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Getting divorced but just need to vent

Unhappy's picture

How do you ladies classify going through a cell phone, email, my purse, and my Facebook account?

This is what my STB Ex husband has been doing and I have no idea how long this has been going on for. I found out a couple of years ago that he was going through my email reading emails that I sent and I know that he has gone through my Facebook chats as well. He claims that this accounts were already up when he jumped on my PC but I know he's full of it. I tried to put a lock on my PC but the administrative rights have been locked. I can only assume he did that because I bought the laptop brand new. He has also been going through my purse to get to my phone and then going through all of my texts and if he comes across a conversation that I have had with one of my male friends he freaks out and screams at me. And these conversations consist of "did you watch the Super Bowl?" "Yes. Who were you rooting for?" "Seattle" There is nothing even remotely romantic about any of the conversations. He just did this a couple of weeks ago again after he promised he would stop when I wasn't around my purse and the time before that he screamed at me in front of the kids calling me an effing whore, an effing cheater, an effing liar, and to get the eff out of his house (this was in regards to the Super Bowl texts and happened about a month prior to him going through my phone again). This last time he texted my friend and told him to quit contacting me and then called him a f^ck and proceeded to start screaming at me (Thankfully the kids weren't there this time).

I have never dealt with anybody like this and I think that he has been doing this throughout the entirety of our five year relationship I just never knew it. It's freaking crazy. Not to mention that I moved out four months ago and he was doing things like driving by my house at night, looking in my windows at night and watching me talk on my phone and then would call me the next day and accuse me of being on the phone with another man, show up and leave gifts in my garage without my knowledge, show up and break glass all over my driveway while dropping off some Rubbermaid Bins with my stuff in it and then leave my wedding dress sitting on top of the bins.

I just don't get it. How would you ladies classify this behavior?


Unhappy's picture

It's insane. He just called my step mother last week and told her that I was suicidal and going to off my BD (10) and myself and had her freaking out. It's nuts. He's never even talked to or seen this lady ever. Who does sh!t like this. It took me four hours of talking to her to get her calmed down. He also told her that he had to kick me out of the house because I was putting him in jeopardy of loosing his kids when the real reason I left is because he sliced himself in front of me with a box cutter during an argument.

NoWireCoatHangarsEVER's picture

Pyscho. That's how I would classify it. I don't want to alarm you but You could be better in danger from him

Unhappy's picture

I already have an order that he's already violated three times within 12 days of being served. The state is pressing charges and he was arrested.

Unhappy's picture

He has been doing this for years prior to the separation and we have been separated since November.

B22S22's picture

Ditto what Lady said. And if he's entering your house/garage, I'd describe it as illegal entry, which would prompt a call to the police if I were you.

Don't "be nice" and poo-poo it. He won't stop even after the divorce is final. He's effin nuts.

CBCharlotte's picture

He is cheating/was cheating and is trying to justify it by trying to find evidence you are. I had this happen with an ex and have seen it happen with tons of my friend. It is like they are projecting their guilt onto you

fakemommy's picture

Exactly this. Add to it that he is mentally and verbally abusing you. Why are you in contact with him at all?

Unhappy's picture

I'm not anymore. We were trying to work on things. He promised things would be different this time. They he wouldn't go through my phone anymore. I know. I'm stupid for believing him. He told me he was going to change. That I could have my name on the joint account as a primary so that way he couldn't threaten to kick me off it (we have had separate accounts for almost a year now because of this) and that he would add my name to the deed for the house and that I could have my name on the bills. He essentially controlled everything when we lived together and he promised he was going to change that and that it was never done intentionally.

NoWireCoatHangarsEVER's picture

I worked as a 911 operator and a police dispatcher for a long long long time. I don't do it anymore but I have talked to countless domestic violence victims and women who were later killed by their husbands and boyfriends. I heard their stories and they all listed behaviors that you just described. I am not saying he is going to kill you but you are going to need to protect yourself and your children and be very very aware of your surroundings and be very smart about this

AllySkoo's picture

Bat shit crazy, is what I'd call it. I'm sorry you're dealing with it. Stay the hell away from him at all costs, NEVER be alone with him, and cut all ties asap. Call the police if you have to, that really is what they're there for. Stay safe.

Unhappy's picture

I have cut all ties. He is not allowed within 500 feet of me or to contact me in any way. I have hired an attorney to handle the divorce and plan on leaving the state when my BD gets out of school in June.

AllySkoo's picture

Good plan. Just don't TELL him you're leaving, he might ramp up the crazy or even hurt you if he knows you'll be out of reach soon.

hereiam's picture

Agree with all, this is scary behavior. You need to do whatever necessary to protect yourself.

Don't fool yourself that he would not take that next step, that's how women end up dead.

EvilAngel's picture

I'd call it my exH. He would do that. He constantly accused me of cheating on him. Yours has taken it to another level of crazy though! My ex was just insanely jealous...your sounds like he's off his rocker! Be safe!

Unhappy's picture

I just want to get as far away from him as I can. It's insane. And the craziest part is that he doesn't even view his behavior as psycho. He feels like he has the right to do these things.

Unhappy's picture

We have been separated since November (living at separate residences) but were attempting to work on things up until the last week of March when he went through my phone again. Things escalated from there and I ended up being covered in bruises which is why I have a protection order against him.

Unhappy's picture

I have gone no contact with him. I haven't spoken to him since the assault. He is the one that's trying to contact me. He's already been arrested for directly contacting me 24 hours after he was served with the protection order. Then he contacted my step mom and told her that I was suicidal and in danger of hurting my daughter and then myself and told her that if she reached out to me that he would reach out to me in order to get me the help I needed. I reported this too and he can't reach out to me because he is not allowed any contact with me or to be within 500 feet of my. On top of the protection order there is also a criminal no contact order in place due to the first violation of the protection order in which he was arrested for.

Unfreakingreal's picture

Stalker. Psycho. Mental basket case who can more than likely turn violent very quickly and kill you.

misSTEP's picture

Psycho paranoid stalking loser. BE CAREFUL.

I hope that you never ever ever give this guy another chance EVER.

Living the dream's picture

Well, at least he's going to be your ex at some point. That's all I've got. What a nut.

Unhappy's picture

I did file a report and it's been sent to the prosecuting attorney's office. I want to leave right now but I don't want to make things worse on my BD (10) by packing her up and moving to another state when there's only a month of school left and I have to be in court in June for the violations of the protection order. I am their star witness. I just need to make it another month. That's all and then I can leave. My attorney can handle the divorce for me. I don't need to be in the state.

robin333's picture

Just what Wow said. Be prepared to protect you and your child. Pepper spray, and details to close ones on your whereabouts at all times. I know some phones have a gps app that you can get. Maybe give that information to a relative so they can track you if needed. I would definitely change my passwords for everything and I would eliminate any social media accounts to eliminate that means of stalking.

This guy is scary. Please take care of yourself and your DD. Sending you positive thoughts.

ChiefGrownup's picture

Psycho and dangerous. I would not have engaged with him the first time it happened. I would have been very quiet and non-threatening. Then as soon as his back was turned or as soon as I could think of a plausible excuse I would have left the house and never come back.