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My stepson’s a bully

garagaragoo's picture

My husband and I both have 11 year old sons from our previous relationships. My husband's children only comes once every two weeks. My kids and I have just moved to Australia for 4 months and I can't stand my husband's son. He is a bully and my husband admits that. Another problem is my husband isn't fair with disciplining our kids. This morning my son told me that he was locked outside the house for a while while we we're still in bed. His son said he 'forgot' that my son was left outside. Wtf, sorry for the language but I'm absolutely feeling so angry. He got away with it. He always tell my son to shut up when he's talking and often tells him that he's annoying. I just can't stand him. When my son was walking in front of him he stepped on my son's slip ons and my son fell grazing his knee. He never said sorry and even told my son it's his fault for wearing slip ons. Yesterday while at costco, his son was playing with the display of walkie talkies and knocked them off the shelf. My husband heard it and immediately assumed it was my son who did it and hit him on the head. I was furious. 

I'm currently 39 weeks pregnant and this is my vent for today. I'm afraid this would cause a big problem for me and my husband. Thanks for reading.


ndc's picture

His son bullies your son. He hit your son in the head for something he didn't even do.  Yup, this would cause a big problem for me. So big that I would take my son out of this dangerous, unfair environment.

garagaragoo's picture

i love my husband but I just don't agree of his actions sometimes. I just want him to discipline his own son so we won't have a problem. But he says boys are boys, they're like that.

momof3smof2's picture

Did you say your HUSBAND hit your son on the head? And you didn't tell him to keep his f-ing hands to himself, take your kid home, and immediately pack your stuff? 

garagaragoo's picture

Yes but I can't just do that. I love my family and we've moved countries to be together. I don't know how to make him deal with his own son. 

ndc's picture

It sounds to me like your husband is a bully, too. I hope the head hitting was an isolated incident, that he doesn't harm your son and that your son does not resent you for putting him in this situation.  Your husband may not be doing a good job parenting his son, but you are not being a good parent to your son if you allow him to be hit/bullied by your husband and his son.

Monkeysee's picture

Ok. You have a responsibility to your son first and foremost. By continuing to allow this to happen to him, you are failing him as his mother. He is being abused by your husband (hitting him on the head? Really???) and his son, and you are staying because you love your husband. 

You are free to make whatever choices you want in your life, and I understand you’ve just moved countries, which is a big deal. But NONE of that negates the experiences your son is going through. 

There are no do-overs when it comes to parenting. You get one shot at it, and if you’re allowing this to happen to him because you’re in love with someone, it will absolutely, 100% have a lasting affect on your son. Please please please rethink this arrangement. Protect your kid from this, he didn’t choose it and he doesn’t deserve it.

Disneyfan's picture

You keep saying you love your husband.  Why not love your son just a bit more than you love your husband?  

Your son shouldn't have to live in that awful house just because you are in love with an awful man.  Since you  can't put his safety and well being ahead of your love for your husband, send him to live with his father or another family member.  

Winterglow's picture

Sounds like the apple didn't fall far from the tree - your husband's a bully too ("boys are like that" is a crap excuse).

LalaSteps3's picture

I agree with most everything already shared but I'd like to recommend that you need to ask yourself what your son might say to you in 10 years about the steps that his mother took in allowing him to feel protected and safe. Sounds like you are all that your son has being out of the country. Allow him to feel as though you are putting him 1st. Every biological child needs to feel they come 1st in their parents eyes. I do not feel it's fair to call your husband a bully because I've not ever met him, but it does sound to me that you need to have a sit down with your husband and tell him how you're feeling. And maybe you need to begin by telling your step son that he needs to leave your son alone. Enough is enough. Find your voice. 

Leilene's picture

I'd banish him from the house until he can learn how to behave like a decent human being. Whenever he decides to act like a bully, put him in the car and drop him off at his mother's or grandparent's house. Be clear that you won't be tolerating that behavior at all and throw his ass out. 

Let your husband know that he's on his way to divorce number two and he's going to have to really feel the consequences of hurting your child. Better not happen again. Put your foot down, stop being such a pushover. 

Here I Am's picture

You say your husband admits his son is a bully. Great. Now what does your husband Do about it? & he isn't fair about disciplining the two boys. Ok. Again, where do rules & boundaries come into play & enforced by both parents?  I think it's only natural for a parent to defend their own child, but this sounds like a nightmare in the making. Super Nannie to the rescue please!  Can you imagine what this will be like down the line if you & hubster can't have a meeting of the minds?