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Why is it so hard for a man to say no when it comes to their kids?

zerostepdrama's picture

YSD is begging DH for money for a car. She hasnt even turned 16 yet.

I am really against DH giving any money to YSD for a car for numerous reasons such as:

Is she responsible?
Is she going to get a job?
How is she going to pay for insurance and maintainence of car. (I know this will fall on DH, so I am not looking forward to that)
I'd rather DH use any "extra" money to pay for stuff for the house. (We need to make some repairs and upgrades.)
DH is paying back student loans, I think he needs to focus on that.
BM isn't helping at all.
I feel that DH will be paying for something he has no control over.

So when YSD starts her texting asking DH to help her buy a car and how she only has $500 and she doesn't want to drive around in a junky car and blah blah blah blah, why doesnt Dh just say NO.

I'm pretty sure he has no plan to help YSD with a car. I am almost 100% confident that he realizes there are more important things to pay for at this time. IF he had the extra money, I think he would. But knowing right now he doesn't I dont think its any issue.

Instead of just saying NO. He says everything but NO but not YES.

I'm poor.
I dont have the money right now.
I can help you find a car for cheap.
Not now.

or just ignoring YSD's texts.

Dude, just tell her NOOOOOOOOOOOO! Isnt it so much easier to just say NO and deal with her fit NOW instead of her bugging you via text every other day? It's not even me she's texting and I'm hella annoyed.

Why is it that he is finding it so damn hard to tell her no? Oh I know, she's his precious special snowflake princess and he doesnt want to hurt her fee-fees. Instead he will just drag her along thinking, maybe just maybe he is going to help her with a car, and that is better in his mind then just flat out telling her No.

Comments

Unfreakingreal's picture

When you get the answer to this question, please send it my way. My DH is exactly the same way.

zerostepdrama's picture

I'm the type of person who for the most part just tells it like it is.

I'd rather be up front with my kid then lead him on believing there is a chance.

Once I figure it out though, you will be the first to know Smile

zerostepdrama's picture

She keeps saying "I only have $460 and I dont want to drive around in a junky car."

She's so entitled. Even though MSD and SS didnt get any money from DH for a car (OSD did, but that is a long story)she thinks she is the golden child and more deserving and that she will get money from DH.

Her having a car benefits DH- ZERO. BM needs to be giving her money for a car. She gets more then enough in CS Smile

zerostepdrama's picture

Right!

She has been nagging him for the past 6 months, as soon as she get her temps.

Tuff Noogies's picture

let me know when u figure it out!

my dh is the same way. i've (jokingly!) practiced with him "watch closely and repeat after me - 'nnnnnnnnnnooooooo'. did you see how i formed that word? ok, now your turn.... and again.... one more time..."

does she say things about this in front of you? are u and her ok w/ eachother? if yes to both, u could always answer for him, or tell her what i say to oss16- "get a job." lather, rinse, repeat.

zerostepdrama's picture

It's all via text. And her and I aren't on good terms. But I have no problem if the time is right to just say NO to her for DH Smile

Willow2010's picture

My DH does this too!! He says he CAN'T. Not just NO.
Things I have heard my DH say just because he would not tell his grown son NO...

I CAN'T go on a cruise with you and your mom because I don't have the money.

I CAN'T go to Hawaii with you and your mom because I can't take that long off work.

I CAN'T go shopping and to lunch with you and your mom because I have too much to do at home.

HOW ABOUT..."WE DIVORCED 17 YEARS AGO FOR A REASON. SO WE DO NOT HAVE TO HANG TOGETHER. AND STOP ASKING ME TO HANG OUT WITH YOUR MOTHER!"

Makes me want to spit.

Aniki's picture

OMG, Willow2010!! If your DH's grown son and the BM had the money to pay for his cruise ticket or offered to buy him lunch, he better say "I CAN'T because I want to LIVE!!"

ChiefGrownup's picture

OMG, Willow. Your dh is effectively telling his son "you aren't important enough to me to spend the money/take the time off." Which is far, far, far worse than saying no and this should be clear even to your dh.

Since he keeps getting these requests, and I can't believe your ss is an adult, your dh should be saying, 'son, it is not appropriate for divorced people to vacation together. It's hard for me to understand that at your age you don't comprehend that? Are you running a fever? Oh, and by the way, son, did you forget the existence of Willow? Really, I'm calling an ambulance, I'm worried about you."

Cover1W's picture

Because "No" does not exist in their vocabulary.
DP knows the following words: maybe, later, ok, sure, tomorrow.
No "no."
I gave up teaching him. So all his "yes" answers he has to deal with himself.

DaizyDuke's picture

Doesn't he have an older daughter? did he buy her a car? Is YSD expecting it, because DH set precedent?

YSD is kicking ass in the saving money department compared to my SD16.5 who has never saved a penny, which always surprised me given that DH told her from the get go, that he was NOT buying her a car. That she would need to get a job, and have enough money banked to pay for insurance/gas/maintenance before he would even considering giving her a penny towards a car. Yet no job, no attempt to save money and it's not like skanky 25 times evicted, no job BM is going to contribute anything so I have no clue what SD16 is thinking?

zerostepdrama's picture

YSD is the youngest of 4.

OSD- (before DH and I were together) BM and DH went in a bought OSD a car. In time car needed repairs. DH paid for them and BM was suppose to pay half. Never did. Then OSD traded the car with a friend, whose car she liked better. She never switched the plates. Friend reported plates as stolen. OSD got pulled over and car impounded. She never tried to get the car out.

SS- DH never bought him a car. He wanted to and was saving for it but then we bought our house, so he used that money for the house. Then SS wrecked one of DH's "side" cars. So then that was pretty much a done deal. SS never knew he had money saved for the car.

MSD- bought her own car. Went to the bank and got an expensive car. DH prior had offered money to her to help with a car because she had a baby. She didnt want a "junker". So she just went to the bank and got her own car. Which she got repossessed like 3 months later. Then got it back.

YSD just thinks she needs to get everything that she wants. She is the MOST entitled person I know. She thinks she deserves whatever she wants just because she breathes.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Shortsighted, much? The man has his own college debt to think about, and should be worried about his kid's higher education as well.

zerostepdrama's picture

He knows he doesnt have the money to help her with a car, due to his student loans. He is more concerned with paying those off. But he just wont tell her NO.