emotional distress and whatever else can be flung at them. If precedent could be established, that would open the floodgates for men who've been victimized. It's hard to believe this sort of thing is still happening in the twenty-first century, but until we criminalize this behavior, things won't change. And there would be no shortage of SMs organizing to support legislation for it.

Chelseybychelsey's picture

Dh didn't have to tell her about the test.

Are you hoping he's not the father!

Harry's picture

There something not right with your DH.  Normal people would not tell the ex before the test.  Could tell after because  SD will tell her BM about it.   He making it hard on himself, trying to torpedo the whold thing 

Rags's picture

TMI DH, TMI.  What is it about people who have suffered a failed family attempt that motivates them to think that they should engage with the X and share everything with them?

Particularly just before battling it out in court? My DW would periodically make the determination that the toxic blended family opposition had learned their lesson and could be dealt with reasonably.  She was always disappointed and did finally learn that there was only one thing they understood and that was firmly defined and applied limits with incredibly unpleasant consequences.

I think your DH will find that his sharing his plan for a paternity test with his X will make accomplishing his goals in the upcoming court event more difficult than if he had kept his lips zipped.

Thumper's picture

Why oh why did he tell her about dna test.

Side note, I wish every single child support order required a dna first. It should have been a requirement years ago when dna testing became easy.

AND if ncp wants to, at any time post divorce,  married to bm or not, GET IT DONE--the courts should honor it.

I know someone who's child they have paid support for, looks like bm's new husbands niece AND new husband AND new husbands dad. Follow that?

 What a heck of a thing. BMs new husband has been in the picture for decades too.

So many men are bamboozled.

 

Rags's picture

My BIL2 found out recently that his DW has been cheating on him for years. "Their" daughter is almost 3.  He ordered a home paternity test with the intent of breaking any relationship with his STB X and her child if the baby is not his.  His wife cried, begged, etc... and now they are going to try to make it work.  He never mailed the test in.

Idiot!

ShadowAthena's picture

So many replies. Okay I'll try address the main issue. 

SD is 180 miles away with her mum and we can't just do a test cos she's not coming here until after court next month, so either way we'd have to tell BM so she can get SD to do the test. 

Court happens early September and we'd want to know before court if SD is DHs or not. 

We've tried getting a DNA test 3 times but we couldn't afford it, so I'm buying the test in 2 days cos we can afford it then. I knew from day one that DH had doubts, but he loves his little girl and it'll break him if she's not his. The daughter we have together is still quite young and would be able to forget SD if she's not my husbands child. Our son won't be born for another 3 months maybe so I don't have to worry about him. 

I know this'll break DHs heart so I told him that if SD isn't his, I'll handle paperwork to correct BC and because I'm his representative for Child maintenance I can also deal with them and get him off child support and potentially get his money back. 

 

Chelseybychelsey's picture

Your dh should feed bm with some story to get there to see SD and get the test done.

 

ShadowAthena's picture

Court have said no contact until the hearing. DH gets to see SD that day for a few hours. But the test needs doing first. 

It's only cos he hasn't had a safeguarding yet. Once that's done he's good.

Chelseybychelsey's picture

I'm confused then. You have the test but can't see sd until after the hearing. How will dh get the test done?

ShadowAthena's picture

The test we're getting allows us to send kits to 2 different addresses. A lot of the peace of mind tests do that now cos it's the alleged father that needs them but usually the child lives with the mother. Only costs an extra £10

Rags's picture

I recommend that you get your solicitor to get to a Judge for a CO for BM to make the test happen.  That way if she fails to have the test completed before court the Judge can apply some consequence to BM fo her failure to get it done.

ShadowAthena's picture

We dont have a solicitor atm. Can't afford it after the virus, we got hit pretty hard financially. We're just getting back on track but we wont be stable until October/November time.