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Summer visitation for 15 year old

newmommy05's picture

So SS15 is going back to live with BM after a long school year with us. Feel free to read my previous posts with background info. So my question now is what we should do concerning custody time next summer. Here sre the facts:

1. DH works alot and doesnt take off any time during the time to spend with SS when he is here. Nor does he really spend any time with him when he is here.

2. I do not want him moping around at home with me while I work from home

3. We live in a small town where it is hard for a teenager to find a summer job especially one that doesn't live here

I was thinking we would just offer to take him for 2 weeks next summer and we can take a family trip somewhere. Even if its just a road trip with some camping. Dh will most likely be upset because he wants SS to be around as much as possible even though he doesnt parent him and that is left to me. The other reason is because then SS can just find a job in his hometown with BM the rest of the summer. 

Does this sound possible?

newmommy05's picture

I don't know what the alternative is. He can easily get a job in his town but in ours there's just not much for a teenager to do as far as jobs. 

STaround's picture

Many jobs, especially at resorts or camps, you either start when they want or lose the job

newmommy05's picture

BM is able to "employ him" at her business anytime so its not a huge deal if he misses a couple of weeks.

RisingtheWave80's picture

Both DH and BM need to realize once a kid is a teenager things like part time jobs, friends and activities need to be taken into account. Being in one home or the other doesn't always work out for them because of those areas in which a teenager starts to have their own life outside of their parents. How far away do you live from BM? Is it possible to see him less frequently if he wanted to work and make that time count, meaning DH spends time with him? He is there to see his father not his stepmother afterall.

ITB2012's picture

Our exes are close enough the kids have a drive of under 30 minutes but...

...the skids are ending up staying more at BMs since they go to school in her district so their friends are there, and they are ending up with jobs near her house just because she was more active in helping them find them along with friends who knew of jobs. son is going to end up staying more at XHs this summer even though his school and his friends are up by us because he happened to get a job minutes from XHs house and it's easier to start and end there.

No one is rewriting any COs, we are just going to look at the calendar and make sure they are around for some of the big summer events.

That said, it has taken a long while for DH to get past the "but it's my time to have them even though I do a minimal amount with them" mindset. Frankly he went from that to "I have no idea when they are gonna be here" overnight. There was no prompting or gradual realization through heart-to-heart conversations. No idea what triggered the change.

newmommy05's picture

This would work if BM and DH were on the same page but they not. They are high conflict. BM also accuses me of mentally abusing SS because I have rules in the house.

Harry's picture

You DH does not understand you are working ?  Why doesn’t he take SS to work with him?  Your problem, is with DH.  Just don’t let DH dump his kid onto you . 

newmommy05's picture

He doesn't think SS gets in the way at home. He will also be 16 next year. I don't think its appropriate that he just gets around all summer and does nothing ay our house. I don't know. I think kids should get summer jobs by that age

newmommy05's picture

I think im just going to talk DH into that. From now on SS  lives with BM all year round and we or just DH can go for visits. We already take him christmas and spring break for a week at a time. For the summer, we will take a weeklong ish family trip and then he will go back to BM's and we will probably make 1 more long weekend out of the summer. I refused to have him for extended period anymore. It just doesn't work out. This way we will actually preserve the relationship we all have with each other.

tog redux's picture

At 16, there will be zero reason for him to come lounge around your house doing nothing all summer.  DH can take a couple weeks off, and SS can come for those weeks.  It would much healthier for him to stay at BM's so he can work and hang out with his friends. 

Rags's picture

See if you can find a volunteer camp counselor position for him while he is with you and DH this summer.  Or a volunteer opportunity at a retirement home, etc......  Heck, if you have a lawnmower have him mow lawns for veterans or the elderly for free Pay for the gas, etc....  

That keeps him busy and out of your hair while engaging him in an honorable cause.