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Graduations and SPs

Anon2009's picture

I have two teen SDs. They're 17 and 19. So the topic of graduations comes up every now and then in my life.

I also know that many stepparents have strong feelings on this. Being invited and included in these sorts of things is discussed in detail here.

From what I've seen with my own graduations and that of sd19, it's just not possible for everyone to be included in everything. Many schools only give each kid so many tickets. So in some cases, SK might not be intending to slight sp, but after they've invited their mom, dad, grandparents, etc, they might not have enough tickets for sp. My sd19 didn't have enough tickets for me to go. You know what? That was ok with me. I didn't let it get to me. She and I made fun plans to celebrate on our own. We had a great time. Her dad, sister and grandparents were there.

If you and your dh want to insist on going to every function together, good for you. But just remember it might not be possible as they only give each kid a certain number of tickets.

Whew! That said, if there weren't enough tickets for SK to invite you, what would you want them/your dh to do?

Orange County Ca's picture

Step-parenting is a thankless job. I don't think any step-parent should expect to be invited.

Just expect that Daddy will intend and make it a day of pride for him not strife.

B22S22's picture

We weren't sure how it would all work out -- my SK's (twins) are graduating this year. We had no idea how many tickets each one would get. With the size of the graduating class (400+) there's pretty much not a lot of room left over after the ticket holders claim their seats.

I was floored when one of the SK's brought over 4 tickets (the per-student allotment) and handed them to his dad. I was seriously expecting none so I guess I was pleasantly surprised.

If there wouldn't have been enough to go around, I would have gladly stayed home (that, and I really do try to avoid BM at ALL costs). I was more worried as to whether DH would actually rate getting a ticket (and with BM, I figured his chances were slim to none on that one).

We, however, are NOT invited to the graduation party. Which is OK by me, but I do feel pretty badly for DH and his parents. BM has denied all requests for senior pictures -- even though DH and his parents offered to buy extras in the package. So hopefully we'll be able to get some decent graduation pics.

twopines's picture

I wouldn't care if DH went without me or whatever. Unfortunately, SD29 graduated at the local sports arena, so plenty of seating for everyone. I would have given almost anything to not go. Boring as hell.

Nj23's picture

I am going to ceremony to support DH. We will not be going to the grad party at BM's house. We'll take SD out for brunch instead.

Calypso1977's picture

i would think at the very least the SP should be invited to the parties. the ticket thing i totally get.

given my SD's brains it will be a miracle if she graduates anyway!

herewegoagain's picture

I bet if the tables were turned and an SM was graduating from college or something and only had X number of tickets, which were given to her REAL family (as the skids like to call themselves), the SKID, the parents, the ILs and everyone else would be screaming bloody murder. Honestly, I never cared to go to any of the loser's events because the one time I went to just the hospital when she was ill and loser mother didn't even have clean underwear or PJs for her and I took her some (because DH asked me to), I was treated like crap. I was not going to subject myself to that BS ever again. But my view is "what's good for the SKID, is good for the SMOM". If SKID can exclude an SMOM, the SMOM has every right to do the same and not consider them family either.