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First time meeting the skids

zerostepdrama's picture

What was it like?

Did it go well? Bad?

What did you guys do? Talk about?

How long were you with SO?


mommy0104's picture

It was awkward to say the least! At the time, they were 9 and 4..they just stared at me the whole time. And of course every 10 their BM was calling my DH (well, boyfriend at the time) yelling at him and making sure I wasn't getting too close to HER kids..At the end of the night, got even more awkward, gave the DH a kiss on the cheek and heard the oldest whisper to the youngest "*gasp* don't tell mom that happened"
Second time was even worse because they (both girls) were told by their BM tell me I was ugly. It's not like I could really say anything, they were only 9 and 4 and were told by their BM to say that. So i just smiled sweetly and said "everyone is entitled to their own opinion, i've heard it before I'll hear it again"

zerostepdrama's picture

SS- He lived with DH. First time I met him, DH and I went to his house to pick up something and SS (17/18? at the time)was in the house smoking pot with his friends. DH chewed him and his friends out. We had just started dating.

MSD- I came over to DH's while he was working on a car and MSD was there "helping" him. She had stayed with him that weekend. We kind of hung out in the garage and talked. Then DH took her home and I rode along wtih them to drop off MSD and that is when I met YSD too. (She didnt go to DH's that weekend) When I first walked into the garage though and DH introduced us and then he went inside and MSD said "wow you are cute. Normally my dad dates fat ugly women." LOL.

YSD- Officially met her when dropping off MSD. It was uneventful. Not even sure the next time I met her.

First time meeting MSD and YSD, DH and I were probably dating for about 2 months???

OSD- DH had a storage unit with furniture and he was letting OSD have some for her first apartment. She ended up getting evicted from that apartment and just left all the furniture behind. Didnt even call DH to pick it up. A whole apartment of stuff- GONE. But the first time I met her, she just said hi and that was it. Nothing big. DH was just unlocking the storage unit for her and I stayed in the car. The next time I saw her was at her graduation and she didnt even acknowledge me being there.

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

DH and I had been together about three months when the skids and BS all met. This was about four years ago. We met at a family restaurant that has an arcade and all kinds of other games like pool and whatnot. It went great! Everybody got along with everyone else. This is how it went until we got married and BM started her PAS. It turned into a nightmare.

Don't be deceived by how it goes initially. I may sound jaded, but it always goes downhill fast.

mommy0104's picture

i'm still waiting for things to go uphill..bahaaha Wink it started out badly for me and hasn't gotten a whole lot better. All I know is my DH is lucky i love him (or am completely stupid) lol

thinkthrice's picture

The first time I laid eyes on SD (at the time 4 yrs old) I knew she was a living terror. She was beating up (literally) her older brother--he was not returning fire because they taught him not to.

The 2nd time, SD refused to hold my hand at a roller skating rink and dropped down on her bottom--insert instant tantrum.

My first official meeting with them followed an almost 3 month non-stop 24/7 campaign of BM's PAS. During this time she was denying Chef ALL visitation at my house. Chef would have to drive 45 minutes one way several times a week and tuck them into bed under the watchful eye of the almighty gargantuan BM.

When the BM did "allow" Chef to take them five yards away from the "mother ship," all three huddled together (7, 5 and 2) clinging to Chef's leg and looking at the ground. They made no eye contact with me despite the fact I was paying for their Halloween pumpkin launch and haunted hayride.

From then on it was "on" and stepHell ensued. Chef did not hold the BM in contempt for her NUMEROUS violations of the CO. . .EVER!

B22S22's picture

DH and I had been dating each other quite a while. I met the SK's the same day my kids met DH -- we all went to DH's parents' house for swimming and BBQ.

The SK's called their mom and invited her over. She had the balls to show up, prancing around in her almost there bikini. DH and his parents asked her to leave, which she loudly protested, stating she had EVERY RIGHT to be there swimming with HER CHILDREN. I was shocked, humiliated, angry to say the least. Not sure why, but I became physically ill (although to this day nobody knows that) when she showed up and started causing a scene.

After she left, I loaded up my kids and high-tailed it home. I wouldn't answer DH's calls for three days.

blayze's picture

A month into dating, I had a party and SO brought his kids. I paid no attention to them as I was hosting the party and they were playing with the other kids. A year and a half later at Christmas, we went to a family dinner at MIL's and I was so nervous to meet them as they had dealt with a lot of fallout from BM's PAS tactics. However, they were sweet (and rambunctious!), they sat on my lap, posed for pics, played with me and hugged all over me. I didn't realize at the time that they were so starved for female attention that they act like that with every adult. I was just pleased that SD7 didn't repeat the words that she left on her dad's voice mail a year prior: "You abandoned us for your new family!" ...when at that point, SO hadn't even met my child and what six year old knows the word "abandoned"?

blayze's picture

Yep. When BM realized we were serious, she kept the kids away with an arrest and restraining order against SO for "beating her." She told him that she would drop the charges if he broke up with me. Since she was making fake FB profiles with his mug shot and using it to contact me and his family members, SO didn't think it wise to violate the restraining order by trying to communicate with her. His lawyer agreed. There was no court-ordered visitation in place since SO never had a problem seeing his kids before as BM dumped them on him twice a week and every weekend. Once the "assault" trial was over, SO filed for emergency temporary custody. It was too late. BM moved far away with the kids. When she moved back later that year, SO was finally able to set up court-ordered visitation.

During their year and a half absence, SO and I prayed together that we could save the kids from their miserable mother. Luckily, God doesn't answer every prayer. Dirol

misSTEP's picture

What was it like? Very awkward. I was very excited to meet them and had unrealistic expectations.

Did it go well? Bad? With SS, he was too young to care. He was just excited to be with his dad. SD was a different story. She cried and cried and cried until we decided to take her back to her mother. We found out later that BM went and got a new pet for them about THREE HOURS before we came to get them. She KNEW it was their first time to meet me. SD was crying about having to leave her new pet right away.

What did you guys do? Talk about? We just hung out. DH didn't have any money due to giving most of it to BM. I didn't have any extra money due to not receiving CS and being in a low paying job.

How long were you with SO? That's kind of a tricky question because when we first met, we were inseparable for like a month. Then he disappeared for about six months or so before he turned up again. We were together again for about two months after his disappearing act when I first met his kids. Turns out, he tried to "one more time" make it work with BM but couldn't get me off his mind.

Mercury's picture

DH and I had been serious for about 5 months before the skids and I ever laid eyes on each other. They were 9 and 11. The first time we met, I don't think I even registered on their radar since we did a group activity with other adults and a teenage skid of one of the adults. They sure made an impression on me though: naive and socially awkward. I didn't speak one word directly to them.

The second time, I "ran into" DH (then boyfriend) at some event he took his kids and two of their friends to. That's when the 11 year old noticed me. Like really noticed me. DH and I didn't act like we were a couple but she went home to mommy crying that daddy had a girlfriend. The nerve of him, right? That's when everything went downhill. Instead of acting like a normal person and helping the kids get used to the fact that their parents would start dating other people (he had already dated at least two other women that I know of...BM and skids never knew), BM went off the deep end about it and ended up making the kids feel even worse about the situation. She would call DH screaming and yelling about having HER kids around some woman that she didn't even know and that she was NEVER going to date because the kids were just too important to her to put them through that. Yes, we are positive she said all these things and more right in front of the kids. We were doomed to fail before we even started. I was evil.

Despite all of this, when DH moved in with me SS adapted better than DH or I expected him to and actually acted like he liked me. It has been a roller coaster ride with him though. If he ever had the nerve to imply that he liked me or had fun when he was at our house, BM made him feel bad about it and the very next visit he would go back to being withdrawn and awkward around me. She called DH one time after SS was with us and CRIED that SS said we never fight or raise our voices at each other (he was in awe of this). I laughed so hard at that one. That's right, we act civil here. Incredible, I know.

SD outright refused to have anything to do with DH for a couple of months of him moving in. BM and DH forced her to spend time with DH for a while until her very presence became unbearable in our home, and she is currently back to refusing all contact with her dad.

CBCharlotte's picture

What was it like? It was a little awkward at first, but they warmed up! We went to a botanical gardens. They kept their distance at first, but then were chatty. By the end SD14 (then 13) and I paired up and SO and SD11 (then 10) paired up and raced through a maze. We said our goodbyes and left (drove separately) then SO called and said they were stopping for ice cream and the girls wanted me to come. We ended up spending the whole day together.

Did it go well? Bad? I'd say it went well, way better than expected. We ended up spending most of the day together. The next weekend we went to the National Whitewater Center and did a ropes course. The girls were showing me what to do and it was a good team building experience. I get along great with both SDs one year later, no serious issues

What did you guys do? Talk about? We talked about school, the flowers, music, ice cream, jewelry, a little bit of everything. Thank god both girls are well raised and have a very normal BM. They can hold a conversation with anyone and are very polite.

How long were you with SO? I was with SO for 2 years before I met SDs, but SO was in the process of a divorce (not from their mom) when we started dating. We waited until the divorce was final before any introductions were made. SDs were 13 and 10, I was 26, and SO was 48.

HadEnoughx5's picture

The very first time I met the skids was at his house unexpectedly. BM had called to say she was stopping by with the skids for fathers day and I didn't leave quickly enough. So I met the skids and BM at the same time. Very awkward. After that BM told DH that he should not have the skids involved with me unless I was staying in his life. I haven't left. It's been 9 years but she on the other hand has gone through 3+ men and had a child out of wed lock.

But DH has to not expose the children but she can :?

Somuchdrama's picture

HadEnoughx5: This exact thing happened to us, BM had all these rules for DH so that her kids would be put through all the romance drama of DH. We have been happily married for 5 years and BM has been on and off with 2 men about 8 different times (that the kids have talked about as well). Way to go BM.

weekendwidow's picture

The VERY first time I met the skids they were rude and entitled. In a word...assholes.

The only thin that has changed is that now they know where I live and are assholes in my home.