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Need Help! SD wants to stay!

ShadowAthena's picture
Forums: 

We have a court order that says we can have SD on her every half term. But SD6 doesn't want to go home, she wants to live with us! We don't know how to approach BM about this as she would just blame us for this. 

Also, side note, SD has thrush and has had it for at least 2 months and BM took her to drs once about it. Turns out her knickers were too tight so we got a size up and shes had no problems. Ive had to teach SD how to wipe her girly bits properly, how to wash in the shower, how to wash her hair. All sorts. Even brushing her hair as she barely did it. 

Shes due to go home in a couple days but she wants to stay and we don't know what to do. 

BM ignored our concerns about the thrush saying it was our fault. But SD had it when she visited the last time cos BM sent her with cream. And that was it!

Help and advice needed. I personally don't want her going back to BM cos she clearly doesn't care about her health. 2 months of suffering with thrush and thats actually the last straw for me. 

I need some input and advice! 

Thank you!

tog redux's picture

6-year-olds don't get to decide where they live, so your DH will need to send her back.  If he wants full custody, he'll have to file in court to get it.  The thrush won't be enough for CPS. 

In other words, how would DH feel if SD said she wanted to stay with BM, and BM refused to send her to you?  Kids can have trouble transitioning between homes, and everything they say shouldn't be taken at face value.  Follow the CO and file to have it changed if that is warranted.

Rumplestiltskin's picture

When i was 6 i said i wanted to marry my cat. You can't take what a 6-year-old says as law. Send her back to BM as scheduled or you are in violation of the CO.

If, however, you and DH feel that BM is unfit and you think SD is in danger with her, your DH needs to file for full custody through legal channels. Think long and hard before you push for this! 

Rags's picture

Just sit the 6yo down, show her the CO, explain that if she stays with you it is against the law and that she has to go back to her mom as the CO stipulates.

And... no minor child gets to pick where they live or who they live with.  They do what they are told.

Period.

End of discussion.