You are here

I am tired and sometimes resentful

Pecanflower's picture

I hate admitting it. But I am tired. Very tired.
A quick backstory for you. My husband is disabled because of a permanent brain injury and his bipolar disorder. He also has Autism.
My step-son, who lives with us full time, also has Autism, ADHD, and Bipolar disorder.
It seems like every moment I am at home, I am fighting upstream to get my SKID to do his homework, or chores or just to stop running in the house.
The past two years have been a nightmare of behavior problems with him. He has been in special counseling programs and has been working with therapists. His dad and I are doing everything that the therapists tell us to do; but nothing seems to work.
The behavior problems and nasty behavior has just escalated lately. He has become hateful and unpleasant.

He is 11 years old. I have been his step-mother since he was 7. His bio-mother is not in the picture. She left because she couldn't handle life with an autistic child (even tho' he is extremely high functioning). Plus she is also Bi-polar. Last we heard she was homeless.

So, I try so hard to give my SKID a good life. I work and cry and try to help him grow to a good person.

But lately, I am so tired of his outbursts. Many times I just want to slap his disrespectful face. Of course, I wouldn't do it, ever. But the urge is there.

I have even started resenting my husband because I feel like he is easier on my SKID due to their similar conditions. Meanwhile, I am the one who is working and I come home to craziness.

I know it sounds horrible. And I feel bad for it. I just don't know what to do.


Pecanflower's picture

Thank you Anon2009. I am in therapy with SS and DH as a family but not alone as just me. I think I may need to be.

HadEnoughx5's picture

Is there any services to give you respite? Sometimes depending on the disabilities there are programs out there to help those who are the caregiver. Just a thought.

Hang in there Sad

Totalybogus's picture

You should not feel horrible. No parent "likes" their child all of the time and you have the added burden of mental disorders and the fact that the boy is not your biological child.

Give yourself a break. I'm sure you're a loving woman just by the fact that you took all of this on in the first place. The boy is very lucky to have you in his life.

ltman's picture

You need to give yourself a break every now and then. A real break, not just roaming the rows at Walmart for way too long. Go out with friends once in a while. Do you have a support group you can talk to?