UPDATE!!! SILENCE!!
GG was home early from work (as per usual lately; due to the WONDERFUL economy) and was into the cheap wine again. Seemed as though he was brooding over something to begin with.
I handed him his "love note" from VD (SD12). The ONLY words he muttered were:
"What's THIS?!" (looking at the postage due mini interoffice envelope from the Post Office)
He opened, it, read it, ran out to his work truck and put all the lovely correspondence in there; he also got a letter for VD's annual "review" and a rescheduling of it for her special learning disability classes which she is failing.
He had dinner warming when I came in but refused dinner after reading the "love note."
So, his actions prove that after all, his children are none of my business AND at the same time the whole thing is my fault :sick:
Silence from then on. Gauging from his actions after that, the whole thing was being blamed on me that his little rosey-cheeked, curly golden locks daughter was now turning into a budding whore. I asked several times what was wrong and he replied several times "nothing."
He slept on the sofa. Just for fun I made him come to bed. And later that evening he was back on the sofa again. Just for fun I offered him a hot tub. Nope.
I saw that he dutifully deposited the postage due in the mini envelope and put it in the mailbox for the postal carrier to collect.
This morning, no "luv yas" just "see ya"
And I have to laugh at the fact that this guy was talking MARRIAGE to me. Doesn't seem like he moved on, won't take my advice, won't treat me as a partner, doesn't really view us as a couple, won't share information with me about his "previous life."
The irony is that had he heeded my advice eight years ago and put a stop to the Behemoth "I'm the only parent here" mentality or at least let her know that he was not going to agree to that, a lot of this stuff could have been prevented.
Maybe this is the last straw that will push him into confronting the Behemoth on her slack ass job of raising children. . . NAHHHHH!!! Who am I FOOLING??!!
More like he has decided that he's going to "child chase" after that heart wrenching line about "we're working on our house and it maid (sic) me think of you."
Way too much drama for me and for that matter, Awesomeson, who will no doubt bear some of the brunt of this.
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That supposedly will occur
That supposedly will occur for the oldest, Brainiac (SS14) this monday.
Does he have visitation with
Does he have visitation with these kids in the home you share? If he does, I would definitely make the children "my business." DH and I had that talk before we got married. If SD is going to be here and I'm going to be caring for her, what is going on with her is my business.
Here's the "cheat sheet" 1.
Here's the "cheat sheet"
1. After BM kicked GG out of the marital home she dragged her feet for 18 mos without any signs of getting a divorce.
2. At this time, GG was paying ALL of his salary to the BM b/c he felt "guilty"
3. The BM at first denied visitation at my home. Then she discovered internet dating and then "allowed" GG to pick them up (45 min one way) EVERY weekend.
4. GG spoiled them to death to counteract the BM's PAS. I went along with it but knew it wasn't right.
5. GG refused to get a lawyer and wanted to "wait on the BM" to file for divorce which NEVER would have happened had I not forced her hand (had GG file first)
6. GG filing first pro bono, launched the BM into a PAS tirade and she literally took him for everything he had now and into the future.
7. I advised GG to get an attorney and he screamed at me "I don't care if I bring home six bucks a week; as long as i get to see my children!"
8. Needless to say, said children, at the time, 7, 5 and almost 2 became extremely disrespectful to him and me in a NY minute having the BM, the BM's family and part of GG's family trash him and me repeatedly in front of the children.
9. I insisted on a set schedule but GG wouldn't hear of it. He allowed the BM to tinker with the schedule at will.
10. About 3 1/2 years in, GG realized that playing disney dad wasn't working so he decided to institute some chores and some anemic rules; (which he'd go back on repeatedly during the process)
11. The children would have none of this and went back home where they were expected to give a full report via BM's leading questions ("did anything baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad happen at GG's house?") The BM (who is a CPS worker) decided to file an abuse report and get it run up the flagpole using her influence all though it was basically our word against the children's (no evidence) It took me six months to get it overturned; luckily for him as on his new job he wouldn't be able to fix HVAC on Community Centers etc.
12. During this time the BM also raided all the children's college funds and forged GG's signature on their last joint return, THEN didn't report the raiding of funds WHICH made GG responsible for penalties, tax, interest (which once again I had to overturn; took me almost 2 years to get it straightened out) Then I had to convince GG that the BM should pay b/c she stole the funds and didn't report it on the taxes and forged his signature (he was going to pay the tax and penalty FOR her!!!!:jawdrop: )
13. I stupidly sold my old house and bought a dump to be closer to his children (and farther away from my bios who at the time were 24 and 18) When the BM realized that her lies in her small town community wouldn't stand up b/c he no longer had to go 45 min one way for about six round trips every weekend to be at the myriad of activities that she signed all three up for without his consent, she turned up the PAS volume until the last child, after shitting all over my house at the age of almost 7 because he wasn't getting any routine attention from daddykins at 3 am on a Saturday morning in front of the laptop, PASed out.
It's been 556 days since any sign of the youngest (SS8) and about a year longer or more for the older two (SD12 SS14)
Throughout this whole process it has been made clear to me that I am no more than a financial prop up for GG and his massive CS payments (half of his net salary). That he will NEVER EVER stand up to the BM and call her on all her crappy parenting and PAS.
It is desired that I be a doormat to all involved; I have been undermined and berrated repeatedly in front of his children by him and that I have 100% responsibility and 0% authority over "THEIR CHILDREN" If I say so much as one word about his children, GG gets verbally and yes physically abusive to me.
Meanwhile, he can totally trash my properly raised adult bios who are productive members of society and don't bother us EVER for ANYTHING!!
I wondered about the note.
I wondered about the note. What 12 year old girl tells her dad she's had her first kiss. Thats strange, hope things settle down for you.
Verbal AND Physical
Verbal AND Physical abuse....no say in anything....shit on by the "man" you love....doormat...No offense hun.....BUT WHY ARE YOU STILL WITH HIM?????????
you are better than that, move out and move on with your life and find someone who will make you happy and treat you right
Have you not heard of not
Have you not heard of not poking a sleeping bear???? Why provoke him "just for fun" when you know what he's capable of?? It's like asking for more drama and abuse-you know he's mad, he's choosing to be silent and stay away but you're so accustomed to the abuse now you are trying to ruffle him into another reaction. Bascially-he's sucked you in and taken you to his level now. The way you post is like you are excited and anticipating in some weird way his reaction/abuse. Egg it on and then say "bring it" I'm ready for the reaction, awesome!
Tell me to go to hell if you want-but you have been accustomed to this treatment throughout your life per your own admission and life may seem boring w/out this kind of high intensity drama. Unless you recognize and deal w/this in therapy or something you'll just keep repeating the same sick pattern.
Auteur-see this is one of the things staying in these relationships do to us...we become like them in the sense we game/play with it also---let sleeping dogs lie...
I'm tyring to understand if you're so fed up and just making your exit plan why you continue to engage so much in his skids musings, their mail, their grades online, his reactions, it's almost like you are trying to incite more abuse with you...and here's what I warned you about quite some time ago....this is what happens when you stay too long-you get dragged into the much and start in a way NEEDING the abusive interaction and drama in your life. That is something YOU have to deal with, something that can't be traced/blamed back on your DH, his ex, the skids, nobody else.
You've hit the nail on the
You've hit the nail on the head. And for overit2, let me just get out my magic wand and transport myself to a place where i won't ruin my credit and can start my life over again.
The "just for fun" was for this audience's benefit. I'm sure he was thinking that I was just trying to be nice. Which is what he said he wanted me to be during our last heated debate.
I will continue to "play nice" this evening and offer him to come walk with me, however a snowstorm is brewing right now. I'll offer him to come walking with me after work tomorrow. I don't want a repeat episode of almost two weeks ago.
NO siding. Just tyvek. I'm
NO siding. Just tyvek. I'm now being offered home equity loans but that's not Dave Ramseyesque.
Vickmeister sent me a link to a "dealing with bipolar" website and I've been reviewing it. I'm going to try some of the communication techniques so that he won't become incensed.