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Celebrations..Spouses...SO...Skids OH My!!!!

Elite2020's picture

BM is having a surprise graduation party for older SK. She sent DH an invitation via text. Funny she never invited him to any other celebration before. I told DH if he wants to go please go, but I will not be attending. BM is unstable and I don't trust her. DH admitted to me he doesn't want to go because of Covid and he is uncomfortable around her

How do your spouses and SO's handle celebrations? Do you do something separate with the children? Or do you all attend and put you best foot forward? Or let spouses and SO's go alone? 

tog redux's picture

I would not go to any party that BM threw, nor would DH. And especially not in the middle of a pandemic.

Elite2020's picture

Perhaps she doesn't believe there is a pandemic. But I refuse to put myself at risk. 


JRI's picture

We hosted graduation parties, showers and weddings and invited BM and her DH.  I didn't see any way out of it.  I dreaded each occasion and put an incredible amount of work, sweat and tears into making sure I looked my very best.  Now that both she and her DH are dead. I look back and wonder why I was so insecure.  She should have been kissing my feet for raiding her 3 kids.

Harry's picture

Does not mean playing nice to BM.  Just throw a party by yourself for SK.  Rent a cabin somewhere safe or something 

Evil3's picture

DH and I have always held separate celebrations from BM. Some events can't be separate. For example, SD's convocation. However, the venue and crowd was so big that we never even saw BM. I say do as many separate celebrations as you can. My SKs' parents have been divorced since before SS' conscious memory, so my SKs are used to separate everything. It's fine because they get double cake and presents.

hereiam's picture

DH admitted to me he doesn't want to go because of Covid and he is uncomfortable around her

Then, he should not go. He can do something with/for his daughter on his own.

My DH will not be in the same room with BM so he would not go, Covid or no Covid. He had enough of that bitch when he was married to her.

Sandybeaches's picture

We had separate parties and events for the step-kids and events together for my son with my ex and his family.  Simple reason is BM is toxic in our situation. Always causing issues, harassing us etc. 

The only events that we ever attended together were public graduation ceremonies where we sat a football stadium apart and a step-kids wedding where again we were seated far apart.  Events such as showers as things I send gifts and don't go.  My DH doesn't go to anything for the kids.  He unfortunately had to even stop going to school events their last few years of school because of BM's toxic behavior. For stepsons graduation from college, she invtied DH only to a dinner after graduation.  He of course did not go and did not even respond.  

Stepkids are grown now but unless a situation is friendly I think it best not to go.  

1wonder woman's picture

If ya ask me you both shouldn't go.after all you two have not been invited to anything else until now. I am sure his kid would feel very uncomfortable too.Plus with COVID-19 going around I just don't think it is a good idea they less people the better. I would tell his ex thank you for the invite but we have decided to do our own separate celebration.

 My parents were divorced when I was a kid and I know how it feels to be the kid. NOT FUN! Honestly my parents had us girl's two Birthday parties and two graduation parties two of everything separately and we girl's loved it that way. The only time out parents were together for a celebration was on our wedding days. My wedding day I could feel the tension in the air honestly I always felt that tension when our parents were together and then I would become so sick to my stomach. I remember when I was 7 years old and our parents were just divorced and my mom would pick us girl's up she would come up to the front my stomach would knot up and I would get so sick to my stomach my sister was the same way. So I told my Mom how we felt and I asked her can you just stay in the car honk your horn and we girl's will just walk out to the car. Once she did what I asked her to do those sick feelings went away and I could tell my mom was much happier too. For me I liked have two parties... on my graduation day we again had two parties. I also knew my parents liked doing their own thing seperatly they also so felt very uncomfortable around each other they hated to be in the same room together.Divorce is not fun espechally when you are the kid and you are in the middle of your parents=(  

CLove's picture

"In the beginning" when Toxic Troll was somewhat civil and we hadnt gone through what we have gone through, Munchkin would have pool parties at BM apartment complex and we would show up, sit on the sidelines and drink our cocktail of choice. Provide snacks and pizza and cake.

NOW, SD is older, and we do things separately. ALWAYS. When SD Feral Forger graduated we sat on completely separate sides of the field.

COVID safety should give the perfect out. Celebrate separately.

Thisisnotus's picture

Oh hell no. We would never go to anything hosted by BM and if my DH even considered, he can pack his bags.

we do our own separate everything.

Dogmom1321's picture

My philosophy has always been "separate is best." If your DH wants to celebrate SK graduation, then do your own party. (COVID safe, of course). 

ladybug3's picture

I'm in a situation where if BM ever invited DH to anything I would only be comfortable with him going if I went too. No one (especially BM) wants that, so we do separate parties for everything and it works great.

Sandybeaches's picture

Should not be invited to or attend an event you are not invited to.  

A lot of us here go through that same scenario and there is no reason for a DH to be invited to an event and his wife is not.  It screams jealousy on BM's part.  Why else would his wife not be invited.  It really is ridiculous behavior.  There have been guests at my events that were not necessarily my favorite people but you deal with it for a day it's called maturity! 

I don't blame you at all !!  I never understand why people think it is ok to exclude someone's wife!