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My time appears to be worthless to everyone!

Venti's picture

I posted over weekend about SO ending our long weekend because SD12 snapped her fingers and wanted to go to his place. We figured that out and I made my boundaries clear on what behaviour I will accept when we have time scheduled together. I thought we were back on track.

But it would appear that I was wrong. He took this week off work because it’s school holidays but BM told him she also had this week off (after telling him he could have SD this week) so SD was staying with her. They compromised and he was going to have “some” days - obviously not set days because they don’t work like that! So we get to Thursday which is the ONE night we get together during the week but again, I’m blown off because SD is STILL at his place! And is staying the entire weekend so I now won’t see him until Thursday next week (this is my weekend with my kids so I can’t go to his place). That is if SD doesn’t decide to stay at his next week too since his mother will be back home to look after her! 

Then to make me even angrier, I texted DS15 to see what time to pick him up tomorrow (no school so he can’t bus home). He says he’s staying at ex’s till Saturday because “we’ll miss the following Saturday with dad when he’s away”. Umm, excuse me? I don’t mind so much that he stays an extra night at ex’s this week but when was I going to be asked to have them for his weekend the following week? That would be never! Ex just expects that I will have them exactly like he did when we were married and his trips came before my job commitments! I’m having a bad week!

Comments

Winterglow's picture

For your SO, I'd say it's time to be unavailable for a while. Tell him you have a life too and have things planned (seeing as planning things with him is a waste of time).

Tell your ex "sorry, that doesn't work for me. I'll be sticking to the CO." If he's going away then let him take his son with him or organize some other care. You weren't asked, you have other plans, stick to them. Not your problem.  Just say no.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Boundaries are your friend. You do know that, right?

You need make this pathetic guy feel the consequences of his poor decisions. Stop being so available! He knows you're a sure thing and that's why he keeps screwing you over. Take a break from him - don't answer his calls, don't see him on Thursday, give him the opportunity to miss you. Make him more afraid of pissing you off than pissing off the skid and BM.

stepmomnorth's picture

Make him more afraid of pissing you off than pissing off the skid and BM.

 

Yes this!!! I had to make it very clear to my partner I don't give a flying crap about BM aand I am more important and he better realize. I totally agree. Make him work for the time with you. Make yourself super busy with fun things that will make him jealous and be unavailable!! 

la_dulce_vida's picture

I agree with Winterglow. Let your SO THINK that you're going to remain flexible then start pulling some "Crazy Ivans" (sudden 180 - see Hunt for Red October) on him. Next Thursday, without warning, something will come up for you and you can't see him. I've learned men do not respond well to words, but they sure don't like when their shenanigans are pulled on THEM. Let him have a taste of his own medicine and stop being so available AND flexible. The key here is to embrace that you'll have to sacrifice your desire to spend time with him for a better future outcome.

 

Cover1W's picture

Because your SO doesn't get it at all. YOU do. I don't see this working out for you two; and you have the added benefit of feedback here from those who have been through it. Unless you see his change for the long term it won't be any different moving forward.

 

Harry's picture

You must decide how you are going to live it.  First, it is what it is.

 His DD and her BM are first in his life.  You are not.  You will never be number one.  You must see that.  Bring angrier has no effect on SO.  So either understand this is the way it's going to be. Or find someone else who will make you number one.  Venting, makes you feel better.  But is that what you want ?  

CLove's picture

Separate from his. Maybe he will prioritize and maybe not but either way, you need to do you.

Thumper's picture

Is there a court order that outlines visitation?

Isn't there a schedule that both parents follow. Not some fly by the seat of your pant's thing. 

I am not talking about emergency situations which may require some joggling around. 

Is it possible that SO thinks he has to be like this OR if he doesn't comply with bm, she will take him back to court? 

**remember YOU are not responsible for the care and custody of BM and your SO children**THEY are.

I am sorry about all this.