Standards and avarage
Should kids be held to certain standards? Growing up I was, and I am not saying I think all kids should be havard bound but all kids should do their best.
I have noticed the DH has been holding SD to low standards. She got in school detention a few weeks ago. The story BM and SD told us was of course it was not SD fault. So DH let it go, no punishment at all, I did tell him I thought that was messed up cause as of now SD has no structure or rules and gets away wtih anything. His excuse was we only have her EOW he does not want to punish her in the short time we have her. I sort of get that but I also get she needs to learn she can't act like a butthole her entire life.
Like right now she is making all C's in school, I think she needs to step it up, she is capaible of doing better. If she would go home study or do homework instead of stupid Fornite. BM thinks its fine as long as she is not failing, and DH thinks she can't do any better. BM standards on life are low, DH are high. He works his butt off, I work my butt of. BM does the bare minumum. SD even brags on how her faimly lives off the goverment and thats the way to do it. I get some people need that but its not a life plan to try for.
I am staying out of it but am I the only one who is annoyed by their DH. He does not even try to make her be better person . I mean she bullies, she lies, she is disrecspectful. I don't think its to much for a yes sir' or just general manners growing up. I am not saying she needs to be a Rory Gilmore but she can step it up alittle.
Then it bugs me that her mom celeibrates all these things that shouldn't be. Like SD got a B on a test, she thinks we shoul be over the moon about this. I am thinking an A yeah we would be like good job, but this is what she is suppose to be doing. BM and DH both celebrate the things that arent that great. I know what sounds rough but I am thinking she can do better I know she can. She is not even applying her self.
Her future is going to be goverment housing, living off child support from the random kids she has, and being her mom made over. I may be a total jerk but I am just annoyed today.
example
Let me give you some examples of a kid who doesn't have rules or consequences at one house. we have rules at ours, sd17 lives majority with us but doesn't like rules so she's going to bm's. bm has no rules or consequences. the result of that is that sd had sex with an 18 year old at bm's house when she was 14, dresses like a hooker out there, has no common sense and continually makes poor decisions as far as her future, thinks it's ok to treat other people like crap, filed a false rape claim at school against an invisible person, faked anorexia, is a master manipulator, faked a suicidal thought so she could get admitted to a hospital, refused to work with therapists and counselors, tried to manipulate therapists and counselors, has decided now she's not going to college and will go live with bm who works at a factory and lives in a trailer and who is also unmedicated bipolar. so, if your dh wants his daughters life to be like this, then having no rules/nor consequences will surely get her there faster. and there is nothing that YOU can do.
I can see this being her
SD is on that path. It drives me crazy. But i am just stepping back. me and DH have already seperated over her once not happening agian. I love this man but dang he can be stupid.
His excuse was we only have
This is a recipe for disaster. SD will know, if she doesn’t already, that daddy won’t hand out consequences for unfavorable behavior, and she will become even more of a nightmare.
Also, outside of what’s acknowledged at school (certificates, award ceremonies, honor roll), parents should not be rewarding their children for the occasional B, or A even. Good grades are an expectation, plain and simple.
SS got into a fight at school
SS got into a fight at school a few months back and said that it was an accident he was also suspended. BM had to pay for the kid to get stitches of course BM did not inform my DH of what happened and SS wouldn't tell him what happened either but DH didn't say anything to SS about the situation or punish him he used the same excuse that well SS is only here for a short time so I don't want to punish him. I told him this is why he is the way he is so don't get mad at me when I complain to you about the way he behaves. There should be consequences of these kid's actions. But, what do I know!!
My DH tried to have standards
My DH tried to have standards for his daughter but BM did not, in fact, encouraged her to be nothing in life.
To DH's disappointemnt, SD26 is living in government housing, paying bills with government handouts, and collecting child support for her two kids. She was married to the father of her kids but that was just part of the plan to do nothing and be supported by someone else. Which was dumb because he could barely support himself, especially after getting booted from the Army.
SD has watched DH work hard all of his life and pay his own way, and she sees what that has gotten him (a home, nice car, etc.) but she just does not want to work.
BM, on the other hand, works sporadically, has been married 6 times (cannot be on her own), evicted more times than I can count, and basically has nothing. The ultimate role model.
It's sad to watch.
It's lazy and wrong to not
It's lazy and wrong to not parent your child... even if you only have them for a weekend. Now, that doesn't mean you don't have contact with the child and can't talk to them during the week does it? I mean, a child doesn't necessarily need TWO punishments for the same thing... but if she is grounded for a week and the week includes dad's time... he doesn't need to go all DISNEY. He needs to back his EXes punishment up... and if his EX isn't punishing an infraction then... well he needs to be a dad and do it.. even on his short weekend.
Re the grades.. I don't think that middling grades of C.. deserve punishment.. but I can see putting some incentive out there to do something or get something if she pulls up the grades. ANND.. please.. if a C student gets a B that is GREAT. Not everyone is capable of an A all the time.. and with her I think that her parents should celebrate small victories while encouraging more. But, if you want to see a kid quit just tell them every time that their "best" wasn't good enough... and they will stop trying all together. It sounds like she has a lot of issues but positive reinforcement does also work and it gives her positive attention which isn't bad. Now, I wouldn't celebrate a D... but a B that's pretty ok.,, and a great improvement for her right?
Of course standards are
Of course standards are necessary. Our stance has always been that SS either live with teh standards in our home and family..... or he can live elsewhere. At least when he reached 18. He generally embraced the standards. Not that he had much choice in the matter.
Behaviors and facts are so much easier to quantify and asses than the plethera of excuses as to the why. So I stick with the what and really don't give a crap about the why... except in cases where there really is a why. Then I address the common denominator and hold the individual accountable for what they can control.
Of course standards are
Of course standards are necessary. Our stance has always been that SS either live with teh standards in our home and family..... or he can live elsewhere. At least when he reached 18. He generally embraced the standards. Not that he had much choice in the matter.
Behaviors and facts are so much easier to quantify and asses than the plethera of excuses as to the why. So I stick with the what and really don't give a crap about the why... except in cases where there really is a why. Then I address the common denominator and hold the individual accountable for what they can control.