We have been having problems for MONTHS with SD15 and SD12 texting incessantly with BM (we keep track of SD12's bill online because we pay for it). SD12 had texted back and forth with BM 150 times within one weekend and 10 phone calls. SD15's is even worse, but BM pays her bill so we can't see it. These were the past 2 weekends that we actually checked and printed out to bring to the mediator. BM has to have constant contact with the SD's when they are over because she feels that she has to have complete control of their thoughts and actions...yes, PAS at it's WORST because they act JUST LIKE HER!!!!!!!! We are SO sick of it. We have now court-ordered BM to mediation and have proven that she has violated the shared-parenting agreement in about 10 ways (the texting/calling is one of them because it infringes on DH's time with his kids.) I mean, he has EOW with them and that is IT! Seriously, that does NOT sound like "shared parenting". That is BM owns those kids and she says that DH is just lucky he gets to see them!!??? WTF?? We really need to file for a change in primary residence.

So...mediator thinks that BM is a nutcase who is obsessed with her kids because she has NO life of her own....just like everyone else does!!

Love

When BM bought SS7 a cell phone, I lost it and DH was just annoyed. I was the one who had to tell DH that he HAD to limit its use. For the first week SS would be on the phone ALL day and would come and ask us if he could go to BM's cause she wanted him to. Now the custody is every week so there is no need for BM to not wait for SS to do stuff with. SO of course we were the bad guys and had to tell him no. After that DH told BM that she would always get a no if the message was through SS. The rules at our house are that when SS comes over the phone goes in the living room and is turned off. If he wants to call BM he can but only one call for 15 minutes. I refuse to take responsibility for something I know SS will lose. He will be 10 soon, he has lost 2 cell phones and the first place BM looks is at us. If we go anywhere with SS he is not allowed to take it. Also he no longer brings it over and rarely answers it if DH calls. I do know that when he is at his moms he is ALWAYS on it either talking or texting. And he texts and calls into the cartoon network sweepstakes.

I wouldn't care who payed for the phone... if the child is in MY home and getting poor grades? Cell phone is GONE! I will still ensure 1 phone call a day to OP but that's it. OP cannot force a child to have a cell phone in MY home. Period.

Well, we're in the opposite camp. We're half tempted to buy my SS6 a cell phone, put it on our plan and let him bring it home with him so his father can talk to him more.

Parenting plan states, "Each parent may have telephone contact with the child during his normal waking hours."

Unfortunately, BM doesn't abide by that part of the parenting plan. She sees the plan as a "guideline" and she can pick and choose which to follow.

EJ gets Ched every other weekend. If he's lucky, he gets to talk to Ched once a week, and then it's only for 10 minutes at the most. The BM has started with the 'playing video games' during the time that EJ normally calls Ched. So Ched talks for about 2 minutes then says, "Oh, I gotta go, Mommy says it's my turn on the Wii."

It's so frustrating. He can't go see Ched after work, because by the time he'd get over there, Ched would be getting ready for Bed! Lord knows BM wouldn't let EJ in the house to spend with his own son.

So we've thought about buying a simple phone for Ched so he can talk to his dad whenever he wants. We just know BM would blow a couple gaskets over that idea though.
~*~Cheer up! It could be worse.
I cheered up, & it got worse!~*~

BM's side of things:

I am a bm and sm. As a bm I have a 12-year-old son. I added him to our phone plan a few months back. My son is allowed unlimited text messaging (its free) and he is allowed 100 minutes per month for emergencies. He gets free weekends (which is when kids talk the most anyhow). We will up his minutes if he can prove himself responsible with his phone. We also have the feature to add phone numbers for unlimited access.... bs can choose 3 people that he can talk to at any time for free. We added his dad and did not make him count him as one of his three. I don't have a problem with bs talking to his dad and even his sm.... BUT..... SM had a HUGE issue with my son's phone... (just like everything else).... First his grades aren't good enough.... even though he has nothing less than a B.... then she claimed to be worried that bs was going to take pictues of her and show them to us! :sick:
So.... in order for my son to keep his phone I agreed to black out the camera lense and drop a bead of silicone over the black permanate marker ensuring that my son couldn't use his camera.
Then... she accessed my son's phone while he was sleeping and attempted to set up an online account so that she could spy on him, track my own and bf's accounts and view our bill!
Now she says that bs cannot talk to me while he is in "her" home. He is not allowed to anwer my calls (which are not frequent by the way).... he is not allowed to call me, he is not allowed to text me.... this is the same 'woman' who forbids MY SON to call me mom.... so you see where her head is at.

Anyway.... Is bm at all reasonable? Can you set timeframes that she can call? I dont't think its fair if she calls and interrupts your time.... I also think its really silly if she is allowed to interrupt dinner. It sounds to me like you aren't really asking for too much....
Also.... if DH gets a bill.... I'd tell bm exactly where she can stick that bill! If she didn't consult with dh first and gain his agreement then the bill is her SOLE responsibility.

I would just set up some rules. I think that as long as bm doesn't feel as if you are trying to block her contact with ss alltogether she should be fine.... without knowing how much she is calling its hard to say and given the fact that ss always calls her back that might not make sense.... I think anything over one call a day is excessive.... bm needs to get a life outside of her child....

I get where you're comming from BettyRay.... your ss should NOT have taken pictures of you! That is a violation of privacy and had my son pulled something like that I could understand where his sm is comming from.... but neither bs nor I want pics of sm. BS takes pics of himself and his friends skateboarding.... but now because of sm's narasstic belief he can no longer do that. To tell the truth.... I don't even think that sm truly believes that we want pics of her.... I think she is just a mean person and likes to dip her nose into absolutely EVERYTHING.... she likes to place 'rules' anywhere she can and because she had no say-so over the cell phone she created an issue where there simply wasn't one....

YOU however are a different story. SS actually DID violate your trust and I too would be very upset.

Also, bm calls 3 times in a half an hour!! WTF! I'm thinking ss has got to see that this is some psycho behavior... right? I know how my 12-year-old bs is and if I were to call him like that it would simply annoy the crap out of him! I honestly think that if I were to do that bs would ask me himself to stop.

I would do what you're doing by setting boundaries and if bm cannot respect your time and your space then the phone is a no-go in your house! IMO.

We have a "home cell" that SD is allowed to use to call her friends or take when she is headed out. BUT she has to have permission to call each person, sometimes she sneaks but it is rare. And she has it on our time, it is for all of our kids since we don't have a home phone. The cell is for babysitters or visitors too. SD calls it "her" cell phone but it really isn't.

I would say as soon as he walks in the door the phone is turned off. He can have it back when he leaves. If BM bought it is should stay at her house. I mean the kids is 12 not 17.