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Rough COVID Family Time

Totheend12345's picture

SD15 now lives with us full time (well until her mom needs her to babysit her little sister which is now only one day a week).

 

We get SD15 on Fridays she goes home on Thursdays. So she only stays one day at BM's. Of course, we are still paying full child support. (our schools are virtual right now, SD doesn't want to go to our HICK school likes her city school so when they go back to in-person she will move back with BM).

 

I am going nuts with this. SD is talking about BM hubby being awful, with a ton of examples of how horrible he treats her. Which I have seen first hand, and BM never stands up for her. (This is why she stays with us)   But SD is a lot to handle, she is a MOOOOODY teen.  The other day I took her to get her hair cut (she has asked me for a month, I wanted to make sure she was 100% sure on what she wanted.) She gets it cut and HATES IT, it was just what she asked for but she doesn't like it now.  So that night was was horrible, she was mean to DH and mean to me. She started telling me everything BM said about us, and how DH  doesn't care about me. Taking a ton of cheap shots just to bring everyone to her level of unhappiness.  

I asked DH to take her home the next day because I was not having it, I needed a break (this has been a few months of her living with us and she needed to leave). He tells her she should go home to BM and she if she can help her fix it. Well, guess who would not let her come home. BM, her hubby said it be better if she didn't.

 

So I get over it, I understand she is feeling all these rejections from her mother, and I am the same way with my hair I don't like it the 1st day. But REALLY how do people do this full-time. She does everything possible to make DH or me mad, we were hunting and she had to go. Then she starts playing on her phone at full volume, when we get on her she starts talking and making all the noise she can. So there went hunting.

 

And she was talking about how she has ZERO friends, which is true. In a new school (she is a freshman and covid) it's hard to make friends. But she has no friends at all. Which this sounds mean I can see why, as soon as she doesn't get her way, or she is in a bad mood she is mean. Like SUPER MEAN, DH cheated on me 11 years ago (it was one kiss and we were in an awful spot, still not okay but whatever), BM told SD and SD brings it up the other night. And try to act like she wished she stayed with that girl.  LIKE REALLY.

 

I just need a rant, and I need to say I need a day alone, I want one day to chill in my own house and her not be awful.

 

To make it worse she is with me when I am home, we get along alot yes, but she takes her anger out on me and DH. I am not use to this. She is misarable, she isn't happy, she hates life right now, but I can't fix it and I didn't cause.  

 

Where we all like this as teens?

 

 

 

 

tog redux's picture

I would not pay for the privilege of having that kid in my home full-time. That your DH agrees to pay her full support during this time is crazy.

Does your DH give her consequences when she's mean like that?

Gimlet's picture

Thank you for taking every word out of my head.

DH needs to shut the CS down, especially since BM won't take her.  And he sure as heck needs to shut SD's mouth down. 

This sounds miserable, OP.  I would stop doing ANYTHING for SD until she can learn some damn manners.

Totheend12345's picture

The child support should be cut off, we can't afford court right now, after the holidays we can..

 

DH does shut her down but it doesnt stop it.

Gimlet's picture

Has he looked into putting her in counseling?  She clearly needs some help managing her anger and emotions. 

I am sorry you are living with this.  I would really want to tell BM too bad about what her husband wants.

tog redux's picture

Take SD back or agree to pay child support, that should be the message.  I can't imagine why your DH would put up with her doing this and still send her money. 

Exjuliemccoy's picture

You need to draw some hard boundaries with your H. Start with not allowing SD to be home unless your H is as well. Leave the house before he leaves for work, go stay with friends or family, whatever but become unavailable. Hell, drop her off at her mom's.

Be the unyielding force applying pressure until he applies pressure to BM.

Gimlet's picture

Yep.  If SD is planning to go back to her mom's when school is physical again, no reason she can't spend time there now.  BM and her husband are enjoying the CS + having her out of the house right now.

CLove's picture

Give her chores, give her repercussions.

It sounds like her bio parents are not parenting.

File fr a change in Child Support, or stick to the Custody order. YOU need a break from this jerk of a kid.

ndc's picture

If BM is the custodial parent, I'm not sure how she can refuse to take SD back.  Just drop her off, and tell BM if she wants to file for a change in custody and no CS, then and only then will you consider taking her back.  Of course, this would require your husband to man up and actually do something about it, so this will likely never happen.

Swim_Mom's picture

Tell her if she cannot show any gratitude for what you do for her (taking her to get her haircut, I'm sure cooking meals, etc. - you fill in the blanks) she can go back to her stupid mother's. Tell her it is not surprising she has no friends and her stepfather cannot stand her because she is a miserable little bitch no one could put up with, other than you and her father do so and she should be grateful. Tell her if she does not fix her attitude you will kick her ass out permanently and she can see how she likes living with her mother full time. That should shut her the f up. I would not put up with this. No every single teenager does not need to be like this. Granted they are somewhat insufferable at times, but taking her anger out on YOU is not acceptable and she is old enough to understand the concept of child support, custody and the fact YOU are doing HER a favor by allowing her in your house as often as she is there. 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Y'all are putting up with way too much from this brat. Also, your DH really needs to take BM back to court to modify CS if he is going to have her mostly full time. Idk how much CS is, but i would rather pay lawyers than BM. Also, how does BM know about the cheating, unless it was with BM? Either way, do not put up with the brat throwing it in your face!