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WELL ONE THING ABOUT OUR BM SHE IS CONSISTENT IF NOTHING ELSE - WE CAN ALWAYS RELY ON HER TO BE AN IMMATURE AHOLE!!! UPDATE!!!

caregiver1127.2's picture

DH is going to go and see SS by himself over Easter - when he asked SS if he was going anywhere with his mother for Easter SS said he did not know and would have to check with his mother - now this conversation took place last Friday. On Wednesday DH called SS and said did you talk to your Mom and find out if you will be home for Easter and SS said no but I will check tomorrow - this was because BM was gone for the night and SS did not want to let DH know that BM had left him alone again overnight - now SS is 17 and a good student and pretty good kid but it does bug DH that BM leaves him alone overnight. We know she was gone because DH said put your mother on the phone I want to make reservations and want to do it tonight - so SS said she is not here and won't be back for a while - DH was talking to SS at 10:30pm and DH said have her call me when she gets in tonight and SS said she won't be back until tomorrow.

So DH comes into the bedroom and tells me that he still does not know if SS is going on vacation with his mother or not but he wants to start making reservations as it is Easter and Spring Break and most people go away at this time. I told him Listen you get to see your son 3 or 4 times a year and you call up your son tomorrow and tell him that you are coming and call BM and tell her the same thing - we know SS and BM are going to Europe this summer together so I am pretty sure they are not going away for Spring Break!!! So I said to DH - you just get on that computer and book your flight, hotel and car and tomorrow you tell SS that you will be seeing him at Easter.

SS was very excited at the prospect of just his father coming to visit him without me and his step sister - I will say I am EVEN MORE EXCITED THAN HIM NOT TO HAVE TO SPEND THE TIME WITH HIM AS WELL!!! What SS does not realize is that DH is going to visit him to lay down the law about getting a job and really making him understand that if he goes to the Ivy League School that HIS MOTHER wants him to go to - (BM is all about appearances) that we will only be able to pay a small portion and SS will have huge student loans when he is done with college) BM has already told SS that she can't contribute at all because she bought him a car (which she really didn't - in the divorce she was supposed to hand over a stock worth thousands and she kept it - DH did not fight for it and she used this stock to buy SS's car so DH really bought the car but of course POS BM takes all the credit) she is also taking him to Europe in the Summer and wanted us to pay for both of them but DH said absolutely not that he is more concerned for SS's future and college fund then letting him go to Europe (yes Europe would be wonderful to go to but if BM has to pick between Europe and college you would think she would pick College to help her son get out on his own) No BM wants to go to Europe because the last time she went - was when DH paid for it and she f__ked her boyfriend over there. So since she kicked DH out she could not afford to go over (she only has to pay 1/2 of the amount because she will be a chaperone (and no it is not a school trip it is a trip that one of the teachers plans every year and anyone in the school district can go - not school sponsored and no fund raisers to help deflect the cost of the trip BM offered to go along as a "chaperone" so that she only pays 1/2 the amount) because she is so busy spending money trying to make people think she is richer than she is!!!

So last night DH gets a text from SS saying that the dates are good - which is a good thing because DH had already booked the flight, hotel and car!! This morning I pick up DH's phone and see he has a text - I open his phone and it is a text from BM with a picture - so I open the text (yeah yeah I don't want to hear from anyone that was not my place - we do things our way you do things your way - the only way I keep 1 step ahead of that witch is by checking everything - DH thinks he has a handle her but I have lived through too much and know better - I AM THE B*TCH not him)

So she has a picture of SS's bedroom and a text that said "This is SS's room-please advise if you think this is appropriate...he thinks I'm unreasonable... The picture was of SS's bedroom and it was a total mess - you can tell that this room has been a total mess for months but of course now that SS is so happy and excited to see his dad she is going to try and wreck it for the both of them - now our BM is a freaking OCD freak so I know that this is probably eating at her every day - one of my friends when I showed them said what do you do when he comes out to visit and I was like he is here for 1 - 2 weeks - 3 times a year I don't give a shit anymore because he takes it all back with him and I just don't go in the guest room when he visits!!!

So I knock on the bathroom door and say to DH - "There is a God and he loves me!!!" and DH said what is going on so I show him the text and he just shakes his head and says "Listen his messy a** room is the least of my problems - I am going there to put SS straight about getting a job and college - that is her problem not mine - I said to him you do realize that she is trying to wreck your trip again like she has for the last 7 trips - then I started to give all of the examples of how she started trouble and it was like a light bulb went off over his head and I said are you going to call her to advise her and he said "Hell no - SS is going to drive to my hotel and I don't even need to see the b**ch this year!!! So for once she has not won and DH has no plans on calling, talking, texting or even seeing her and going to only deal with SS for this trip!!

I actually sent the text to DH's email and blown up I about died that room was unbelievably messy and I really don't know how he was even able to let it get that bad - it makes me think that BM is not spending much time at all at home. I also would love to write to her and say the only thing I can advise you on is that you should have kept on top of that room years ago!! I would love to send it but DH has forbidden me to and said don't start any trouble - lol God I would love to though and be the fly on the wall when she got that text from me!!!!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ UPDATE +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Dh and I went out to lunch yesterday and were having a talk about when he goes to visit SS at Easter and what he plans on saying to him and the issues that he wants to discuss with him - being college, getting a job and that in another 14 months he will not be sending CS to BM so if SS thinks all of the things that his mother does for him is without the help of DH he will be learning a very valuable lesson next June when BM no longer receives the nice chunk of change that she does not have to pay any taxes on -

So while we were sitting there I said to DH:

ME: So did you text BM back advise her of the situation regarding SS's room

DH: What the hell did she think I was going to advise her on - if she wants his room cleaned then she needs to make him I can't do that 700 miles away and she needs to stop pulling this
crap right before I am going out to visit my son because I am telling you right now we are going to have some serious conversations and some fun and she will not be any part of it!

ME: Do you see what she is trying to do with the whole get both of you upset because SS is so excited to have you all to yourself for a few days!!

DH: Yeah I see what she is doing and I also want to tell her that by the look of that room I can tell she is never at home with him and I would like to know how many nights a week she
sleeps somewhere else.

ME: Oh I was going to say the same thing.

DH: I also have called SS quite a few times on my way home from work and I ask if if he has had dinner yet (mind you it is now 7 - 7:30pm SS's time and every single time SS says no -
my mom is not home yet - now I know a few nights might be work related but every time I call he has not had dinner most times by 8PM when we get off of the phone and she is
still not home what is up with that?

ME: Well you know whatever you suggest for SS to try in college she is going to go against it just because she hates you more than she loves you son

DH: Wow I never thought of it that way but you are right - say that again for me

ME: BM hates you more than she loves her son and no matter what you say or try to help SS she will go against you every time

DH: Well let her because I am telling SS that if he wants me to pay than I am part of the process or he gets no money from us - if she wants to play the big bad b*tch then let her -
SS told me that she told him that because she bought him a car she can't help with college and that I would be paying for most of it and I told SS do you remember the
conversation that you, SM and I had this past Summer and the amount that we gave you - well we were not kidding that is all that we can afford nothing more!! God I can't
wait to get this controlling b*tch out of my life!!

Comments

aggravated1's picture

What the hell was she trying to pull? She looks like an idiot in this. I am with Maux, I would never, ever call my kids bio dad and give him any information on the cleanliness state of a room in my home.
She probably sees all her control slipping away-when SS is 18 there will be no NEED to ever talk to your DH again, and it is making her loopy.

caregiver1127.2's picture

Exactly ladies - she better stay the hell away from DH but I am sure she will come up with some reason that SS can't drive to the hotel - even though DH picked one 7 miles from her apartment and then she will tell DH he can't drive down the street that she lives on and will have to meet SS and BM at some spot where she will show up 30 45 minutes late and be dressed to the nines to impress DH like she does every time we have to see her that one time a year!!! DH said if she pulls any shit - he is not putting up with it and is telling SS to find a way to the hotel and that he is does not even want to see her face at all until SS graduates - he is just tired of all of the BS!!!

purpledaisies's picture

CG you know she is stupid let her look like one to everyone and laugh at her b/c she is too stupid to see it! }:)

If I were your dh I'd set everything up with ss and tell him that there is no reason he can't do this on his own and let him have some freedom. I'd come form that angle by telling him that he can drive and give him freedom. i mean what tee=n doesn't want to get to drive their own car!

caregiver1127.2's picture

That's what he is doing he has not even talked to BM about this visit - it has all been through SS and that is probably what is sending her over the edge - she is not used to not being consulted until the last minute and she is also pissed that SS is so excited to see his Dad - she is just a horrible person inside and out!!!

Milomom's picture

Caregiver, I totally agree 110% with aggravated on this one.

It's all about CONTROL. CONTROL that BM will no longer have in your DH's life once your SS officially turns 18. Not that she has any semblance of control to BEGIN with...but in HER mind, it's a whole different world!!

I say GREAT JOB and KUDOS to your DH!! He's doing the right thing going directly to SS17 to make the Easter plans with him and making all the necessary arrangements without involving BM. DH deserves a little extra special lovin' tonight, no??? Wink Wink Wink

By the way, what exactly was BM's point in texting the picture of SS's messy room to your DH? How exactly will she try to use this to screw up DH's plans to see SS for Easter? Sorry, but I'm totally not seeing any logical connection here...not that BM's use any logic.

GOOD JOB TO YOUR DH, CAREGIVER!!! WHOO HOO!!! Maybe this new "anti-BM" movement is starting to become contagious or something around here with our DH's/DFH's/SO's!! Lately, my FDH has also been 1000% better in his dealings with BM - he ALWAYS puts me first, includes me in all BM-crap/communications/requests, etc...

It's such a nice change and awesome progress and it feels so GOOD!!!! Ahhh....exhale....

I must admit, that my FDH looks SO MUCH SEXIER AND HOTTER to me when he's putting BM in her place and ignoring all her drama/crap!!! It's SO much more attractive than when he's "doormat status" like he used to be with her in the beginning for the first couple of years. I started to lose so much respect for him and my attraction meter to him was at...almost ZERO back then.

caregiver1127.2's picture

Milomom - what she is trying to do is tell SS that she sent a picture of his room to his father and in the text asked DH if it was acceptable and then I know she will go back to SS and tell him that DH does not think it is acceptable and is mad at him - she will also tell SS if his room is not cleaned by Easter there will be no time with his Dad - I would have thought nothing of it but she texted my DH exactly 23 minutes after SS texted DH to tell him that he was free those dates - and I am sure he is smiling because he gets to see his Dad by himself - usually SS is not so excited to see his dad because I am with him and so is DD5 so he does not get all of daddy's attention - so I am sure that BM is pissed that SS is so happy and she has never never never in the 4 years that SS has lived with her ever called or asked DH's advice on anything - I mean never in fact she goes so far out of her way to make sure that DH feels like a shitty father and does not really let him have a say in SS's life - she has told SS that he does not have to listen to his father because he lives full time with her -

so to answer your question and yes you are normal and will see no logic in this but I have been dealing with this wench for 8 years - this is the start - first it is this text - then it will be a phone call asking for more money - then it will turn to her telling SS he can't have something because DH won't help her pay for it - believe me this bitch is unbelievable in early December she receives the CS minus her half of travel (meanwhile because she would not let him change planes or fly earlier than us and wait in the airport we ended up getting business class at $650.00 for the ticket) we charged her 1/2 of what it would have cost her to fly to our home - well she called DH screaming and yelling saying she bought SS a car and DH said I told you if he doesn't work he does not get a car and you went and did it on your own - your money (really ours from an old stock she was supposed to give him after the divorce) your problems - so DH sent her $100 back and she went out and got SS 4 - $25.00 gift certificates to his favorite restaurants that he goes to with his friends - of course that is our money again that she is using and SS just loves his mommy - of course we are not as great as mommy because we will not help with the car. Just wait she will turn this into trying to get both of them pissed at each other - she did this last August when she told SS that we were going to pay for 1/2 of the car and this was after DH told he we could not afford it - well SS thanked me for helping his mom buy him a car and I said we are not helping to pay for a car because we could not afford and he told me I should get a job and then maybe we could help (he does not know that I own my own company and do make my own money but we want BM to know nothing about our lives) and from there we had the biggest fight ever and I disengaged from him - she actually took him car shopping the day before he flew out and told him that we were paying half - so this is so typical of her -

I mean really what advice do you want - tell your son to clean his room or his keys get taken away - oh yeah you can't do that because then you have to drive him places and how can you stay out all night if you have to take him to school events - she really should never have been a mother - she only became one so that she could quit working when her and DH were married - she found out she was pregnant and went in the next day and quit her job and told DH that the stress of work would make her lose the baby - I on the other hand because she was not paying support at all for her son who was living with us full time worked up until 3 days before giving birth to DD being a geriatric nurse - so I think sometimes is life really fair? - but you know what I am very happy with DH and soon this whole CS crap and problems with BM will be gone because I told DH after June 2012 she better not even talk to us and that if he gave in I would be gone with our daughter and he knows I am serious!!!

On a happier note - yes DH is getting lucky this weekend - lol and yes he is so much more attractive when he stands up to her and stands by me!!

starfish's picture

bm doesn't have life of her own, huh??? maybe we can hook her and mil up?

what on earth will she do when skid gets a girlfriend or life partner?? }:) sorry, just feeling a little mean today!!

Milomom's picture

Caregiver, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the update!!!

Let me just say that I think your DH is an AWESOME GUY! He's the type of husband that most SM's would LOVE to have!!

When you give him advice on how BM will react to something and why, he actually LISTENS to you, understands and AGREES with you! He doesn't sit there and "defend" the "Golden Uterus"/proverbial "mother of his children"!!

Your DH deserves some EXTRA LOVIN' tonight and more if he keeps this up!! Wink Wink Wink

I can't wait for your BM to be OFF your DH's payroll!!! She's gonna be struggling and squirming and THAT WILL BE SOOOOOO AWESOME for you to experience!! I imagine you having to pay HER CS$$ after all that time that YOU had full custody of SS and she NEVER paid anything (or much), that it must be even HARDER to swallow having to pay her CS$$ again until he's 18.

Your BM is SO TYPICAL of these lazy, uneducated, loser, useless, leech BM's out there. SHE didn't buy SHIT for SS17 when he got his car - that money was from DH!!! But of course, she leaves out how she REALLY got the car $$ from the stocks that she sold that weren't even HERS!! Yep, typical. I'd make sure that SS17 knows these FACTS about how BM "paid" for his car. After all, as Rags always says, facts are just that, FACTS - they are neither good nor bad. I think your SS17 is well old enough to be told the TRUTH about that whole situation!

I swear, June 2012 (or is it this June??) cannot come quickly enough for you & your DH. I'm always thinking of you and can't wait for the FINAL day to come for you both!

((caregiver))

purpledaisies's picture

Milomom is right facts about how his mom 'paid ' for his car! PLEASE your ss NEEDS to know this fact!

caregiver1127.2's picture

Ladies you are right and one day he will know - my DH has emails, tapes, pictures and many other pieces of info about how BM cheated on him repeatedly - and all the facts about how she paid no CS and all the other BS -

When SS is out from under her thumb - she has him full time and there is no sharing because we live 700 miles away from them - so he needs to love her and be able to live with her because this is his third move and DH and I told him this is the last one he can't keep going back and forth. I think he thought this would be the really cool move and now he is alone alot - BM is out and about till all hours of the night and I do suspect after seeing that room not home much at all.

DH is having a real heart to heart with him over Easter and is going to set him straight about a lot of things but will reveal nothing about the BM until he is in college - SS sticks up for his mother and of course he will because he thinks it is all of her money paying for everything - which we all know it is DH paying for it - we also think that BM told SS that DH cheated on her because this past Summer SS made the comment something like well if my dad cheats on you too and then you leave him and I was like woah woah woah - your dad never cheated on your mother ever - and if you ever want the truth I am sure he will tell you - I know he knows that his mother cheated because right away he said to me - no I don't want the truth - this is the second time that he has hinted about his mother and I was ready to answer but he was not ready to hear the answer but my objective is that he knows that his father was very faithful to the bitter end.