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I want to have a baby

Unhappy's picture

Submitted by Unhappy on Fri, 01/21/2011 - 6:04pm

So here's the story. My BF and I are planning on getting married. We have talked quite a bit about having a child together. He has two son(4) and a daughter(6). I have one BD(6). I have always wanted to have a boy. I know that it's impossible to to pick and choose, but this is also an experience that I want to share with him. My BD's father was POS and had me to the point where I never wanted another child becuase I did it all by myself. My mind has changed since I met my BF. He wants to get married first and then start trying. My only worry is that both of his kids posses a lot of characteristics of their mother, and she is crazy, rude, doesn't care about anybody but herself, lies, manipulates. I think she suffers from narcissistic personality disorder. I don't want BM anywhere near our child. But it seems like that will not be possible. Our child will be around his kids which have those traits which means that our child can be affected by BM and her craziness. This really worries me. I want to have a child with him but I don't want long arm of BM to have any affect on how the child is raised.

Can anybody offer any advise? Has anybody felt this way before?

Comments

oneoffour's picture

Submitted by oneoffour on Fri, 01/21/2011 - 8:44pm

I don't think you can inherit bad manners or behaviour. It is learned at an experts knee. Her craziness can be left at the door by her children.

Honestly, kids learn how to milk the situations they are in. They know that by trash talking Dad to Mom then they get rewarded. They will know behaving like civilised people at their father's place will reap its own rewards.

It doesn't matter how lunatic their mother is, it matters how your BF wants to allow the craziness in his home. Don't blame the kids for being like their mother when their father is quite able to stop the lunacy.

So often people blame the BM and the SKs when it is a lazy father who allows bad behaviour. It took all my might and my MIL agreeing with everything I said to make my DH see he wasn't doing his sons any favours.

So I would see how your BF reacts to their bad behaviours and let that be your compass.