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update - we did NOT get to see SS

young_step_mom's picture

So DH and I decided to bite the bullet and spend the money to go see SS11 (5 hrs away) on the off chance that he would change his mind about seeing us.  DH called BM mutliple times Friday and Saturday and SS refused to speak to him and apparently kept saying he didn't want to see or talk to DH.  While we were on the road, DH told BM that we were already on our way and would be stopping by to see SS no matter what.  He said he would not force SS to come with us, but we were going to at least go by her house to see him and talk to him.  BM tried to say that DH must have done something to SS and DH said that last time they spoke, about a week ago, SS was acting totally normal.

BM was surprised that DH had been able to speak to SS and asked when they had spoken.  DH told her that he had gotten a hold of him at GBM's place.  I guess no one had told her that SS had managed to get to the phone before someone else intercepted the call.  So BM immediately says, "I'm not putting things in his head."  DH responded that he never said that and she said,"Well I don't want you to think that."  What else are we supposed to think? Within a week SS went from being excited about seeing DH to basically telling him he never wanted to speak to him again.  Obviously we didn't have a falling out with SS in those seven days, so where would this sudden change of heart come from?

I guess BM told SS that DH wanted to stop by to say hi because SS sent DH a voice message about 5 mins after hanging up the call.  He said, "Dad, I'm going to BLANK TOWN tomorrow and I don't want to see you or talk to you."  This is a kid whose first words when we call are, "When are you coming?"  The same kid who is already making plans for his summer/winter/spring break visit two months ahead of time. 

So we stopped by his house and no one was there (usually his stepdad takes care of him on the weekends while BM works).  DH continued calling BM and finally went to look for her at work when she wouldn't answer the phone.  She told him SS had gone out with an uncle and she wasn't sure when he would be home but told DH she would call him when SS was back so he could at least try to talk to him.  BM never called.  DH called her at least every two hours, we stopped by her house again and still no one answered.  DH is absolutely heartbroken and I am so beyond pissed I can't even deal. I want to call her and absolutely rip her a new one but I'm sure that will only make things worse so for now I guess I'll just suck it up.  

Comments

paul_in_utah's picture

were I in your shoes.  BM might file stalking/harrassment charges due to this behavior, even if that wasn't what you were really doing.

justmakingthebest's picture

Going to pick up SS on their scheduled day isn't stalking. It's parenting. BM was in violation of a court order. 

ndc's picture

What does your court order say about seeing him?  Were you entitled to see him at this time?  I would be livid to have driven all that way and not see SS.

Thumper's picture

Miss:

10 years ago like you WE would have been totally baffled. "whats wrong...what did WE do to make you not want to seeeeeee dad. OMG BM, we know you would never say anything to the kid....

Now we know better.

Kids get mad at mom and dads...the will retreat for a little while. Could be10minutes, could be an hour. THEN you will see them come back into the Pack. They want and need to be with their blood. EXCEPT

Kids that reject parents (not the same as above) only reject parents when pathogenic parenting is present. "I DONT WANT TO SEE YOU DAD"..."I doht want to talk to you DAD" and do not do the same to mom should raise eyebrows.

DAD bad man, MOM all wonderful. EQUALS big problems

As far as mom saying she hasnt put anything in the kids head. yeahhh right.  IF not, and IF she valued you a little as bio dad..SHE would have told the kid to knock it off, you better be kind to your dad and his wife OR blah blah blah.

I would look into Dr. Craig Childress professional website just google him. Watch his youtube vid's also.

See if anything looks or sounds similar. Maybe not but it's worth looking at.

 

young_step_mom's picture

We definitely think BM and/or her family are putting ideas in his head. It's just baffling that he would suddenly not even want to talk to us. DH wants to talk to our lawyer to see about requesting SS see a therapist. I'm a little pissed at SS to be honest. I know he's only 11 but I just can't belive that he so blindly believed whatever BM or GBM told him. He's not 5 anymore, he knows DH and me and in just seven days he completely cut us off. It feels so hurtful, I know I'm not his mom but I do think of him as family and hoped he thought of us that way too it just feels awful. 

justmakingthebest's picture

I know this is hard. We have a BM just like that. It is awful and as easy is it is to place blame on him, do it here. The chances are BM is 100% behind this and he is scared of her. I would show up again on your next scheduled weekend and this time file a police report. Also, time to go back to court for contempt.