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Venti's picture

So it's Easter weekend. Both SO and I have no kids and he has all of next week off work so we were going to be together till Tuesday. I booked my dogs into the kennel. We're having a lovely weekend at my place with the possibility of going to his (although mine is way more comfortable). 

Then I get a call from the kennel because my dog is sick. No worries, they can come home. But his kid then messages to say she wants to come to his place (mainly because he's taking home two stray kittens when he goes) so he agrees and is heading home. I can't go to his place because the dogs are now home. End of long weekend. A long weekend that we desperately needed because we haven't had any time alone together. Because kid summonsed him and he never says no. She has no fixed visitation, just comes and goes as she pleases and our lives revolve around it. I'm so furious and I know it's unreasonable!


Crr18's picture

You had plans with him. I have been told children are parents responsibly not always  priority. If there was supposed to be someone else responsible for her then you should have been his priority.this was something you both had planned. You are not being unreasonable.

Rags's picture

He will eternally be his spawn's beck and call boy and as such will never be your equity life partner.

FInd a new equity life partner.

Good luck.

Venti's picture

We don't even live together and this kid dictates everything. I've just been told again "if I don't have SD I'll come". So sick of that phrase. And he thinks I'm pissed our weekend has ended early because of the dogs! So fucking clueless!

Harry's picture

Everyone comes before you.  If a week with his kids is better then a week with you. It's Time to start looking for another man.  Sorry about that but you know what your life will look like 

Winterglow's picture

Yet again, you are reduced to being a stopgap, an afterthought, only of interest until his daughter snaps her fingers. The kid's only 12. How many more years of being second best can you handle? And why would you want to? 

stepmomnorth's picture

With no fixed visitation unfortunately this won't get any better and your time together always will come last. Does he not want a schedule? Have you spoke to him about this? 

missgingersnap2021's picture

Wow! That would hurt me beyond belief. I got upset last night because I found out my cousin and his wife are going to be going to their condo in Myrtle Beach which we can easily drive to in a couple hours and visit them. Well it turns out it's a weekend he has his daughter so guess what? We can't go. It's so stupid l!! she's 17 and graduating next month and yet our life still revolves around The every other weekend schedule. And the worst part is when she is here she comes and goes and does all her own things most of the weekend so we rarely see her but I can't see my family that I haven't seen in four years

Winterglow's picture

If I were you I'd go by myself, have an absolute blast, come back late and leave him to fuss over his princess. And tell your cousin exactly why he he wasn't with you. Don't deprive yourself of your family!

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Being too available and predictable isn't always good for a relationship. GO! Go have a good time with YOUR people instead of always martyring yourself for HIS. Give your H an opportunity to miss you. You were somebody before you met him, and you're STILL somebody. Get away and spend some time with YOU.

Venti's picture

He said he knew I was angry so I told him exactly how I felt - like he'd gotten a better offer so was cancelling on me. He tried to justify it - that the dogs had come home and the kittens were annoying them so he was trying to make it easier by taking the kittens. I pointed out that he wasn't worried about the kittens/dogs last week! I explained that if he says he's going to do something with me, I expect him to follow through. He can be as spontaneous as he likes the days he's not with me. He comes to mine on Thursday's and every other weekend I go to his. The rest of the time we have together is "if SD doesn't come". I've said I need to know by 5pm or not to bother. And if I'm at his and the lack of structure with SD affects me, I'll come home. I've said I don't expect him to change how he parents once it works for them but I'm not going to be dictated to by their erratic schedule. We shall see how it goes! He knows that I'm out if he crosses my boundary. 

Crr18's picture

I hope you can stuck to this. I know that these men can sometimes be very persuasive and make you feel bad for them and the situation they have caused. Don't let him blame you for not bending to his schedule. Try not to say next time I will follow thru with what I want. It is so easy to get into that slump where you think the next time will be better he didn't mean to blow me off this time. 

TrueNorth77's picture

You aren't unreasonable. There is NO reason why a 12yr old should dictate his schedule.There is a reason for set placement!! Honestly, you are even being more reasonable than me- I would tell him either he sets a placement schedule with SD, or I would be exiting the relationship, especially if he was always bailing on me. That willy-nillly come as you please thing with SD may have worked when he was single, but it doesn't when you're in a relationship, especially when you are incapable of telling the kid no.