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If Freaky Friday were real!!!

Elite2020's picture

If Freaky Friday were a thing I would love to switch with DH for a day. Then he would experience crazy BM from my perspective. He would get to feel like crap when Skids come over and act as if he had the plague. Or older SK being in his personal things and asking stupid personal questions. DH would get to experience the allowances made for rude and disrespectful behavior. Oh if Freaky Friday were real! Oh well!!!

tog redux's picture

Or perhaps if your husband had some empathy, he could experience what you feel NOW ...

ETA: not meaning to be harsh - but really, he should be able to hear what you say and understand your perspective right now.

tog redux's picture

I didn't mean that to be harsh, but shouldn't he be listening to what she says and trying to see it from her perspective?

ITB2012's picture

It's not harsh. It's true. Many of us are here because our DHs are empathy impaired. For reals. When I ask my DH to imagine something his first response is: but it's not that way. 

tog redux's picture

Right, I mean, how hard should it be for him to understand that she's annoyed by skids getting into her stuff? That should be a simple conversation that ends with him telling his kid to knock it off and stopping getting into SM's stuff.

Done. Sometimes I think some of these men really do lack any empathy.

Movingonisbest's picture

Tog redux, I think some of these men really do lack empathy. While, I am at it, let's also say some lack logic too. My ex knew that my situation was like me truly being a single person without kids since my adult kids are independent and don't give me problems. On the other hand his adult kids don't work enough to support themselves and live independently, regularly call and ask him for money, get attitudes if they need more than what he gives, are disrespectful, can be verbally abusive, are dishonest, are manipulative, at least one has been in trouble with the law, etc. Btw he also has more adult kids than I do. I don't know why he thought I would want to be a apart of that mess. Perhaps he lacked empathy and logic.

JRI's picture

I'm like you, raised my kids to be independent adults.  I like that and so do they.

On the other hand, DH's kids, 2 of the 3, have been more dependent on him.  OSS57 lived with us for several years during a depressive episode and we subsidized him a few years afterwards.  Thankfully, he pulled out if it and is now married and doing well.  SD58 has moved in here 3 or 4 times over the years, the last time a nightmare when she was on drugs.  She's out now but we subsidize.  None of this has ever caused DH to turn a hair.  I finally realized he gets good feelings by being the "good dad".  Even at the worst, like when SD58 was here, nothing really fazed him and he actually preferred for her to be here "safe".

I have to face the reality that he looks at parenting differently than I do.  The upside is that on the infrequent occasions when my bios need help, like when a hurricane destroyed BS's home, DH never made a peep when BS, DIL and their big dog moved  in.  They had to stay for 4 months because DIL had to undergo an operation.  I think DH actually liked it.  If the situation had been reversed and one of the SKs had moved in for 4 months, I would have been seriously depressed.  I'd be venting on Steptalk day and night!  Lol.



Movingonisbest's picture

JRI when did you realize your DH looks at parenting differently than you do? I just couldn't put up with the chaos. Emergency situations like the one you describ with your DS, DIL, and their dog is truly understandable. However, I refuse to be in a relationship with a man who has able-bodied adult kids who don't take care of themselves. 

JRI's picture

It came on me slowly that he viewed parenting as a lifelong, pleasant occupation.  That's one reason why we still live in this house with a finished bedroom, bath and refrigerator in the basement, "just in case" someone needs it.  He "says" he hopes none of them ever move back in, but in the last 6 months, he has offered it to:  1) 20yo SGD who attends college in Chicago in case she wants to visit, 2) 26yo GS26 who was living with his parents before he got an out-of-town job and moved, 3) 12yoSGD in case she wanted to stay here awhile this summer.  Just Tuesday night, he offered it to SS53 who is in a transitional situation trying to house himself and 2 big dogs.  He would love to take in at least one of the dogs.  SS53 is smart enougj to make other arrangements.  There are probably more instances I can't remember.  He just likes people around and gets involved in their problems and finds it all interesting.  In other words, he's a big time people person.

I'm an Introvert who has paid my dues with them all.  Fortunately, they all know that the downside would be listening to his opinions about whatever they are doing, his telling tbem how they should conduct their lives and plenty of boundary stomping.  He's a dear family man and  the beating heart of our family but they all know him.