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Just hurt and sad :(

kayjoy21's picture

I dont know what to do. I have told you before that my skids have lied about me lied to me about other people and then told me they didnt like me never had and never will. :? With all that I havent opened my pocket book to them dont take them to do fun stuff, just thought if you dont like me why the HELL am I going to spend MY money on your butts. Me and my DH have talked before about me not wanting to do a whole lot with them cause of the actions that they have had, he agreed which was a shock those are his little girls! :sick: We had said not a big Christmas no spring trip or summer trip no really even having fun on our weekends with them (which BM told us to do) Well now we have the girls this weekend and my family wants to go to the drive inn moves out of town I want to go so bad but there is apart of me that doesn't want to cause I they are with us. Yes it is making our lives un-fun and thats not fair but why the hell do I want to do fun stuff with them. Last night me and my DH talked about it and he has now told me that he thinks that if we can he wants to do something small for the summer I am very hurt and I feel like my DH has turned his back on me I am sad about it. I asked him if he would like me to kick him in the balls and punch him in his face and see how long it took for him to get over it and lets just move on. No real answer from him on that. What the skids did to me was so hurtful they were the one to start calling me mom I always said I am kayjoy21 your dads wife. What do I do how do i handle all this BS?!?!?!


Bojangles's picture

First off I really understand your hurt at seemingly being embraced by your Skids only to then be rejected. It's hard to learn to care only to find it's not reciprocated. What has your DH said to them with regard to their behaviour towards you? And how are they behaving at the moment? Is the issue past hurts, but they are currently being civil and reasonably pleasant?

I have to say it does sound like your husband is trying to be supportive. His acknowledgement of their bad behaviour and reining in on 'disneydad' fun with them seems to be a lot more than many of the DH's on ST achieve. To me, downscaled plans still represent an acknowledgement of your feelings, while trying to balance his understandable desire to share some good time with his children. It sounds like he wants to do this outing not because he wants to betray you or pander to bad behaviour from his children, but because he is trying to have some kind of normal family life. Ultimately I think you have to consider whether it's realistic to expect him to enforce a fun-free regime for the rest of their childhood. It's one thing to stop making a big effort to specially outlay time and money on their entertainment if they have been rude and ungrateful, and another to actually cut off your nose to spite your face and go out of your way to miss out on fun so they aren't included.

If I were you I would go to the drive in. An outing with your family is your territory, it is demonstration that you are a fun, confident person in your own right, you will be surrounded by support, and your attitude should be 'yes this is my family and these are the happy time that we have, that you should want, and feel lucky to be included in.' As to the summer activity, that all depends on how they are behaving, if they make things uncomfortable for you on a daily basis then DH should do a short trip with them without you and you could maybe do something fun with family or friends?

To me truely disengaging means trying to live your life free of the burden of expecting a real connection with SKids and trying to care less and get less riled up. In a way it's still another kind of engagement to be so invested in hostility towards them and it is probably causing you more pain than it is them.