letter to the birth mother after she said my DH doesn't spend enough time with SS
How nice of you to give DH some grief yesterday about not spending enough time with your son!! You have no idea what you’re talking about. You, and you alone changed the dynamics of their relationship during the winter of 2009 because of your own selfishness. SS needs to learn that every other weekend is not party time just because he has arrived. Life continues in his absence and events will not be put on hold because he chose not to visit as often. We refuse to get into a situation where SS rules the roost and picks who he spends time with based on who is going to have more fun on what weekend. Nor can we afford to pay for his expensive idea of fun. We still have to feed him and pay for his lodging.
The reality of the situation? DH’s job requires him to be on call frequently and that means we stay close to home. If he gets called out to a job site, he has to go whether SS is visiting or not. And because DH’s overtime goes right to your family I am the one that has to work two jobs to pick up the slack so I am not home most weekends and because it’s summer I work a different shift which ends later. And that leaves DH with a teenager and a preschooler. SS sleeps all day and by the time he does get up, it’s naptime for DD. By then DH has to prepare supper and bathe a small child. Then she goes to bed and I get home after midnight. And god forbid, DH asks for help. SS feels he doesn’t have to pitch in at all with simple things like loading a dishwasher and then he bitches constantly about what’s being served for dinner. I don’t know where he got the idea he was at a resort. And when we do actually get to go somewhere, all he does is sulk and not participate. Why waste the time or the money?
Another reality is that your son’s manners are deplorable. So bad in fact that we have stopped going to restaurants as a treat and mealtime always ends with an argument. This is a constant source of tension in our house because he is allowed to eat like a caveman at your house. The chomping is just downright disgusting and until he learns how to eat properly (I don’t care what the excuses are) he will not be joining us for dinner at other people’s houses or for special occasions where it’s more than just family attending. He’s been reminded enough to learn how to eat properly and what the consequences are. He just doesn’t care. On top of that he is constantly wiping his dirty hands on his clothes or on the furniture when he eats. I don’t understand how he could be so concerned about how white his teeth are but not his manners. It doesn’t cost anything to eat properly and say please and thank you.
We’ve only had a couple of days off this summer……we went to Ottawa to visit my dad in hospital. And yes, we dropped SS off home before we went and didn’t include him. The ICU is not a place for kids and my dad’s health is not really anything he has to be concerned about.
I hope this clears up your screwed up view of things or the misinformation you may be hearing from SS. We are not planning to go away anywhere without him, DH doesn’t have any more vacation time until Christmas and we’re staying at home. DH’s hands are tied. And SS could be more accommodating to his dad’s situation.