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Help...trying to get into the Christmas Spirit

DeeB's picture

Im not new at step parenting. just new to our step children becoming adults and entering into relationships of their own. Ideally it wouldnt be much of my business but my 21 year old stepdaughter is coming for 3 weeks and did not say anything about bringing her boyfriend until after they had both both purchased their air line tickets. Grrrr...we are not fond of him but her Father and I are not on the same page here. First of all I would have liked to have been asked for my feelings on the subject. My son and his 2 children will be here also and we dont have much room. She isnt real helpful and I tend to be the one grocery shopping, cooking and cleaning. How can I set boundaries ahead of time to help prevent things from exploding once they are here. Also they sre not renting a car while here either.


fourbrats's picture

that all adults are bringing their significant others and or families to holidays, whether they are coming for the day or to stay for a couple of weeks. 

My expectation of guests is that they clean up after themselves and don't burn the house down. I do not expect them to shop, do general household cleaning, or cook unless they volunteer to do so. It doesn't sound like your son does any of those things either as you said you usually end up doing it, so I wouldn't expect it from a stepchild or other guest either. 


notasm3's picture

Give her the same amount of "room" that you would have if she came alone.  If that means that she and the BF will either share a twin or one will sleep in the floor - well so be it.

I would never assume that someone's current boyfriend or girlfriend was also coming.  A live in arrangement, engaged or married - yes.  A person they are currently dating - no.  No doesn't mean that person isn't welcome if asked - it's just that I would expect to be asked.

I do not expect guests to shop or plan meals - but if I need help in getting the groceries on the table (or just in the house) I will ask for help and for it to be given.  I had my DH's family (his 4 siblings and their spouses) here today for an early Christmas dinner.  Now they are all lovely people who are always willing to help - but when I needed something specific I just asked.

ntm's picture

When I visited my PARENTS for holidays. Family are not guests, they are part of the family and should be pitching in. 

If she’s showing no inclination to have your house be more than Daddy’s vacation spa, put it ALL on him and take your own vacation spa. 

twoviewpoints's picture

Is the SD truly a guest coming to 'visit', or is the young adult a college student coming home for semester break? 

I'd think neither she or her young adult BF would have three whole weeks off PTO to fly home to Daddy's and crash 'vacation' my home unless they were college students and/or non-working adults. 

It's one thing  to have your daughter/SD to come home for the school holidays, quite another for her to assume she can just bring her BF , no transportation and think she is going to be treated as the 'guest'. For three weeks.

OP didn't clarify, but I somehow doubt her own  adult son (no mention of wife) and two  young grandchildren are coming for three weeks. If nothing else he likely has CS to pay and must do the hi ho hi ho it's off to work I go. I won't be surprised to learn OP, herself, works fulltime, perhaps only getting  few days off for the holidays and simply doesn't have the time (or energy) to cook, clean and cater to her three week  young adult 'guest'.   

lieutenant_dad's picture

At 21, even while in college, I didn't have 3 weeks to come home for the holidays. I lived off-campus and had to work to keep a roof over my head.

I don't understand how 20+ old adults can take breaks and summers off.

pixielady's picture

Same here. I usually was able to wrangle up to a week at the most. I also worked all throughout university. I think a lot of college students nowadays don't work and their parents pay all of their expenses.