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"A woman of a certain age and mature"... Bad Rags, Bad!

Rags's picture

So tonight we were watching some TV and a commercial came on.  My incredible, beautiful, sexy, scary smart bride commented that the woman on the commercial is "cute".  I had missed it so I rewound the commercial and paused on the lady she was commenting about.  A beautiful mid-40s lady. 

I commented that she was beautiful then... I shot myself in the foot.  More like the head.  It looks like I am sleeping on the couch... for a while.

I commented that as I have gotten older my taste in women has changed and instead of the young hotties I totally gravitate to appreciating more mature women of a certain age who are classically beautiful, confident and accomplished.

I got daggers shot at me out of her eyes and she gave me the "Really!" expostulation

.  I sat there a bit stunned because in my man brain I was totally crushing on my stunning hot beautiful wife.

Nope, apparently I had just broken every rule on how to not offend your bride.  I got daggers all evening, and I'm still getting them.  She even brought up how I crush on the sexy little smile lines at the corner of her amazing huge brown eyes and how she has asked me not to mention them over and over again and I still bring them up.  They really are sexy. I am proud to have put many of the smiles on her face and made many of the laughs that put those sexy little rays of happiness at the corners of her eyes.  But... I can't bring them up... ever.

Looks like I will be asking the Google for construction plans for dog houses.

Really, she was an incredible 18yo hottie when we married and soon she will be a 44yo stuningly beautiful, statuesque woman who has my total and complete attention. But... I F-ed up.

Off to buy a bale of flowers,

Time to ask the Google and start to research great restaurants to take her to and to recenter my brain on how not to chew on my own foot.


Yep, just went into our bedroom to  re-install a blind that fell down while the measuring guy came to measure out windows for new shades and curtains today. Without the blackout blinds up she can't sleep.  After I put the blind back up I went in for a hug... not happenin. sigh. Doghouse here I come.


MommyT's picture

Women are emotional beings. She was probably feeling insecure at that moment and needed reassurances. She will get over it 

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

^ I try not to pull this s***, but there are moments I'll look at my DH when there's some attractive on the screen. I'm gauging his reaction. Doesn't happen a lot. But you know. I've always had low self-esteem, so I get major insecure at moments! I think I've said some lady on screen was cute once, DH smartly kept his mouth shut.

You fell into the trap fueled by insecurity. lol. She'll be okay! Just give her a second or two.

justmakingthebest's picture

Oh Rags! LOL

I get what you are saying though. My DH had this salt and pepper thing going when we first met, being younger to mid 30's at the time, it was a little newer to date someone who was greying. I found it very sexy. Now he is almost all salt and no pepper LOL but I love it! 


Kes's picture

Having known you for a lot of years, Rags, I have to say this doesn't sound like your wife's typical behaviour at all.  Is all well with her?  I wouldn't have thought she'd be that oversensitive.  It wouldn't bother me at all if DH said someone on TV was cute, especially if I'd expressed that thought myself also.  

ITB2012's picture

This seems out of character for your wife. But, it could be that she's recently found more bumps, gotten out of an exercise routine, had to buy bigger pants, really anything could have done it.

I really don't know how you get out of this one other than what you're doing. If you tell her you think she's sexier now than before, then you're implying she wasn't sexy before.

Rags's picture

i don't think that it was that I agreed that the lady she had commented on was cute.  I think it was my comments about finding more mature women to be attactive.   She is 43 and looks like she could be in her late 20s to early 30s but she is sensitive about not being a "young" woman any longer.  

For sure it was not typical of her. At first I thought she was giving me crap about how I worded my part of the discission but it did not take long for me to notice the tighness in her jaw.

IMHO the root cause is that I am a clueless man.

Thanks observation.  I believe you are absolutely right that this is out of character for her.  Sadly... not so out of character for me.  I lose the plot periodically and have to redeem myself.

Siemprematahari's picture

I personally don't think you did anything wrong and it could be you just caught her in a insecure moment. I have always sensed in your posts your great love, support, and admiration for her and feel she has absolutely NOTHING to worry about Biggrin

Rags's picture

She definately has nothing to worry about.  

If anyone has something to worry about it is me.  She truly is amazing.  I on the other hand am a 55yo guy with some work to do on fitness.  She gets tons of attention any time we are out and about.  Men of all ages from late teens to late middle age as well as women.   She was beautiful as an 18yo, gorgeous as a very curvy 38yo and absolutely stunning at 43 after a 100Lb weight loss over the past several years. I have lost 80 myself but need to drop another 60 to be her arm candy.

I am sure there is a lot of questioning going on in people's minds when they realize we are a couple.

It was probably just a timing thing. It sounds better today. But we will see when she gets home this evening.

Dovina's picture

Maybe you can make it up to her by washing her undergarments...oh wait that didnt work out well for you! Smile

Even the most confidant bride/grooms get moments of "jealousy" ( if you want to call it that). Not to sweat it Rags!

Rags's picture

My stomach hurts from laughing as I read your comment.  There is not a snowballs chance in hell that I will ever launder her lady garmets again... ever! However, I will fold them if she has not gotten to that stage if I notice it needs to be done.

Thanks for the laugh and the reminder to never again launder her unmentionables.


somethingwicked's picture

Rags,your once young  hottie something now a mature beautiful woman is starting her middle age journey and may very well be experiencing pre or peri menstrual symptoms of irritablilty . It goes with the territory as hormone levels rearrange,drop off and  corresponding changes to emotional and the physical manifest. 

I wanted to kill my husband just because . LOL

All you really can do is be as supportive and non judgemental in your  responses and actions. I know!

What a challenge ~Like daily  tip toeing through a minefield! And hide all the sharps..including the lawntools.

That is a HUGE swath of daily life that  you must be mindful of your comments or verbal observations and any may cause you to permanently take up residence in said doghouse.

Maybe get out of the house and out from underfoot as often as you are able.Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

How is the job search going, BTW?

Think she is a tad resentful on that front?

Just a thought.

Good Luck.




Rags's picture


She does not usually get overly sensitive when it comes to attactive women or me noticing them. For our entire marriage she has regularly commented on beautiful women, even to the point of pointing them out to me.    I think she uses this to get me involved in shopping!  "Wow, that lady is beautiful.  Do you like her (Dress, Shoes, Purse, Jewelry, Etc.........)?"

She is smarter than I am. I fall for the shopping hook nearly every time.

As for the job.... I had an interview this AM with the executive team of a company I have consulted for in the past.  They called while I was on my way home from that interview and will be making me an offer.   I of course called my bride first.  She was excited about the opportunity and about seeing me after work.  

My guess is she has been cogitating her reaction to our discussion last night and does not want me to move to the doghouse after all.

mro's picture

I was going to suggest the same thing.  I remember when I got hormone tests back that showed I was definitely in menopause - I just cried and cried!  I still can't explain exactly why, I was still working, eating healthy, working out, in great shape, but I just felt, well, OLD.  Plus it's starting a new phase in life and that can be a little scary.  Well that was 5 years ago and I got over it.  So maybe that's part of what's going on.  But don't ask ner directly or you'll really be in the doghouse!  Just listen if she decides to open up.

Rags's picture

Thanks for the thoughts and insights everyone.

She sounds much better today.  She was playful this AM as she was heading out the door for work.  

I am not cooking tonight. It is sushi time!

This house husband stuff is actually kind of fun... but..... I am getting to the end of my enjoyment of it and am ready to get back to my career.  I had an interview this AM with the executive team of a former client that I consulted for years ago.  They called while I was driving home (an hour commute) and told me they were putting together an offer.  That news sure helped with the bride I think.

I appreciate the ear and advice.

Sincere regards,

StepUltimate's picture

Rags, I am excited for your new job and hope you and your lovely wife enjoy some celebrations!

Rags's picture

Thanks again to all for the insights.

And... drum roll...................  The 19th will be the one year anniversary of my FIL's death.  DW came home this evening and needed a long hug and proceeded to answer my question of what is wrong with reminder that next week will be the one year anniversary of the loss of her dad.  And this will be the first Father's Day without her dad.  

Her office has lost three fathers and a husband since last June.  My FIL was the first to pass.  DW and one of her colleagues who lost her father have been supporting each other daily for the past couple of weeks.

So... things are making a little more sense.

I should have made the connection to her grieving her dad with next week being one year.  

Sometimes my tendency to not dive deep can bite me in the butt.

But.. I did learn something.