Is this PAS or just sh*tty parenting?
Quick recap, DH and BM have been going back and forth on CS for over a year now with no resolution in sight. DH's lawyer is an idiot and could have had this resolved a while ago but pretty much did nothing. BM pulled some numbers out of her ass for supposed back pay DH owes her and because our lawyer did NOTHING, it looks like we're going to have to pay. DH hired a new lawyer and and we're trying to see if there's a way out but as of now, I'm thinking we're f-ed.
Anyway, BM lost her job (or quit, we're not sure) about a month ago so we knew she was going to get desperate about money and start saying things to SS12 again. We live about 5 hours away so it's easier for her to alientate us. DH went to see him this weekend, but before this visit, he hadn't been able to talk to SS in about a month because anytime DH called SS was busy, out, napping, WHATEVER. We were supposed to go the weekend before but BM said SS had plans and DH agreed to come this past weekend only to have BM tell him the day before DH arrived that SS didn't want to see him. DH went anyway and went to look for him at BM and GBM's houses. He finally found him at 8:00 PM on Friday at GBM's house and BM came out and said that SS was sleeping. DH was really mad at BM and told her it wasn't OK that she was keeping SS from him and that it was ridiculous that he couldn't get a hold of SS for an entire MONTH. BM said SS was busy and bla bla, same crap as always and basically that SS didn't want to see or talk to DH and she wasnt going to force him. DH got pissed and told her that it was shocking to him that when he comes to visit SS they have a great time and then as soon as he leaves he can never get a hold of him and that SS just decides from one day to the next that he doesn't want to see DH ever again and that it seems like someone is messing with SS's head. So BM says no one is messing with SS but that she had told him everything because he is old enough and deserves to know what a deadbeat DH is and how much he owes her (which it turns out I guess DH is going to end up owing her something) and that he can pay up or not have anything to do with SS. DH replied that it wasn't OK that she bring SS into their problems and that he wasn't leaving until he saw SS. DH parked himself outside until BM and her family left GBM's house about an hour and a half later. He saw SS who said he didn't want to see him and didn't want to go anywhere with him so DH just told him he loved him and missed him and just wanted to see him and make sure he was OK. DH left, heartbroken of course, but at least glad he was able to see SS.
SS messaged DH the next morning asking him to come get him from GBM's house and spent the rest of the weekend with him. DH said SS was really happy the entire weekend and happy to see DH's parents and spend time with them, too. DH asked him about the night before and asked him if BM or anyone was saying things to him about DH. SS said they were and DH told him that his and BM's problems were their to solve and to not worry about them and to just worry about school and being a kid and if BM or anyone said anything to just let it go in one ear and out the other.
I am so frustrated. I don't know if there is anything DH should be doing differently, I am so tired of BM and her family, about SS going back and forth with us and even though I know he is a kid and he is just a pawn this hot and cold makes me so angry, and I am so tired and disappointed with the court system and the BM favoritism and I am SO angry at DH because I told him his lawyer was sh*t an f-ing YEAR AGO but he wouldn't listen and now it looks like it's going to cost us quite a bit to get out of this and it will probably be ANOTHER six months and I am just SO SO SO tired of step-life today.
Sorry about all the cursing but F*CK!