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Is it all over?

Gstep's picture

This is the first time I have posted although I have been a member for a while. I live with my gf and her kids in a house I bought. I moved cities so SD12 didn’t have to move schools, I pay all the bills as well. My skids are often rude to me, blanking me when I talk to them, talking to me like I am stupid, SS19 had a year off between finishing school and going to uni, he was away for 3 months and spent time with his dad but basically refused to get a proper job. He had a job but would only have a shift once a week. If he was pushed on why he didn’t get a proper job he would go storming off in a huff, he would leave the kitchen a mess every single day and I would often end up clearing it up, he would be rude when I talked to him. He was getting a substantial about of money each month from his dad. He paid some money to my gf but I never received any rent towards the cost of the house. He once shoved his younger sister off a ledge in the garden and for me a 19 year old physically lashing out at a 12 year is a big deal. SD 12 can be really moody, constantly talking to me like I’m an idiot, going in massive huffs about nothing (which I know comes with being 12) but at the same time being super OTT with my gf ‘I love you so much, you’re the best mummy’. SD went to her dads for a week today and as soon as she was gone we got in an argument  which is pretty much the same as previous argument. Me saying the kids are rude and disrespectful and it is not up to me to support a now adult who is too lazy to get a job and her getting upset because I don’t love them and don’t just forgive their behaviour. We can’t keep doing this. She is right I don’t like them, most people don’t like people that rude to them. But I think this time it might be it. 


tog redux's picture

I don't understand these parents who allow their grown children to lay around their house doing nothing with their lives.  My SS19 is doing exactly that, but at his mother's house, because he knows damn well that wouldn't fly at our house, with either of us.

I think you have to rethink all of your choices, and why you are paying the bills for people who don't respect you. Why can't your GF get a job? Seems like she's using you.

SteppedOut's picture

"Seems like she's using you."


Move on. Surely you can find someone that respects you. Even if you can't, you ARE better off single.

DHsfamilyfromhell's picture

I would politely suggest that you can’t afford to pay the rent and all bills if that is what you are doing. Maybe you could negotiate that she pay the tv/internet bill to start with. If she says anything you could always say you have had to change the amount you pay into a pension or something. As you aren’t married I don’t see anything wrong with that. Teenagers can be rude and sulky but if they are making you that unhappy, you might want to put a mental time limit on this, - if you want her to move out of your house you can always help her look for somewhere to rent. 

Gstep's picture

I think putting a time limit on it is a good idea. She works part time and pays for the food shopping and is also doing a part time university course. When her divorce gets finalised she is meant to be buying half the house from me. I think the end of the summer is enough time. If things aren’t better by then including her making more of a financial contribution then it never will be and enough is enough. 

Curious Georgetta's picture

You moved an entire family into your home and assumed financial support for them.

Your girlfriend does not care enough for you or her children to be an appropriately contributing mother or partner.

What aspect of loving a woman suggest to you that not only should you assume her financial responsibilities but that you should love doing this?

You did not get a partner ; you got multiple dependents.

This woman does not love her children enough to provide adequately for them. She may love that which you provide, but that is a far cry from loving you.

Forget about the 19 year old son. Your girlfriend is dragging her kids around as so much baggage to be provided for by someone else.

If you are going to have to pay to play, then you should at least get to set the rules of the game.


DHsfamilyfromhell's picture

Curious georgetta- we don’t know the exact circumstances. Maybe the bio dad doesn’t pay maintenance so whereas I agree this lady should not take the Mickey I don’t think it’s nice to say this lady doesn’t love her kids enough to provide for them. Maintenance works differently in the US and other places. 

Curious Georgetta's picture

living in a place for which she is making no financial contribution.

I think that we can say with some certainty that she is in a part of the world where one is expected to pay rent or  mortgage payments, and she is doing neither.

She found a man rather than a job to provide for her children. She may indeed be working, but if so , the proceeds from her employment are not being used to provide lodging for her children.

In any case, the fact that the OP mentions that he is paying all of the expenses suggests that he too finds that to be a somewhat atypical arrangement. 

This woman may be the Madonna and Mother Theresa rolled into one,  but she is not  providing adequately for her own children.




Exjuliemccoy's picture

OP, Women know things about other women that men don't. And if you really want the dirty facts, ask a woman who's with a man with an ex and kids. Many of us SMs are involved with and financially propping up guys who are broke thanks to divorce; guys who married women who resist taking any financial responsibility for their kids, and in general we don't have much respect for women like that.

The ugly truth is, there's a subset of females who are little better than grifters. These women have zero desire to be financially independent and are always looking to snare a man who will play the hero and support them. Unfortunately, you seem to have a hook in your mouth.

If you want to find out how much your gf REALLY loves you, tell her that you expect her to pay 3/4 of all the bills since there are three of them and only one of you. Then sit back and watch her start to squirm, followed by trying to gaslight and maipulate you.

If you want things to change, stop being an easy mark and start drawing some firm boundaries.

susanm's picture

She is right.  It is embarrassing and we hate admitting it but there is a certain group of women that makes us cringe to have the same chromosomes.  Many of us have come in contact with women who are brazen enough to brag about how much they have gotten from a man and how they did it.  It is just a way of life for them and discussed the way we would talk about how we were thrilled that we got a great new job.  Like Julie said, draw boundaries and don't be a mark.